At Home With Darren Graham
Written by Katie Hintz-Zambrano
Photography by Yumi Matsuo
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The Brooklyn-based writer on the healing power of fatherhood and life with his son, Ducky (a.k.a. the most stylish 4-year-old in New York).
Brooklyn-based creative Darren Graham always knew he wanted to be a father. And in 2018, he privately made moves to build the future he desired—applying to be a parent through foster or adoption.
It wasn’t until 4 years (and a pandemic) later, however, that he received that fateful call—there was a newborn child that needed a home. With 24 hours to make the decision, Darren quickly filled his mom in on his plans, and made the choice that would forever change his life.
“Becoming a father through fostering and adoption wasn’t just about fulfilling a dream of mine,” he tells us. “It was about creating a loving home for a child and showing that families can be built in many beautiful ways. I realized I didn’t need to wait for the ‘perfect’ circumstances to become a father. I just needed to be willing to show up.”
After a stint in the NICU (Darren’s son, “Ducky,” was born prematurely at just 2 pounds), Darren decided to change his life in another big way once Ducky was 6 months old. He pivoted from a 13-year career in education to full-time content creation.
“He became my biggest motivation,” says Darren. “Every risk I’ve taken since then has been rooted in creating a life where I could be present for him while building something meaningful for both of us.”
Social media is where we (and thousands of others) first “met” Darren and Ducky via love-soaked videos showing their life (and outfits!) together over at @therealdarrengraham on Instagram and Ducky+Dada on YouTube. Darren is also an editor at Who What Wear and just scored a book deal around his motivational “Yeah so…” vlog series.
In today’s feature, we were lucky enough to be invited into Darren and Ducky’s home and go deep on fatherhood and how this new chapter—especially after growing up without a father himself—has already healed Darren in a multitude of ways. (And he’s only 4 years in!)
“Becoming a father has allowed me to redefine what fatherhood means for myself,” he explains. “Every time I show up for Ducky, every time I make him feel safe, seen, loved, and celebrated, a small part of my younger self heals too.”
Read the full interview below—and be sure to follow Darren and Ducky online at @therealdarrengraham and Ducky+Dada.
Read more inspiring stories on fatherhood on our new brother site, fathermag.co
Did you always know you wanted to be a father?
"Absolutely. I don't think I always knew what the path would look like, but I always knew I wanted to be a dad. Fatherhood was something that lived in my heart long before it became my reality. Even when life looked different than I imagined, that desire never left me."
When did the idea of becoming a parent through adoption or fostering first take shape for you?
"As a queer man, I knew my path to parenthood might look different from what society traditionally presents. Over time, I started learning more about fostering and adoption, and the more I learned, the more it felt aligned with who I am. There are so many children who need love, stability, and someone to advocate for them."
"As a Black queer man, I also understand that there are still assumptions about who gets to be a parent and what a family should look like. Becoming a father through fostering and adoption wasn't just about fulfilling a dream of mine—it was about creating a loving home for a child and showing that families can be built in many beautiful ways. I realized I didn't need to wait for the 'perfect' circumstances to become a father. I just needed to be willing to show up."
“Fatherhood has made me think more deeply about how we define masculinity. I want Ducky to know that strength and softness can exist in the same person.”
Can you take us back to the moment you received the phone call about a baby needing a home?
"I remember the call vividly because I was actually at work when it came in. I was told there was a baby boy who had been born prematurely and needed a home. They gave me 24 hours to make a decision."
"On paper, that probably sounds like a lot of time, but it felt like no time at all. I remember sitting with the weight of what was being asked of me and realizing that this was one of those moments that could change the entire course of my life."
"The truth is, my heart answered before my head did. There were practical things to consider, of course, but deep down I knew. I knew I was being given an opportunity to show up for a child who needed someone. By the time I got off that call, I wasn't thinking about what I might lose or what challenges might come. I was thinking about a little boy who deserved love, safety, and a home."
"Within 24 hours, I said yes. Looking back now, it was the most important decision I've ever made."
What about the moment that you met your son for the first time?
"The first time I saw him, he was two days old in the NICU. He weighed just over two pounds. He was surrounded by machines and wires that looked bigger than he was. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed by love and fear at the same time. The doctors were sharing statistics and possibilities, but all I could see was my son. I looked at him and thought, 'There you are.' It felt like I had known him forever."
