“It’s in Bed Stuy and I’ve been living here for about 8 years. It was the first building my grandmother, who is originally from Grenada, purchased when she moved to the neighborhood. I’m currently moving about 10 blocks away to another building that my grandmother recently purchased.”

Kai wears a vintage slip dress from Sincerely, Tommy.

“It’s very minimal and it has some old charm that comes from being a brownstone—the woodwork, the floors, the tiles around the fireplaces. I’ve made it my own and modernized it a bit with some renovations over the years, and adding my own furniture and style.”

“In the new space, he’ll have his own room and I hope to contain as much of his stuff in his space. Growing up, I didn’t have that many toys or things, and I sort of intend to do the same thing for him. Our approach to guiding him as he grows is to give him more experiences versus items. Traveling is really important to me, the community that he’s going to be surrounded by is important to me. So, that’s where I’m putting my focus on instead of things. So far, everything I’ve put on our registry and the little items I’ve picked up, even through they are baby things, they don’t feel overwhelming. I’ve been pretty strict about friends getting me things. I don’t want extra stuff I don’t need. I have the basics, like a crib.”

“I tend to pick up new objects when I travel, so they have a meaning and sentimental value. I can look at a piece and it reminds me of the place I got it from. Most of them are handmade or created by local artisans, so I know that I am supporting small artists, who are making these things because it’s a craft passed down to them or something that they love to do. For furniture, I try to find pieces that are more classic. I don’t buy things to match. I buy pieces that I love individually. I think the space tends to come together more when you do that and it gives you more flexibility to change things up, which I do a lot.”

“My favorite pieces right now are a sculpture I brought back from Cuba and some terracotta clay pots from my recent road trip to New Mexico.”

“When I imagined being pregnant, I had this plan in my mind of all of the things I would do during pregnancy. But now that I’m experiencing it, that plan has not been at all accurate. Before this pregnancy, I experienced a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy. So, there’s been a lot of fear going into this and really trying to trust my body. I’ve been cautious with all of my movements and, since I’m running a business, just trying to watch my stress level more than anything. My doula has been great during the process. Anything that comes up for me, I can communicate to her. I talk to the baby a lot and just reassure him that anything I’m dealing with is my stuff and not having anything to do with him. I know that when babies are in the womb, they feel everything their mother feels. And I don’t want him to have my trauma or my stuff when he’s experiencing his own journey. There’s been a lot of learning. Most of all, it’s about being very present.”

“I was certainly more in touch with myself before my loss. I had what I thought was a really good relationship with my body. If anything, I might have been a little naïve, thinking nothing could touch me. I’d never been in a hospital or had any major surgery. The miscarriage happened in February 2017. I had just started dating my partner at the time, and we weren’t even trying. On my second visit to the OB, she told me they saw a lot of fluid around the fetus and that I most likely had a miscarriage. Up to that point, I really had no idea what a miscarriage was. My mother was with me and we both asked a bunch of questions. It was really traumatizing. Shortly after, I did miscarry and it was really, really hard. No one around me had ever miscarried, so I wasn’t able to talk to anyone. I felt like I wasn’t capable of having kids. I didn’t understand what was going on. Because I was only 7 weeks pregnant, there wasn’t that understanding from others that just because I didn’t get to hold this baby or it wasn’t a full-term pregnancy that there wasn’t a connection. At the time, I processed it as my body failing me. I also come from a line of very strong black women. In the black community, there’s kind of this approach of ‘Get over it. You’ve got a lot of things to do. You got to keep it moving.’ And that’s what I did. The day after I miscarried, it was Market Week, which is when all the brands are showing to buyers and I had just launched our in-house brand. So, I had to meet with buyers all day, the whole week. I had to put on this face that I’m okay. But it was really hard. I don’t think I ever really grieved what happened. I would have my moments, when I would be at home crying, because the grieving wasn’t happening. Then shortly after, in October, I found out I was pregnant again.”

“Shortly after taking the pregnancy test, I started bleeding. I was so confused. I thought maybe it was a false pregnancy test. I just went about my life normally, as if my period was there. But the bleeding continued for 10 days. I went to go see an OB and she explained that she thought I was having an ectopic pregnancy, but because it was so early they couldn’t see anything on the sonogram. She asked me to come back in two weeks. During that time, I had stopped bleeding, but right before I went back to the doctor, I started bleeding again and this time it was really, really painful. I couldn’t even get out of bed. She told me to go to the ER immediately. That’s when I found out it was for sure an ectopic pregnancy and I had to have an emergency surgery. They told me that I didn’t even have an option, that if I didn’t do this, I would die. They said I was losing so much blood and it’s leaking into my stomach. At that time, I hadn’t even told anyone around me. I think my best friend knew. My mother showed up at the hospital hysterical. The surgery includes making two incisions on the side of the stomach and then one in the belly button, to put a camera inside. They have to suck out the fetus and cut the fallopian tube, since mine had ruptured from the bleeding. It was a really hard time, especially not even getting over the first miscarriage. The doctors did reassure me that I’d still be able to get pregnant, that this happens. But it wasn’t so reassuring, especially after my previous miscarriage."

