Mother Stories
Meet Berlin Mama, Designer, and Model Fa’ Empel
Written by Erin Feher
Photography by Photography by Nailya Bikmurzina
Dec 17, 2019
Today’s mama is a true multi-hyphenate. It’s actually kind of hard to describe Fahrani (Fa’) Empel in one concise sentence without feeling like you are leaving out more than half the story. So, we’ll give you a few sentences, and then let her elaborate. The designer and founder of Pawaka (attention-grabbing sunnies, of which Rihanna is a fan) can also fairly claim the labels of model, actress, environmental activist, and musician—although labels aren’t really her thing. Born in Jakarta, Indonesia, her only formal education consisted of nine years at a Muslim school in her hometown. At the age of 16, she left her family for Hong Kong to pursue what would become a successful, decade-long modeling career. After Hong Hong, it was a few years in Tokyo, New York, and Bali, where she lived for four years in a treehouse she built herself in the jungle. (She didn’t get around to installing electricity until year two.) Today she is settled in Berlin, where she shares an art- and plant-filled apartment in the Kreuzberg District with her partner, the Danish photographer and director Viktor Sloth, and their one-year-old, Mata. Needless to say, Fa’ has a fascinating perspective on parenting, career evolution, and so much more. So, we’ll let her tell the rest of the story. Click through the slideshow below for a glimpse into Fa’s day, and to read her enlightening musings.
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- "We have only been living in this apartment for the past two years. Sadly, we have to move out very soon because the landlord is selling—this is quite a common situation right now in our city. Since the Brexit vote, many people have been moving to Berlin. But we are excited about the next phase. Change is always good."
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- "Warm, eclectic, and earthy."
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- "We built in the kitchen, but nothing else."
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- "We love to pick up mementos while we travel, so our home is a mix of flavors from places we've visited. A home reflects the hearts of the people that live in it; we are a globetrotting bunch, and you can see traces of our memories. My partner is a Nordic; therefore, he is into simplicity and minimalism, while I am tropical at heart. I’m naturally drawn to bold colors, but we both share interests in ethnic art, the warmth of wood, and live plants within our space."
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- Fa' wears a Collina Strada sweatshirt.
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- "We don't have a room for Mata yet, since we knew that we would have to move out soon. We will, therefore, create one in our future home. We are excited about that project. In a way, it's also good to wait a little—now we can be more practical in deciding what the essentials are and decorate around that."
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- "The fact that I keep finding a new version of my self through Mata. My shadow gets confronted every single day, and this process of growing as a person is what excites me. It's rough some days, but the hard days are there for you to grow."
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- "Passing on my own former conditionings and traumas to them. We try our very best to respond with our current abilities, and I can judge myself that on some days—I am not doing enough—and I fear Mata could absorb this. Here, the need to control is being challenged—not just superficially, it pierces deeply though me. So, the level of letting go of control deepens as the week passes. Our child is our biggest spiritual partner."
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- "I don't care—I see gender as neutral. Mata decided to let us know during an ultrasound session; it became apparent to us that they are biologically a boy, which naturally means that they will eventually have specific needs due to their hormones. But for now, I am simply excited to be very adventurous and explore corners of the world with them and see things through their eyes."
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- "Matahari-Biru means 'Blue-Sun.' The literal meaning of Matahari in Bahasa Indonesia is 'the eye of the day.' We call them Mata, which also means 'a single eye.' Blue represents the 5th and 6th energy points in our body. 5th chakra on the throat represents communication, creativity, and self-expression—the middle ground between heart and head, a mediator between emotions and thoughts. The 6th chakra is located on the third eye: wisdom, intuition and deep inner knowing. It’s a bridge between heaven and earth, our gateway to enlightenment. Their middle name is Ansuz, an old Norse Rune, which translates to the god Odin. It also means 'Odin's breath' = poetry = transmission of intelligence = the voice of the universe."