How was the experience of being a NICU parent?
"The NICU changed me. Every day felt uncertain. There were moments of hope and moments of fear. I remember celebrating things that most parents take for granted—small weight gains, successful feedings, a good day of breathing on his own. It teaches you to appreciate every single milestone. The experience also gave me a new level of gratitude. When you're sitting beside an incubator praying for a good day, your perspective shifts. You stop taking time for granted."
Was the adoption instant, or did it take a while?
"The adoption was not immediate. Ducky entered my life through foster care, and as with any foster placement, the initial goal was reunification. Over time, our bond grew stronger than I could have ever imagined. Eventually, adoption became possible, and finalizing it was one of the most meaningful moments of my life. It wasn't a short journey, but it was absolutely worth it."
Tell us about your son's name.
"Most people know my son as Ducky, and that's the name that has become such a special part of our story. The nickname actually started with me. My uncle, who has since passed away, used to call me 'Ducky.' It was a nickname filled with love, and one that always made me feel connected to him. After he passed, I carried that nickname with me for years. When my son came into my life, I decided to pass it on to him as a way of honoring my uncle's legacy. What started as a simple nickname became something much bigger. It's a reminder of family, love, and the people who help shape us long after they're gone. Now, when people hear 'Ducky,' they're usually thinking about him. And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way."
What excites you about raising a son?
"What excites me most is helping him become whoever he's meant to be. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about raising a son versus raising a daughter. I think about raising a good human. Someone who is kind, emotionally intelligent, curious, confident, and comfortable being exactly who they are."
“Growing up without my father left questions that took years to unpack. Becoming a father has allowed me to redefine what fatherhood means for myself. Every time I show up for Ducky, every time I make him feel safe, seen, loved, and celebrated, a small part of my younger self heals too.”
Has becoming a father made you think differently about gender?
"Fatherhood has definitely made me think more deeply about how we define masculinity. I want Ducky to know that strength and softness can exist in the same person. That kindness isn't weakness. That expressing emotions is healthy. Those are lessons I think every child deserves, regardless of gender."
What has surprised you about the experience of fatherhood so far? How do you feel changed as a person?
"What surprised me most is how much fatherhood is actually about your own growth. I thought I was signing up to raise a child, but in many ways Ducky has raised me too. He's taught me patience, presence, vulnerability, and how to slow down enough to appreciate the small moments."
"I've become more intentional. More grounded. More aware of what truly matters. The things I once thought were urgent don't feel nearly as important anymore."
What was your own upbringing like?
"I was born in Saint Vincent and the Grenadines and was raised primarily by my mother, who is one of the strongest people I know. She raised three children largely on her own and worked incredibly hard to make sure we had what we needed. We didn't have much, but we had a strong village, love, discipline, resilience, and a deep sense of family. Watching her navigate life taught me perseverance long before I understood what the word meant."
You've previously discussed growing up without your father around. Has becoming a father helped you heal your past at all?
"Without question. Growing up without my father left questions that took years to unpack. Becoming a father has allowed me to redefine what fatherhood means for myself. Every time I show up for Ducky, every time I make him feel safe, seen, loved, and celebrated, a small part of my younger self heals too."
"My fatherhood journey has given me an opportunity to become the parent I needed when I was younger. It has taught me that healing doesn't always happen through answers, it sometimes happens through action and on its own time."
What does being a great father mean to you?
"Being present. Keeping your word. Creating emotional safety. Being accountable. Being willing to apologize when you're wrong. Being consistent. Being a kid too. I don't believe great fathers are perfect fathers. I think great fathers are consistent fathers."
What about being a great man?
"For me, being a great man means leading with integrity, compassion, and authenticity. It means making people feel valued when they're around you. And, also understanding that I am Ducky’s mirror."
Are there things from your own upbringing that you're consciously trying to incorporate (or not incorporate) into Ducky's upbringing?
"Absolutely. I want Ducky to inherit my mother's resilience, work ethic, and determination. Those things helped shape who I am. At the same time, I'm intentionally creating more space for emotional conversations. I want him to know that feelings aren't weaknesses, but they’re in fact superpowers. I want him to feel safe talking about anything that's on his mind."
