
Doula, Musician, And Bad-Ass Single Mama Domino Kirke
Written by Katie Hintz-Zambrano
Photography by Photographed by Maria Del Rio
There are some women who are so achingly cool, that the fact itself really goes without saying. Such is the case with Domino Kirke, a longtime Brooklyn dweller (by way of England), who is one of the co-founders of Carriage House Birth, which she started eight years ago after noticing a gap in her own care while carrying and delivering her son, Cassius (now 8). While juggling the demands of devoted, single-motherhood and her busy on-call lifestyle (she’s attended around 200 births in the Brooklyn/NYC area), she’s also managed to finish up her first full-length album, which will be released this spring (peep her sister Jemima, of GIRLS fame, in her latest video). Find out more about the inspiring mama—including her ace advice for successful co-parenting and the books she considers must-reads—in our snapshot of a day-in-the-life with Domino, below.
- "We've been here six months. After living in Williamsburg for 13 years, I just had to get out. Like everyone, I flirted with the idea of upstate New York or L.A., but wasn't quite ready. My son got into a school in Clinton Hill, so we wanted to be nearby. I found a ‘cottage,' built in the mid-1800s. It feels like the countryside in England! We're the luckiest. I feel like I'm back home!"
- "I'm a sucker for wide, wood floor boards. Our home has them throughout. It feels like a fairytale in here."
- "Comfy. Warm. Simple."
- "My kitchen table. It's an old wood one, the perfect size. It comfortably seats four people and makes you want to sit there for hours, eating roast dinners, soups, and porridge. One of my favorite pieces of art is a drawing my friend Luke drew for me. Another is a painting of an empty room my mum found at a flea market years ago. It's been through a lot with me."
- All the pretty tats.
- "Cass is an only child. It's really our house. So, yes, it's one big playroom and I'm okay with it! He just has to clean up after himself."
- "I'm a Birth Doula and Birth Educator."
- "I noticed a huge gap in my care and in the system during my pregnancy and birth. I was interested in midwifery before I had my son, but once I gave birth, I realized I wanted to be a doula first and support women in a way I didn't feel I was supported during my experience."
- "I've been a doula for about eight years now. I've attended around 200 births."
- "This work has allowed me to be of service. I've learned how to hold space for strangers. I've learned how to check my ego, I've learned how take care of myself so I can keep showing up for others, and, of course, my own family."
- "Trust yourself. Your first thought is your best thought. Take breaks. Nap. Learn to meditate."
- "I take everything much more seriously. I'm much more present."
- "I have more fun. I have less of an agenda now. It just feels necessary now. It's my joy."
- "I've learned to admit defeat. I take a lot of baths and I ask for space. It's been very hard to integrate the on-call lifestyle into single parenthood. But I really do have a great community around me, and a co-parent that gets it."
- "I love mentoring and meeting new doulas. I love watching a family meet their baby. Really, there's nothing like it. I'm always speechless and in awe."
- "I'm finishing my first full-length record as we speak! It'll be released in the spring. I'll be touring a little, teaching doula trainings. I'm so excited to see how it'll all work out! I've really never had to do birth work and music at once. I'm not on-call as much these days, so that'll make it all easier to manage."
- "Walking! Bumping into people, the history, the diversity, community. We really couldn't live anywhere else. It's non-stop, but we find ways to slow down and be together. This city keeps us on our toes just the right amount."
- Window accents.
- "I meditate and pray in the morning before Cass wakes up. I make breakfast, pack his lunch, then we walk to school. I try to exercise after I drop him off or go home to write and practice music. I go to Carriage House Birth Monday through Wednesday until about 1pm, and/or find a way to connect with my partners. I'm on call for two to three clients a month, and I'm starting to play more shows, so rehearsals happen somewhere in there, too. I pick up Cass—sometimes he has chess or basketball after school—come home, maybe have a playdate, hang, read, eat dinner...repeat!”
- Pick-up time!
- "Yes! The birth community is small, and the doulas I work with are always there.”
- Home sweet home.
- "We love the breakfast sandwiches at PECKS on Myrtle Ave. We kill for hot cocoa at Van Leeuwen. They use real whipped cream. We love the Brooklyn Super Hero Supply Co., the playground at The Old Stone House. McCarren Park is awesome for night frisbee because it's so well lit. That's Cass' favorite."
