Mother Stories
Day In The Life: Juvilynn Arbuthnot
Written by Erin Feher
Photography by Juvilynn Arbuthnot
Mar 26, 2020
One of our very favorite things to do here at MOTHER is to give our readers a deep and honest look into the lives of other mothers around the world through our weekly profiles. But the COVID-19 pandemic has many people (including us!) inside our homes and unable to venture out. Still we know—perhaps now more than ever—families want to see how others are getting through their days now that schooling, childcare, and privacy have been all but been eliminated. So, we are proud to introduce a brand new series, A Day In The Life, in which women graciously and honestly let us into their lives for an entire day, from eyes open to lights out. First up is Juvilynn Arbuthnot, a stenographer and mom to 4 children—ranging from 9 years to 8 months. She and her blended brood recently moved into a new home in Marin, California, and in addition to the run-of-the-mill challenges that come with a new house and a new baby, she opens up about dealing with pandemic-induced anxiety, stir-crazy kids, and a whole lot of unknowns. Click through the full slideshow below to see what a day in the life is like for Juvilynn right now.
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Juvilynn, 38, freelance stenographer.
Tyson, 45, Deputy City Attorney for the City of San Francisco.
Skylar, (almost) 5, Preschooler.
Stella, 2, Professional Mess Maker.
Soren, 8 months, Baby of the House.
Sebastian, 9, stepson, who is at his mom’s house for the week.
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- "We live in Marin County in California. There’s a shelter in place order for a duration of—tentatively—three weeks starting from March 17, and we can only be out for 'essential' reasons like grocery runs and prescription pickup, gas, etc. And work, if you’re considered an 'essential worker.' Restaurants are still taking orders for takeout and delivery. Bars are closed. Marin parks, playgrounds, trails, and beaches have been either closed or have restricted access due to overcrowding over the past weekend. We have been advised to stay in our respective counties, to not drive anywhere to get outdoors and, instead, stay close to our own neighborhoods."
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- "Honestly, I’ve welcomed the shelter in place restrictions because I’ve got a massive to-do list that I’ve been neglecting for months, and this is finally giving me the time to do it all without feeling FOMO about jobs or events that I’d normally be passing up to get it done. We also live near a lot of nature here in Marin County, and have a massive yard, so we don’t feel too cut off from the outdoors. However, the pandemic has caused a cascade of a million different emotions, all of which have left me incredibly overwhelmed, physically and mentally; and I cycle through this array of feelings throughout the day. I worry about my loved ones, and I vacillate between belief and disbelief. I don’t know what to process first, so I just hold onto my babies and husband and take it hour by hour. There has never been anything like this in our lifetime, and I’ve noticed that everyone is processing it differently, and so I’ve also been reminding myself to practice extra compassion and patience. I have had some bad moments. I experienced a nervous breakdown a week into the shelter in place order for the Bay Area, and soon realized, for my mental health, that I needed to focus only on the things I can control, such as taking care of my health and family and social distancing, staying home, staying informed, and being prepared."
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- "My eldest daughter, Sky, knows about the coronavirus as a sickness that is keeping Lola and Lolo—Grandma and Grandpa—away, and is the cause of her canceled birthday party, mama and dada being home a lot, and there being no school for a while. The other two are too young and continue to live life blissfully unaware as to anything going on outside of our home. We want to keep things normal for them for as long as possible and shield them from the negativity and our anxieties."
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- "Kids: 8:30 a.m. Parents: 8:31 a.m."
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- "Briefly scroll the notifications on my cell phone; read a terrifying article about the pandemic on Facebook; saved from falling into a rabbit hole of COVID-19 'research' when the kids bust into our room with 100 requests; veto 99 of those requests; change two diapers; wash everybody’s hands; put on some tunes; prepare tea and coffee and breakfast."
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- "Dave’s Killer Bread English muffins with Clover Organic butter and Santa Cruz Organic strawberry jelly. Kids have peanut butter on Alvarado Street toast. Multivitamin gummies for all. The baby has a bottle of formula and half a jar of organic Earth’s Best baby food (banana + sweet potato)."
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- "Lady Falcon Coffee and whole milk for Tyson, Stash English Breakfast tea with a splash of whole milk for me."
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- "Mixed. We have a general proclivity towards keeping the mood light and goofy with the kids, but the weight of uncertainty about work, a lack of structure, work deadlines from before the shelter in place order came down, and constantly screaming/bickering/demanding babies makes it a challenge."
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- "Tyson and I both have about two hours, each, of work and admin stuff we need to get done, alone; otherwise we pretty much wing it most of the day."
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- "Took a long, hot shower and pretended I was at the spa while the girls watched Scooby Doo and the baby sat in his Charlie Crane chair; put on another Dôen nightgown; vacuumed; played music on the house stereo; danced with the babies in the living room. I cried once during 'Over the Rainbow' by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole. Feeling an undercurrent of sadness and fear, but dancing and music soothes my heart. I push away thoughts about the pandemic for now, open up all the windows, and play the music louder, and definitely keep off of social media except to post a story or share some good memes or answer DMs."
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- "The girls have had some snacks and screen time. The eldest is still in preschool, so there’s no structured learning yet for home school. I'm shamelessly allowing more screen time than normal right now so I can get things done. The baby doesn’t want me to put him down for very long, so I’m often carrying him around. I'm feeling better. I haven’t checked social media. I'm on my 3rd cup of tea and definitely boredom/anxiety snacking."