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- "They turned one this past October. What people say about time is right: the days are long, but the year is extremely short. Right now, Mata is very into sound—they love to listen to all kinds of music, their favorite is techno, and they are very fascinated by speakers or anything that creates sound. They play a lot with Kigonki as well; it’s the first thing they touch after leaving our room in the morning. We are almost convinced that they will be working with sound in the future."
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- "Yes, but as I was building my business throughout the last six years. During that time, I put the thought aside."
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- "Not really. While I was running my own company with a partner, Mata decided to arrive early, so it was a rather sudden pause. I am still picking up the pieces from when this happened. Things haven't stopped really since their arrival. I only paused during the first few months while we were stuck in Bali following the birth."
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- "The Conscious Parent is a wonderful read."
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- "I look up to so many mothers out there via their social media channels—it's great to have so many examples of different methods of bringing up a child. It allows you to filter and apply what feels most right in your heart."
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- "I was raised to follow my dreams and had a lot of freedom, considering that the society in which I grew up is extremely religious—blessings counted in this matter. I'm grateful that my parents let me search my path without controlling it. I went to a Muslim School for nine years, and that is the only academic education I received. I became independent very early."
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- A simple sleeping mat for sweet dreams.
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- "Utilizing intuition instead of following manuals. I am both open and strict at the same time; at least that is how I see it. I want to stay open and let Mata lead the way. I am only going to provide the best container for them to grow and learn."
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- "Absolutely. The feminine energy is rising and balancing the scale; it’s a great time to be alive. I can sense the bubbles of revolution have started to surface before the big turn over. I believe the golden era is just beginning. The separation happening everywhere is here to distract, but it also acts as a reminder to stay focused on our journey."
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- "Let go of expectations or the wish to control any outcome. Surrender to the process."
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- "Yes and no. The selfish part in me wants to have another, but seeing the huge, current problems of our world: then it’s a no. We are overpopulated, and if everyone makes the conscious decision to have one child only, we will halve the population in twenty to thirty years."
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- "Our living room is both lively and cozy. Here, we spend a lot of time together: playing, working, manifesting, listening to music, and dancing. We have many plants; I want to bring the tropical vibe indoors, so we call this space our 'forest of manifestation.'"
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- "Our plants, as they are our first babies. And the altar is my favorite corner of the house."
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- "Almost every room is a playroom. We keep a small number of toys in each room, also in our home-office, so that Mata can float freely around the space, wherever they wish to."
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- "I design eyewear for my label PAWAKA. This is my bread and butter. I've done many things in life; I tried different life roles, so to say, to see which feels best at a given time. Acting/performing is another passion of mine, and I wish to do more of it. Back in Indonesia, I did several feature films, and I miss working on a film project; it's a slow process and the satisfaction gained when you see the final results is just amazing. But my big dream is to direct a full-length film myself. This is a long term project—when the feeling is right, I will make it happen. Right now, I am also working with crystal singing bowls and would love to build an act around this. Work in progress."
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- Fa' wears a Collina Strada sweatshirt.
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"I was born and raised in Jakarta; I lived there until I was sixteen. I then moved to Hong Kong to work as a full-time model for four years, then it was Tokyo for two years before Bali called, and I moved yet again. After ten years of being based on an island, I decided to be in a city once again, and that has been Berlin for the last five years. Modeling opened a lot of doors for me; I got my education on the streets of the world, traveling constantly. The first time I stayed in one place for longer than three months, was once I had moved to Berlin. Berlin's soil grounded me."
"Since I moved out of home at an early age, I've never looked back. I became independent very early, as I had to figure most things out alone and while on the road. This structured a personality in me that is 'my way or the highway,' but I’m currently working hard on this particular thing. I’m certain Mata chose me as their mother so that they can teach me a thing or two about compromises, sacrifices, and a lot of patience."
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- Always making music with mama.
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- "It summons me to choose quality over anything else: from how I spend my time and who I spend it with, down to the details of what experience I seek to gain from that. So basically no more time for bullshit. I’m choosing my path carefully with two hearts now."
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- "Yes, we do. Our friends are close to us physically and emotionally. We are lucky because they are always there when we need them. I just have to learn to ask for help more often."
