Mother Stories
PDX Mama & Singer-Songwriter Alela Diane
Written by James Kicinski-McCoy
Photography by Photographed By Kelty & Hannah Of Upbringing
Jun 13, 2018
Obviously, we are big fans of the women we profile on Mother. After all, the site is a space dedicated to celebrating women in all walks of life and the inspiring titles they acquire along the way, in addition to (but, not to be replaced by) their role as a “mom”. This morning’s profile of singer-songwriter and mother-of-two daughters (Vera, 4, and Oona, 1), Alela Diane, is one that understands clearly the intensity of motherhood-identity duality. So much so that she wrote an entire album about it.
Here, the West Coast songbird opens up her charming home to offer up a fresh perspective on raising children, pursuing a career, and the concept of having it all. Much like her fifth album, Cusp, our talks with the lulling artist explore the “weight and beauty of creating life”, as well as some of our favorite topics like who’s hanging in her closet, how she finds time for self-care, and what it’s like living in her home-base city of Portland, Oregon.
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- “I grew up in a Victorian town and have always loved old homes. I had the opportunity to purchase our 1890 farmhouse nearly a decade ago after a very miraculous early success with my music. After moving in, my mother informed me that I had created a large-scale version of my childhood dollhouse.”
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“We’ve created a cozy home, focused on warmth and ease. The aesthetic brings together many relics and family heirlooms with beautifully crafted modern pieces. My home used to be full of antiques, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve developed a deep love for newer, simpler things.”
Alela, Vera, and Oona wear matching Ace & Jig dresses.
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- “I simplified when Vera was born. I used to have more knick-knacks, and I loved collecting old things. After becoming a mom, I went through such a transition that I actually needed to shed the skin of my former self, and with that was a grand letting go of many possessions.”
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- What's spinning?
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- Something fun to dance to, of course!
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- “I strive to find the balance between beauty and function. I am constantly reworking rooms and corners to make them more useful and meaningful and joyful.”
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- “We have a playroom downstairs, but by the end of the day, there are usually little beds with stuffed animals tucked into them scattered all over the kitchen, small ‘homes’ built of magnetic blocks on the counter next to the watercolor project no one cleaned up, and lots of tiny, rubber creatures and wooden blocks just underfoot.”
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- “I love our bedroom. It’s south-facing and perched up on the top floor like a treehouse. It gets the most beautiful light throughout the day.”
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- “I love my piano. It was built the same year as the house and fits right into our space. When I finally have the opportunity to sit down and play, it calms my nerves. In our bedroom, we have two coordinating screen-prints of Joshua Tree that were made in the 1970s by a woman local to my hometown of Nevada City, California. They remind me of the brief courtship I had with my husband before we had Vera.”
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- “Vera’s room doesn’t get much use, although it is a very sweet space. After Oona was born, she insisted upon sleeping in the little walk-through room that leads to our bedroom, so that she could be closer to us. Now both girls sleep in there together—a sort of makeshift bunk room. The playroom downstairs is really Vera’s domain, as that’s where she keeps her things.”
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- “I love the shelves we built in the playroom to contain all of Vera’s many cherished possessions and the little antique desk she got from my grandparents.”
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- A dedicated space for furry friends, too!
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- “Their last name starts with a 'V', so we chose Vera to go with it. I’ve always loved those ‘Vera’ scarves from the ‘60s that used to be in all the thrift shops. We came upon the name Oona, which means ‘little lamb’, in a name book. Oona was born five weeks early and was so tiny that the name fit perfectly. Her middle name is Rose because she looked like the sweetest little rosebud when she was born.”
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- “She loves pink, unicorns, those weird stuffed animals with big eyes, and dressing herself in all the brightest fabrics with the most colorful patterns and characters. She has a unicorn horn she wears pretty regularly. She’s been making some amazing abstract watercolors lately, too, and refers to herself as an artist.”
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- “When the weather is nicer, I love to bask in the sunshine, while they play in the backyard. On rainy days, Vera and I like to have tea parties, while Oona naps. Mostly, I like it when Vera isn’t yelling. That makes for a good day.”
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“Vera is magical, and her sensitivity has kept her keenly in tune with things that can’t be seen since day one. She’s hilarious and full of fire, and keeps us on our toes with her intensity and very loud voice. Oona is calm and happy and has the most beautiful red hair. It makes so much sense that she came to join our family. We needed her to balance things out.”