...Continued on next slide.

"As women, we’ve been given this narrative of how it’s supposed to happen—you have sex, you get pregnant. We’re supposed to bear children. So, the natural reaction is that something is wrong with you if it doesn’t happen so easily. You think you’re not capable; you’re not a woman. But you have to create your own narrative and understand that these things sometimes happen for you and not to you. I’m still processing this concept. Going into my current pregnancy, I’m having a lot of these conversations with myself.”

“I definitely waited to tell people. When I hit the 12-week mark, it felt more real. Both losses happened around the 7-week mark. At 12 weeks, I told my family and close friends. Even after I saw my belly growing and everything going okay, I still had those anxious, worrisome feelings because you just never know. It’s really not up to you. The universe has its own plan. I’m constantly having to find peace and trust.”

“The idea of meeting this person whom I had a part in creating. He chose me to be his mom, which is such an honor. I’m very excited to learn from him and have us be each other’s teachers and do a lot of exploring. My friends who are mothers are doing such a wonderful job with their children and it’s so needed right now, just having a new generation of thinkers and active, mindful living. We need that. I’m excited to guide my son in that direction. And obviously he will choose which way he’ll go in the end."

"I know your priorities change a lot, but I always knew I wanted children, I didn’t know what age. I definitely think the loss of the last two pregnancies made me more anxious to want to have a child. I just always wanted to have my own little family. I love my parents so much and the things they exposed me to. Even their relationship I really respect and admire. Even though they divorced a long time ago, they remained really close friends. That’s something I really value. Sometimes I can’t even believe I’m going to be a mom. It’s so crazy."

“Being prepared and being able to provide a comfortable lifestyle. Making sure he’s never short of anything that he wants or needs. Obviously, living for one person is different than providing for two. That kind of makes me nervous—am I doing enough? Am I making enough money? The other thing is making sure I’m grounded. I want him to see someone who is grounded and mindful. I know that things come up in your life that have you acting in ways that are outside of yourself, and as a mom I think you have to go that extra step to implement mindful living.”

Kai wears a vintage crochet dress from Sincerely, Tommy, and Helmut Lang shoes.

“Everyone thought I was having a girl. I had friends who were having dreams about it. Then, right before I got the sonogram, I thought, 'I am having a boy, actually.' At first, to be honest, I was a little bit sad about it. But now I can’t imagine having anything else. My partner and I both agree that we all put way too much emphasis on gender. It shouldn’t change how we want to guide our child and the things we want to share with him. Gender shouldn’t change that. I’ve always been a ‘girls’ girl’ to be sure, and now I’m just really excited to see what he brings to the table."

“We do have a name in mind. It was chosen by my mom. She actually chose it 3 years ago and it’s stuck with me. It’s an activist who we all strongly admire. He’s no longer with us, but he’s a very popular activist. I’ve always loved the name for a boy or a girl. And my mom also recently picked out a middle name! The second name is a Navajo name that means ‘the creator.’ I’ve always really respected the indigenous people’s culture and on this recent New Mexico trip I took with my partner, we were able to spend some time on the Navajo reservation. It was a reminder and affirmation that I would love for my son to have this name. I hope when he comes that the name suits him.”

“I don’t have any icons, but there are certainly people who I’ve pulled from. Recently a friend sent me an article with Lisa Bonet discussing how she is raising her children. They live on a ranch in California and they are surrounded by nature and animals and they have no TV's. She never uses her phone around her kids and I think they have one computer in the home. That to me sounds like exactly what I want to do. Reading it was awesome. So, I’ll hear about certain families and how they have chosen to raise their children, and I sometimes pull from there. But I don’t have one person.”

“Every pregnancy book I’ve read or started reading, I put down by the second chapter. I realize everyone’s pregnancy is so different, especially after my own personal experience, and don’t want those expectations on myself. So, I’ve had to put those books down and instead turn to the types of thinking I want to implement or the type of surroundings I want around myself. My favorite book is by Osho, called Love, Freedom, Aloneness. I’ve been reading it for 10 years. Maybe once a year I’ll pick it up. He has a section on how he thinks children should be raised and it’s something I’ve always respected. He believes in children being raised in community, so that they can pull from all of these influences and experiences. Versus just having two parents. I always loved that. It’s made me mindful about my current community.”