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- "Find your support system, find suitable time management for you and your family, and simply trust the process. It’s hard at times. I'm not going to lie. On most days, I feel like I am doing a half-ass job on both ends—but it does get easier as time passes, as long as we can mute the voice that judges ourselves, and do the best we can. My partner and I are still figuring out the way to make all of this work and to find harmony at home. Often, we head-butt and fight, but we always manage to talk it through. We have committed to each other that we will find solutions to everything."
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- "Yes, this is real. Some moments are worse than others. The moment we realize that it’s only our fears whispering in our heads, then we are conscious of it, and we can break free from the guilt. I think practicing mindfulness is the key to combat this."
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- "We love the green areas and the laid-back pace here in Berlin—46% of the city is covered in green or water. There are small green patches and parks all around the city, and they are very accessible. The city has 1873 playgrounds. Each one has a unique theme; I only learned this fact recently, and it made me fall in love with Berlin all over again. Also, there are endless options when it comes to lakes and forests near the city for excursions during warmer days. Life quality is high around here; it’s perfect for a family."
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- "Berlin will always be our first base. I love the strong presence of alternative communities here, especially the queer one. The notion of personal space that the city and its inhabitants have to offer to everyone is almost an unwritten law that applies everywhere—even to the city’s dance floors. I come from a place where people have zero consideration when it comes to personal space. There, this concept is non-existent, and people are always in one another's business. So, it's very refreshing to live here, to have space and breathe and contemplate. Having said that, we have thought about having a second home elsewhere, closer to beaches and mountains; at the moment, we are still figuring out the right place. I am curious to see where the 5th Green School will open in the next years—if it's in Europe, then it might be the place where we will be setting up our second base. The Green School is our dream education for Matahari."
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- A little green to liven up the gray winter skies of Berlin.
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- "Just around where we live are so many options to have cozy hangouts. We keep finding new spots in our neighborhood. We love going to Markthalle Neun—on Thursdays they have a street food market where I get my dose of Indonesian food. Also, the Turkish market every Tuesday and Friday by the Kanal for all fresh ingredients."
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- "Easy, loose fit, and genderless."
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- "Like life itself, my style is always going through phases. I've been through all phases; I love to morph around."
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- "Loose denim, white tees, and oversized silk shirts. I mostly wear all of my friends’ pieces: Collina Strada, Mads Dinesen, Parts / 4, House of Malakai."
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- "I don't have any routine in this department. The older I get, the less product I use. I believe we don't need much at all—coconut oil on most days, and on colder days, I mix a thicker natural lotion to seal the moisture into my skin, especially for my face."
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- Fa' wears a House of Malakai jumper and Pawaka sunglasses. Matahari's sweater was hand knit by his Farmor (grandmother).
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- "Salt baths, sun salutations, and meditations. It’s hard to get a solid routine, but I try to have at least a quiet moment to myself every day so that I can send out gratitude—usually when Mata is napping."
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- "Mata is getting more and more independent, so at times I can have up to three hours. My partner and I also established dedicated days for each of us, and so far, that works very well. It was a long road to get here, but we are finally slowly managing it. Right now, I spend that free time mostly on work—there is a lot to catch up on every day—but I know that the proper 'me time' will come eventually, it's just around the corner. I have a glass of red wine on some evenings while I take a bath, and that helps to relax my body."
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- A café stop for something warm to drink.
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- "I often think of it; I feel that as parents, we always want to be and do the best for our children, but we also have to remember that we are only human. We make mistakes, and when we do, we apologize."
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- "Cleaner intention; see things through our hearts; less screen time and more playing. I hope to start anew in 2020—we have to move out of our current apartment. At the moment, we are looking for the perfect place to stay grounded and within which Mata can grow and lace memories. All in all, I would also like us to be better humans and find more compassion in our hearts to elevate our planet vibrations so that we ALL can heal."
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- For more on Fa', her family, and her creative pursuits, follow along on Instagram.
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