Alela wears a Not Perfect Linen jumpsuit.
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- “We’re done. Two kids is what we’d wanted, and after I had severe complications such as HELLP syndrome and hemorrhaging with Oona’s birth, the doctor told me I’d probably die if I had another baby, so that sealed the deal. My husband got a vasectomy when Oona was three months old, as we really couldn’t risk it.”
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- “The kitchen is where we gather as a family. Last year, we tore down a wall between the old kitchen and formal dining room, and completely recreated the space. Every morning, I still marvel at the transformation and am so grateful for the beauty and functionality of the room.”
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- “I’ve really been trying to get better at meal-planning, but I’m mostly winging it. I end up making a lot of burritos, roasted veggies with bratwurst sausage and sauerkraut, and if there is really not much visible food in the fridge, pasta with some random pantry accoutrements is a quick save. When I am more on top of it, I’ve got a crockpot of soup going.”
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- Windowsill blooms.
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“I’ve been humbled, and the things that aren’t important have faded to the background. Days move differently now, and getting used to having so little usable time to myself has been the hardest thing. I do feel like that I have settled into a deeper, more whole version of self since becoming a mama, and I’ve enjoyed the freedom of that.”
Vera wears a vintage lace dress.
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- “The love I feel for my daughters and the joy of watching their spirits unfold.”
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- “The vast uncertainty of every single day.”
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- Say "hello" to Bramble Rose!
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- “When our first daughter was born, I felt the hugeness of the love that my own mother feels for me. I knew my mom loved me deeply, but when I felt that sort of love for my own child, I realized for the first time that my own mom has always loved me more than I love her. That knowledge is beautiful and heartbreaking. I wrote a song about it.”
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- “I got my creativity and my love for singing from my mom. We both enjoy moving furniture around and reworking rooms in the house, and she always helps me with that when she comes to visit. Our personalities are very different though, and we’ve been having disagreements since I was born.”
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- Time for tea!
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- “I just follow my heart and do my best to operate from a place of kindness. I try to provide structure with room for flexibility, and I try to put myself into my child’s shoes when things aren’t going so well.”
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- “I grew up in a beautiful town in the foothills of Northern California. My own parents were rebelling against the rigidity of their parent’s generation and didn’t have a lot of boundaries for my brother and me. They were young musicians and much of my childhood was accompanied by the sound of their songs. I fell asleep on many couches at potlucks of family friends. I explored the woods behind our house and built a lot of fairy houses. As a reaction to my parent’s lack of structure, I was a total rule-follower; I got straight A’s. That was my rebellion.”
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- “Embrace the changes and become the butterfly.”
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- “I recently tried to read a parenting book about how to stop tantrums and it crushed my spirit. The philosophy was so weird and unnatural that I had to stop reading! I haven’t tried since, but it would be great to find a book that resonates and helps with the aforementioned problem.”
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- “After nearly dying in childbirth when Oona was born, I had the opportunity to talk with Christy Turlington about maternal mortality. Her organization, Every Mother Counts, works to improve maternal mortality rates in the U.S. and around the world. She’s such an inspiring woman and mother, and I have a lot of admiration for her and the work she is doing.”
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- Mama and papa.
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- “That these first years of motherhood, with all of their beauty and chaos, will pass so quickly. And, to take it one day at a time.”
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- “It certainly is a challenge to balance motherhood with a music career and a relationship. It is a lot to juggle, and I’m doing my best. It always feels like something isn’t being nurtured properly, but as my daughter says, ‘You can always try again!’ So, I’ll keep doing that until it all falls into perfect harmony.”
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- One little monkey jumping on the bed!
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“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the intersection of functional and elegant?”
Oona wears a "Little Bird" onesie designed by Alela with lyrics from her song, "Oh, My Mama" and striped pants made by her Granny.
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- “I dress more freely now and don’t fuss about it too much. I don’t wear heels unless I’m on stage, and even then, they aren’t very tall.”
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- “I would absolutely love for the girls and I to have matching Misha & Puff sweaters.”
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- “I love Jesse Kamm, Ace & Jig, Rachel Comey, Caron Callahan, and Ulla Johnson to name a few.”
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- A good snuggle.
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- “Jeans, a black bodysuit, a wool cardigan, a rotating cast of cropped and quilted jackets, and Chelsea boots.”