“I’d like a home birth. I want my mom, my partner, and my doula and midwife in the room. Some music. Very simple. If I had my preference, I would be outdoors somewhere, but I’ve learned through this process that the baby comes however he chooses to come.”

“I grew up in New York. I have an older sister and a little brother from my dad, but I’m the only child of my mother. I lived with my mom for most of my life and my father for a few years. He moved to Maryland about 10 years ago. I feel so grateful for both of my parents and that I chose them to be my parents. Now as an adult, they are friends of mine. I talk to them all the time. For the most part, they exposed me to as much as possible. I was in every creative activity that you could think of. Being creative was something that was important to both of them. At around 12, my father suggested I go to therapy, just so I could develop a healthy relationship with myself and express myself. It’s something I really appreciate doing, because it certainly did help develop my passion for self-love and health overall. Looking back, the things my dad had us doing were really fun—whether it was rock climbing in Central Park or doing relay races in the grocery store. When I was 8 years old, he got me a trunk for my birthday filled with every type of costume you can think of. I think that sparked my interest in style and expressing myself. It was all about being free. For my mom, she sacrificed a lot. She never brought other men around, even when she was dating. She was really mindful about that, it was all about me and her. We started traveling really early, so I was able to see so many cultures. There are so many things I will take from how they raised me.”

“While he's still a baby, our plan is to go to Grenada, which is where my grandmother is originally from and still has a house. We want to go for like a month. Our bigger plan is to go to Senegal for a while next year. My partner and I both have a strong love for Africa and I want my son to be around brown people who are happier than they are here and in an environment that supports freedom more than it does here. The energy is just so different. Every time I visit the continent I have felt an immediate sense of peace and being home. I feel welcome. And that’s something I want to instill in my son early on. That’s our plan.”

Kai wears vintage from Sincerely, Tommy, and Helmut Lang shoes.

“I’m all about comfort. Especially being pregnant. I just want to be comfortable all the time. I’m big on wearing flats. I think I have only about 3 pairs of heels and they get pulled out only on special occasions. Over the last 2 years, I’ve also become a lot more frugal. It’s weird saying this as a store owner, but the idea of buying clothes is not as appealing. I still love and respect the art of fashion design, but I don’t buy that many things for myself anymore. I’m very classic. If I do purchase something, it has to be very special and something I’ll have for a long time.”

"A good slip dress, for sure. And flats. Birkenstocks. I also like to buy really funky flats. I have some staple pieces from Helmut Lang and Alexander Wang. If I’m going to wear flats all the time, I like them to be a cute pair.”

“Early on it was easy, only now has it become harder and I can’t fit into anything. I can hardly wear pants and right now it’s so hot and I just don’t want to wear anything. I like to be as naked as I can possibly be.”

“I’m gravitating towards a lot of vintage Pleats Please by Issey Miyake. Priscavera is also doing really cute slip dresses that I’ve been able to wear throughout this pregnancy."

“It’s always been simple. I wash my face with either Dr. Bronner's or a fragrance-free oatmeal soap. Then I moisture with pure vitamin E oil. I use tea tree oil every now and then because I have oily skin. I don’t wear makeup. So, my morning routine is really quick.”

“Wellness has always been a big part of my life. And it’s definitely developed quicker over the last two years. I try to meditate or pray often. I have an altar in my bedroom that contains everything that means something to me, whether it’s a reminder or a mantra manifestation. Or just a moment during the day where I surrender to what my path is, my process, and allowing things to happen. During my pregnancy, I’ve been very cranky. I’m very moody naturally, but during pregnancy it’s been heightened. My mom sent me a good reminder. She’s a huge Abraham Hicks fan and she sent me this video that put things in perspective. It’s about focusing on the things that you want instead of nitpicking. And I had found that I was doing that. It was a nice wake-up call to be mindful in my thinking and in my words. I tend to sort of dissect every move I make to make sure it’s falling in line with what I want to attract. And I think that’s a form of meditation.”

“I was told so many times, even by my midwife, that having a vegetarian or meat-free pregnancy was not an option. It certainly gave me a lot of anxiety, because I was raised vegan. I want to share this, as an advocate, that it’s possible to be able to continue a plant-based diet during pregnancy. Personally, I only recently started to eat fish, and only salmon. I've also found that bone broths are amazing and good for cleansing the system and providing a lot of protein."

“I’m the owner and creative director of Sincerely, Tommy, which has been open for 4 years, since 2014. It’s a lifestyle concept store. We carry emerging brands, vintage, and home goods from my travels, and there’s an in-house coffee bar. I always wanted to have a space where you can come and create, hang out, explore, and ask questions. It’s become a hub for local artists and creatives.”