- Tickle attack!
- "I have to manage my time, and I was never any good at that before I was a mom. I have more anxiety now, but at the same time I have so much less. Life is so much simpler in many ways. I have epic self care now, and I know how to listen. That's the biggest gift motherhood has given me. I now know how to show up for someone else and really pay attention."
- "I love his globe light and his coat hanger, which used to belong to me and my sister. It has a lot of our graffiti on it. He likes how low the ceilings are. He also loves how low and small the windows are. He says it makes his room feel like a boat!”
- "How hard it was to be responsible for another living thing."
- "That I get better and better at it. I've learned I can begin again at any point in the day and forgive myself, and surprise myself. I get to hang out with this incredibly wise and sweet person. It's such an honor!"
- Baby Cass!
- "I worry that I'm not doing it 'perfectly' and I spend too much time on my phone. I'm nervous that the world he's coming up in is going to be something I can't prepare him for."
- "We snuggle in the morning and then we down cereal. We'd go to the park close by, or see friends. We walk all over the place. We have the best conversations when we walk outside, through our neighborhood. We end the day with some cooking, dancing, a bath, and a prayer. We always fall asleep to The Blue Planet."
- "Lindsey Bliss and Samantha Huggins. They are my partners at Carriage House Birth."
- "Make time. Don't expect to go back to your old life. Prepare for that transition as much as you can while you're pregnant. Learn from other mums. Take newborn care classes. Let people help you. It truly takes a village.”
- Skeleton play.
- "I didn't know his sex when I was pregnant and I swore up and down he was a girl! I planned on getting a dog after we had him (the most stressed out people always get animals). When I saw him—all 10 pounds of him—I thought, 'Oh! Hello! I don't have a name for you. Here, you can take the dog's name, Cassius!’"
- "It's really hard to say. Growing up, there were four of us and my parents were together. I only have one and I'm separated from his father. So, I'd say that I'm more tuned into my kid than my parents were with me. Mainly because of the times (the '80s) and simple math. They had less time. Sometimes Cass and I only have each other!"
- "Birthing From Within by Pam England, The Awakened Family by Shafali Tsabary, and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish."
- "We live close by, at least once a month."
- "We love Amy's Gluten Free Pizza! Quinoa, cooked in the rice cooker, with black beans, avocado, and an egg. Pasta with Ghee and Parmesan."
- "I feel very blessed in this area. I am lucky to actually really love Cass' father. He's a wonderful person and overall a very stand-up human. I know a lot of divorces and separations do not go the way it went for us. So, I can say that clear communication, schedules, and setting boundaries really help. We both travel, and I'm on call, so flexibility and fairness are really important to us. I was quite young and selfish when I had Cass. I wasn't ready to look at parts of myself that really needed work. The first few years were a wild ride as far as parenting was concerned. I struggled with postpartum depression and we eventually decided to go our separate ways when Cass was 3-years-old. I learned that when I am loving towards his father it's like loving Cass that much more (if that's even possible!). So, that's really the name of the game. Love! Tension is so harmful. To forgive him for it not working out is to forgive myself.”
- "Comfort is key. I dress up and then swear I'll NEVER do THAT again! I still wear things I wore in high school."
- "I like linen more. I wear only flat shoes."
- "An army jumpsuit and my Frye motorcycle boots. I like No. 6 dresses, because they're flattering, elegant, and easy to wear. I know there are other brands, but I mainly wear hand-me-downs from friends and shop at thrift stores."
- "Narnia Vintage. Oroboro. Malin Vintage. Apparently I don't leave my neighborhood."
- "I only wash my face at night, not in the morning. I use only oil on my face, either One Love or Isa's Restoratives. I love anything by Weleda. I especially love the Arnica Oil all over after a hot bath."
- "I work out twice a week at Hard Boiled in Clinton Hill. It's like holistic cross-fit. It sorta makes me wanna puke every time. I've been known to hit up a Soul Cycle class or two when my good friend Ross Days is teaching. I've practiced TM (transcendental meditation) for 4 years, I don't drink alcohol, and I always try to bookend the day with prayer.”
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