You are so in touch with creativity, fashion, and design. Is this something you're trying to infuse into Ducky's childhood?
"Definitely. Whether we're getting dressed together, visiting museums, reading books, taking photographs, listening to music, or creating content together, I want creativity to feel normal in our home."
"The 'What We Wore Today' and 'GRWM' videos are fun, but they're also moments of connection. They're opportunities for self-expression, confidence-building, and storytelling."
What excites you most about fatherhood right now?
"What excites me most is watching Ducky become his own person. Hearing his thoughts, watching his imagination work, seeing his confidence grow."
What makes you most nervous?
"What makes me nervous is what makes every parent nervous: knowing that I can't protect him from every disappointment, every challenge, or every heartbreak. My job isn't to remove every obstacle. My job is to prepare him to navigate them while knowing he's deeply loved."
What advice would you give to other solo dads who want to begin their fatherhood journey through fostering or adoption?
"Don't wait until you feel completely ready because you probably never will. Lead with love. Ask questions. Build community. Accept help when it's offered and give yourself grace. The paperwork, uncertainty, and waiting can feel overwhelming. But on the other side of that process is a child who needs someone willing to show up. And showing up is where everything begins."
Tell us about your home.
"I've lived in Brooklyn for several years, and my home has become a reflection of who I am. The vibe is warm, calm, intentional, and lived-in. Lots of neutrals, books, textures, meaningful pieces, and plenty of evidence that a little boy lives here too."
"One of my favorite things about our home is that it feels safe. In a city that moves as fast as New York does, our apartment feels like a place where both Ducky and I can exhale."
What spots in Brooklyn and NYC can folks find you at?
"You'll usually find us somewhere that allows us to slow down and be present. We love spending time in Fort Greene Park, visiting museums, exploring bookstores, grabbing coffee, and finding family-friendly pockets of the city."
"Some of my favorite days are the simplest ones, walking through Brooklyn, spending time at the Brooklyn Museum, visiting the American Museum of Natural History, or sitting in the park watching Ducky explore the world around him."
What appeals to you about raising Ducky in NYC?
"The diversity. The culture. The creativity. The exposure to different people and experiences. One day we're at a museum. The next day we're at a cultural event, a playground, or trying food from a completely different part of the world. New York teaches curiosity."
"There's also something nostalgic about raising Ducky here. New York has played such a big role in my own growth, and now I get to watch him create his own memories in the same city that's helped shape me."
"The challenge is that it can be expensive and overwhelming at times. But the positives far outweigh the negatives for me. Raising Ducky here feels like giving him access to endless possibilities."
Can you tell us about your career in a nutshell?
"I spent thirteen years working in education before transitioning into full-time content creation. Education taught me how to communicate, advocate, build relationships, and create community."
"Today, I’m an Editor in Residence at Who What Wear, I create content centered around fatherhood, lifestyle, fashion, storytelling, and intentional living while sharing the realities of raising Ducky as a solo dad."
How has becoming a dad impacted your creativity and career?
"Fatherhood changed everything. When Ducky was around six months old, I made the decision to leave a 13-year career in education and bet on myself. That was one of the scariest decisions I've ever made. He became my biggest motivation. Every risk I've taken since then has been rooted in creating a life where I could be present for him while building something meaningful for both of us."
Do you have any creative or spiritual practices to stay inspired and grounded?
"Prayer. Therapy. Journaling. Long walks. Quiet mornings."
"I've learned that inspiration usually finds me when I slow down enough to listen. Some of my best ideas have come while walking through Brooklyn, sitting with my thoughts, visiting my local café or writing in my journal before the day begins."
What's inspiring you lately? Any projects we should look out for?
"Lately, I've been inspired by real stories and real people. I'm always drawn to conversations about identity, healing, parenthood, creativity, and community. Fashion will always inspire me, but so will everyday moments—a conversation with Ducky, a museum visit, a good book, or a walk through New York."
"As for projects, I'm excited about continuing to grow Ducky+Dada, expanding The Community Café on Substack, growing our YouTube channel, and launching my 'Yeah So...' journal. Every project I create is rooted in the same mission: helping people feel seen, connected, and a little less alone."
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I don`t get the part about leading, why is it important for a man to be a leader in the first place?