“I actually didn’t finish college. I went to LIM, which is a business of fashion school. I ended up transferring to FIT, and after the first year I knew it wasn’t for me. I knew since I was 16 that I wanted to open a store and I assumed I needed to go to school to learn how to write a business plan and merchandising. But once I got there, I was already working for a store that I loved and I was doing their buying. I didn’t feel that I needed the school experience. Shortly after I left school, I started working at Chanel and then Aritzia, where I opened the brand's first store in SoHo. Soon after, I wrote a business plan for Sincerely, Tommy and showed it to my mother and grandmother. They didn’t know how it would work in the neighborhood, but they were still onboard. In 2014 in Bed Stuy, it was somewhat gentrified, but definitely not to the point that it is now. My grandmother is an angel. She bought a building and three months later we gut renovated the entire space and the store opened another 3 months later on the exact date I wanted it to open. My mother was my initial investor and my grandmother put a lot of money in. So, this is their store. They’ve been my biggest supporters for sure.”

“Because of the neighborhood we’re in, because it’s a refreshing space, and a black, female-owned business, we’ve been able to attract people and we’ve gotten so much press and support. It’s cultivated this amazing community of people who support us. I feel so blessed for that. Whenever I see someone come in who is the demographic I was targeting, I think ‘Yes! I did this. I’m doing it right.’”

“Staffing. This current generation is just so different. My work ethic and the ethic of my peers is based on starting from the ground up and working your way up, working for free, getting people coffee, working for a terrible boss and then five years later doing your own thing. Now everything is so readily available. I will get people sending their Instagram handle versus a resume, which baffles me. Training staff to work hard and work from the bottom up has been challenging."

“I think I’ve just become tougher, which is a good thing. I don’t really like confrontation or uncomfortable conversation. This is a challenge when you’re the boss and working with people in your same age group or a couple years younger. I’ve had a tendency to sweep certain things under the rug or approach things from a more timid standpoint. I’ve gotten better over the years, but I think as I become a mother I’ve become a bit firmer in my stance. I need to know everything is running smoothly in my space while I’m not there.”

“Up until last year, running my store, I was still doing everything for the most part. I had a very small team. I always felt like I could do it, I got this. But now that I’m about to take this major life turn, it’s forced me to get all of my ducks in a row. I have managers in the store now. I have someone taking care of every layer in the space. And it’s helped me a lot, just understanding that for the business to really succeed and grow, I need to be able to focus on the backend and not always be in the creative space that I’m used to and enjoy being in. I’m trying to be present and allow myself to let go a little bit. As hard as that is, because the business is my first baby. I’ve got a really great team right now. Every day I wake up and create a to-do list, just for myself so I can dictate what my day looks like for the most part and try to maintain that as much as possible.”

“We’re opening a second space in about a year. It’s about 10 blocks away from the original space.”

Kai wears a vintage dress from Sincerely, Tommy, and Maryam Nassir Zadeh shoes.

“I’m definitely excited about having a little Brooklyn baby. It’s a lot different from when I grew up here. The culture is so different. I’ll have to put more intention into showing him culture, because it’s not as authentic as it used to be. That’s another reason why I really want to go to Africa. The climate in this country, I think it’s just felt everywhere. It’s really intense and also really scary. I get excited about the idea of going upstate to Woodstock, which is a town my parents took me to when I was little. I feel very happy that most of both sides of my family still live in the neighborhood. He’s going to have such a big family around him.”

“I used to think about living in Mexico City and that’s still an option, potentially. Now what keeps me wanting to stay here is that I do have so much family nearby. I’m so connected to my family and they are such a big part of my life. And I want him to have that closeness as well. If anything, it would be nice to have a break from the city 3-6 months out of the year, but not relocate full-time. I have at least three places I would love to spend more time in.”

“My favorite local, old-school spot in Brooklyn is Ali's Roti. It’s a Trinidadian roti spot. My family is West Indian, so I love West Indian food. There's also a really cute restaurant called Calaca. It’s a young woman who owns it with her mom. I think they are from Oaxaca. They have a great mezcal menu and the mom makes all the food in the kitchen. The Brooklyn Museum and The Met are my favorites museums. And I’m a big Upstate person, so as often as I can get there, I will drive up. I love Woodstock and Hudson and Beacon.”

What about local places should a fellow pregnant lady should know about? “My mom has been a long-time member of the Park Slope Food Co-Op, so I go with her whenever she goes. The produce is so fresh and affordable. There’s a massage parlor called Red Moon Wellness in Park Slope, as well. There’s another one by where I live in Bed Stuy called Life Wellness. The woman who owns it, Khadija, is a woman of color and she does prenatal massages that are amazing. The Brooklyn Acupuncture Project in Red Hook does prenatal acupuncture.”

For more on Kai, her business, and her new arrival, be sure to follow her on Instagram here and here.