6 Happy Couples Share Their Wisdom
Written by James Kicinski-McCoy
Photography by Photograph courtesy of Tom and Dori
Here’s something we all know—marriage (and committed relationships) take work. They ebb and flow, and like anything else, they need attention, effort, and maintenance to keep going strong and blossoming through the thick and thin. So, what’s the secret to a happy relationship? We’ve asked six couples who have a collective 100+ years of matrimony under their belts, and loving life together to share their wisdom (and their amazing wedding photos!) with us below.
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- Yindi: "On January 1st, 1989, we got married in Zhengzhou, Henan province, China. Twenty eight years have flown by, and our love is still the same. To love someone is to love the whole person. Not only by loving the person's strengths, but also by accepting and putting up with his/her weaknesses."
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- James: "Open communication, work together on finances, have a good relationship with the in-laws, a strong, mutual spiritual foundation, and a solid intimate relationship."
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Sandy: "I’m one of those fortunate people who fall more deeply in love with their spouse as time goes by. When asked to share why I thought I ended up with such good fortune, a string of clichés immediately ran through my head: effective communication, team work, respect, luck, time. Cliché as these thoughts may be, they ring true for us. First, I believe both spouses have to be willing to do the hard work that creates a team. This is where I think luck has a hand. And though all of the above clichés are running smoothly for us and have been for many years, it took a lot of patience and perseverance to arrive at this spot. This is the time factor. It takes two players, hard work, and time to create a good marital team. I don’t want to imply that we no longer annoy, nag, or frustrate each other—believe me, we do. It’s how we handle those moments that make us work. There is also the unspoken communication; the exchanged looks, the touches, and small actions that show we are thinking of each other. We actively watch for ways we can make each other’s day go a bit smoother, whether it’s an encouraging smile, a helping hand, or a quick hug. All major decisions are made after discussion and, as with any team, compromises are made."
Tim: "I agree with Sandy, which makes it easy for us to get along. In other words, 'What she said'. Oh, and Coffee—my first job of the day is to bring coffee to Sandy—coffee may be the key to a happy marriage."
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Rilda: "The secret to our great marriage? God, and the fact that I married my best friend! When I first met my husband, I saw him as a 'rough and tough cowboy', but the more time I spent with him, I saw a sweet and gentle spirit that he chose not to expose to others. He made me laugh, he made cry, he made me comfortable, he made me be me. He made me feel happy, he made me feel safe, and when I visited him, he made me feel at home."
Earl: "The #1 ingredient to having a good marriage is being friends first and foremost. When at times other areas may start to falter, having a relationship built on a strong friendship is what makes it last."
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- Dori: "Life is a Journey and it’s a blessing if you find the right partner to come along on the path. We have been married for 35 years and we have been team players right from the start. We opened a business together 34 years ago, so we work together, live together, play together, and raised two wonderful children together. What is the secret to a happy and fulfilled marriage? I don’t think there is one definitive answer. We come from more traditional times, growing up in the '50s, '60s, and young adulthood in the '70s. Our own parents were together 'til the end and growing up Italian meant family was everything, and to this day that is still our everything. Love, respect, and communication are the keys to a healthy marriage. It’s not always perfect, but we never tried to change each other, allowing each other the freedom to do the things we wanted to do as individuals. Tom is a private pilot and loves to fly and I have my own set of wings and I was lucky enough never to have them clipped."
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Miri: "Give each other freedom to do what you want and be who you are. Respect each other."
Nik: "Miri and I have been together since 2006, so we just celebrated our ten-year anniversary. We've lived together in Stuttgart, Germany (where I’m from), in Singapore, and now in Freiburg, Germany (where Miri is from). Of the ten years we’ve been together, we spent over two years doing long distance when I was still living in Singapore, and she was already back in Germany. I think what makes a relationship 'happy' or 'successful' is realizing that it's okay not to be happy all the time. Sometimes it's rough, you'll get over it. However, be happy. Don't expect your partner to think or be the same as you. Just do what you do and be how you are apart from any expectations towards your partner. Be individuals together. If you snap or are rude, apologize instantly. It will never be easier to do than in that exact instant. It’s also much easier to forgive. Don't make assumptions. Ask and talk it out, a lot. Speak your mind, speak your heart all the time. Have each other's back. Sometimes it's hard, as you don't always agree with each other, but be a team anyway. Take it one step at the time. As time goes on, planning becomes more eminent, but try to not overthink every single thing. Keep a little lightness. Be honest. There are easy and difficult things to be honest about, but it's one of the best things we do. Oh, and have loads of fun!"
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