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- “Is it a trend to let your hair go grey? I’m doing that, but I’m not 100% convinced yet. We’ll see.”
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- “My favorite shop in Portland is called Palace. They have a great selection of small-name designers and vintage pieces, as well as beautiful home goods and small-batch beauty products. I do some shopping online, but mostly for the girls.”
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- Vera likes to dress up, too!
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“I keep it simple. I splash my face with water in the morning and use moisturizer. On a really put-together day, I wear a dusting of mineral powder and coral lipstick.”
Alela wears Jesse Kamm pants and a white knit tank from Madewell. Vera wears a pink leotard from Bloch.
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- “I wish I could say I’d been doing yoga, but I haven’t done much since I had Oona. I’m hoping to get back to it soon. I try to remember to slow down and to breathe. I also drink a lot of water.”
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- Sweet sisters.
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- “I try to carve out space for myself that isn’t focused on my music, but at best, it usually takes the form of a bath once a week, unless Vera gets in.”
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- “I do love Portland. I’m a bit of an indoors-woman, so the climate suits me well. I like wearing wool socks.”
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- “We live in a wonderful neighborhood. We walk to everything and hardly have to use the car. It’s so great that Vera can ride her bike three blocks to school, and I love that we have so many parks nearby to explore.”
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- “It’s hard to say. Having grown up in a small town, there is a part of me that would love to give my children more of a country life. For now, however, we are enjoying the perks of having everything at our fingertips.”
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- “When Vera is in preschool, and it’s just Oona and I, we like to meet up with friends at a local café or park. Being able to talk to my creative mama friends about the daily struggles of balancing motherhood with art always reinvigorates my spirit.”
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- “We love Mount Tabor. It’s a beautiful forested park with views of the whole city. There are great trails for exploration and a wonderful playground. Our favorite kid-friendly café is P’s & Q’s Market because not only is the food great, but it also makes me feel like we live in a small town.”
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- “My husband and I love going on brunch dates to Sweedeedee in North Portland. It’s such a wonderful little café with the most beautiful food, but there is always a line and they don’t even have highchairs. Mississippi Records is next door, and it’s so much easier to look for records without kids tugging on your legs.”
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- Say cheese!
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- The snapshots.
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- “I’m a musician. I sing and write on guitar and piano. I have been creating songs about my life and touring for the last decade. My fifth record, Cusp, was released a couple of months ago and was largely inspired by motherhood. I think I made a record for other moms.”
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- “I began writing songs when I was 19, and recorded my first album shortly thereafter. I’m self-taught on the guitar and piano, and sang in the school choir. My parents were in various bands throughout my childhood, so it made a lot of sense when I decided to pursue music.”
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- “I love having a creative outlet through which to process life. It’s amazing to be able to share my songs with audiences in far-off cities. When I talk to folks after shows, they often tell me amazing stories of how my music impacted their life. Women have given birth to my songs, and hearing about such stories always reminds me why I continue to do this.”
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- “It took me a while to get back in touch with music after becoming a mom. I had to slow down, embrace the changes, and wait patiently for the music to return. I recorded my latest album while I was pregnant with Oona, and decided to wait until she was a year old to release it. I didn’t want to have to tour while she was tiny, and am certainly not able to tour as much as I used to. Motherhood permeates my whole being now, and all career decisions factor in what is best for our family. Has my career suffered? Probably. But, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
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“I’ve learned that it’s best to focus on one role at a time. When I am with my kids, I do my best to be present with them and let the work wait. When I have childcare, I get a lot done in a small amount of time. When Vera was a baby, I brought her on tour, thinking that I could do it all at once. I remember breastfeeding before going on stage. I was so tired that I wasn’t able to put on a great show. After Oona was born, I realized that leaving the family at home is better for everyone. It’s hard to let go and trust that the girls will be fine in my absence, but it’s part of the path that I have chosen. Both my mom and my husband’s mom have been able to help out when I’m gone, and that makes all the difference.”
Alela wears a redwood tank and scarf by Ozma.
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- “We have a great community of friends, and I have an aunt and uncle here who are very helpful with the girls. I desperately wish we had grandparents in town, but it was us who moved away from them.”
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- “I’ll be touring for the next few weeks in the U.K. and Europe, and have a few U.S. concerts in the summer. It’s too soon to think about writing songs just yet—one thing at a time.”
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