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- The kids' office space.
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- "My husband is on a conference call in our camper van in the driveway; I’m at my desk checking emails and putting tasks on my paper calendar. I have one baby with me; the other two kids are having independent imaginary playtime (it may involve multiple costume changes). I’m having my 10th cup of tea now? I checked Facebook once. Anxiety starts to creep back in. I’m realizing I’m not going to be working for a while and I'm grateful that my husband has a job with the city that will continue to pay him and keep us financially afloat for now."
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- "We never 'work on work' or take calls at the same time. We alternate turns preparing breakfast. He cooks lunch and dinner, and I keep the house in order. He brushes the kids’ teeth, and I put the kids to bed. We are a pretty great team."
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- "Amy's frozen Indian food (Mattar Paneer), the kids’ favorite. It’s organic and easy. We're a little bit low on produce because it’s been two weeks since the last market haul, and I'm too afraid to risk exposure right now. Grocery delivery service has been backed up or not available, so frozen meals have been getting us through. We have orange slices and oatmeal raisin cookies for dessert. Honest juice boxes. Lunch for me is just random grazing from the fridge. I’m too busy obsessively putting away toys, doing laundry, and washing dishes. I sent Tyson away to cash in on a surf session in Santa Cruz and I’m solo at the helm, but I don’t mind. Sometimes, oddly enough, I prefer running the show by myself!"
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- "The sun’s out today and it’s warm on the back deck. I like to get the kids outside to soak up some rays and break up the screen time and tedium of being indoors. Every day, we have been 'painting our feelings' with watercolors. I set the kids up with their paints for an hour. This is when I check back into Facebook and CNN and scroll through headlines, communicate via text or FaceTime with friends and family, and 'check in' with my village. Again, more bad news, more mounting dread. Fuck."
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- Painting some feelings.
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- "Dada gets home. We go for a short stroll around the neighborhood and let the kids scooter around an empty church parking lot. When back at home, we listen to music together in the reading room; I have a glass of Sophie James rose, while my husband has a glass of Maker’s Mark. The kids use him as a jungle gym or jump on the couch or dance. We talk about new developments regarding the pandemic, the future, our fears, our hopes, info we’ve gathered from friends and family. We have music playing. We’re not sure how to feel. I cry again. Then snacks. Always snacks."
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- "Bath time—a nightly ritual since forever. One pump of Wiley Body body bubble and the bath jets creates a massive wall of bubbles. I scroll, again, through the headlines—notice a pattern?—during this time, sitting next to the tub, with the baby in his bounce chair. More bad news. I’ll also mine for more memes and beautiful photos and positive images and update my Instagram stories to balance out the negative. Seems like my friends and family are all doing well. I'm feeling okay."
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- "Having a loose to-do list gives some degree of structure. Even though we’re having to shelter in place and, for me, have very little actual work, there are a million things to do around the house and for the babies. We did away with dishes and now use paper plates for the time being. Our dishwasher broke a few months ago, and dishwashing has become an exhausting, never ending task. Cleaning up the house in the evenings before bedtime also provides a better feeling in the morning."
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- Multi-tasking is the new normal.
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- "The weather is still nice. We have Beyond Meat burger patties and Tyson fires up the grill on the back deck and we have veggie burgers. Skylar is picky and instead eats scraps of leftover Costco rotisserie chicken. We follow up with organic fudge bars from Whole Foods, which are running low and making me feel anxious about going to the market."
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- "Dancing in the living room with my babies, music turned up, windows open, and just feeling grateful to be riding out this pandemic nightmare in this dream house of ours, or sitting in the sun with the babies and painting on the back deck, feeling warmth and momentary safety. Basically, all the times when I forgot about the world beyond our four walls."
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- "Trying to keep panic and worry at a minimum; trying not to be on my phone all day checking for updates on the horrifying, everchanging world situation, but eventually succumbing to it more often than I should."
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- "8:30 is brush teeth time. At 9 p.m. I read each kid a book of their choice. We discuss what we want to do tomorrow, allow 10 minutes of jumping on their beds, then tuck the girls into bed. Stella will sneak out of their room a couple times and stare at us in the family room from the hallway, but will eventually, finally, go to sleep."
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- "Peruse Netflix for a good movie or show while bingeing on all the sugary snacks we keep on the 'top shelf' away from the kids. I eventually get lost on social media and Tyson falls asleep on the couch."
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"We’re looking forward to this nightmare ending, even though it’s impossible at the moment to know how long it will take to get there, if ever. Right now our country has barely begun the worst of it. It’s a new and aggressive, very contagious virus; it’s not a person or entity with whom we can negotiate. There really isn’t a sure time frame as to what’s next, when we can go back to work, resume life, have toilet paper shelves fully stocked at all times at the supermarket. So much uncertainty! But more than anything, we look forward to hugging and being with our family and friends again."
To keep up with Juvilynn and her sweet family, be sure to follow along on Instagram.
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does anyone know where her desk is from in the cover picture?
It’s IKEA!
Congratulations Juvilynn ! Proud of you little mama! Wearing many hats! Love to all Aunt Bev!❤️
Such a true, open description of what another mother across the world is feeling – and I feel sometimes the same all the way in Europe though. Beautiful house and her style was gorgeous too which was nice to focus on! Great article
LOVED this Day-In-The-Life!…really resonated with me.
xox
Great interview and so relatable! Wishing you all continued health and safety!