Do you ever look at your friends, parents, or other happy couples and wonder “What’s their secret?” Us too! Relationships and marriage can be like a roller coaster—up and down—and believe it or not, there are some incredibly simple tools to keeping a relationship healthy and happy. We’ve gathered some of our favorite rules below for you to adopt and use in your own relationship.

Simplify. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and commotion of everyday life, but it’s important to not lose appreciation for the small things. Constantly remember to de-clutter your relationship, go back to the roots, and focus on who (and what) is most important to you. Put your relationship first and treat it the way you would anything else you hold near and dear.

Talk It Out. Communication is key! Never withhold things or let them build up inside. Of course, picking the right time to talk is equally important. An open and honest relationship will keep you both in tune with each others feelings.

Constant Intimacy. Intimacy is so much more than intercourse. Simply holding hands, hugging, saying sweet things, and cuddling are all examples of intimacy and these examples keep couples happy and thriving. Always be aware of your partner’s needs and desires, and yet, understand when he or she needs his or her alone time. To be truly intimate with your partner is to be genuinely connected, on every level.

Fight Fair. When conflict arises, be courteous. You’re bound to have differences of opinion when you spend so much time together. Even happy couples argue, but they do it wisely. Instead of pointing the finger and using words like “you” and “I,” try using “we” and “us.” Discussing your problems as a team helps keep either partner from feeling like they’re under attack.

Enjoy Each Other. It’s just that simple. Spend a lot of time together talking and getting to know each other on different levels. No matter how long you’ve been together, there’s always more to learn. Do exciting things together. Be silly and laugh. Conquer fears or goals together.

Beware Of Advice. Not everyone knows what’s best for you and it’s important to keep your relationship exclusively between you and your partner to refrain from making bad decisions and listening to overly opinionated friends or family members. Learn to think for yourself and make your own decisions together with your partner.

Surprise. Doing small and unexpected things for your partner, for no reason at all, is one of the most meaningful ways to show affection. The most happy couples rely on tiny gestures to keep a relationship exciting and upbeat. Little things like doing the dishes when it’s not your turn, having a cup of coffee waiting for your partner as soon as he or she wakes, and the out-of-left-field compliments are all minor efforts, but stand apart from the habitual “I love yous” and gifts.

Self Love. How you treat yourself reflects how people see you. It’s okay to know your flaws, but if you’re always down on yourself and negative, others will be, too. Bad attitudes can drive bad feelings and actions. Learn to embrace yourself and have patience. The truth is that you can never love someone else if you don’t love yourself first.