Mother Stories
Meet Mimi and Talia: Two Single Moms By Choice Who Share A Sperm Donor & Special Family Connection
Written by Erin Feher
Photography by Photography by Heather Moore
Feb 11, 2020
It’s a double-mother feature today—an incredible story of how two women made their individual families, then grew them exponentially by combining forces! Mimi and Talia live on opposite coasts (San Francisco and NYC, respectively), and knew nothing of each other when they each decided to have a child on their own seven years ago. But they ended up selecting the same sperm donor, and shortly after their kids were born, they connected on a private Facebook group set up for families who had all used that particular donor—identified only by a 5-digit number. From their online profiles, Mimi and Talia had reason to believe they would hit it off, so when the kids—Talia’s son Rian, and Mimi’s daughter, Logan—were 2 years old, they decided to meet up and find out. Not only did the women make an instant connection, but they were shocked at the uncanny resemblance of their children, who both had golden locks, button noses, sleepy-yet-thoughtful gazes, and pouty smiles. Ever since that first visit, the families have made a point to see each other regularly, including spending some holidays together as an extended crew. The kids call each other brother and sister, and are both avid builders and enthusiastic skateboarders. We were lucky enough to tag along with them during their most recent meet up over the holidays, when Mimi and Logan came out to Brooklyn for a few days to hang with Talia and Rian (and crash at their gorgeous brownstone). Click through the slideshow below to meet this exceptional crew and learn more about Mimi and Talia’s experience as single moms by choice, and members of an extra-special extended family.
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- TALIA: "We have a private Facebook group for families who have used this same donor, and I think we first connected there. I’ve met quite a lot of the families—one lives in Brooklyn so we see them quite often. It's a pretty weird, and mostly wonderful, extended family."
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MIMI: "We met in person when the kids were 2. Logan and I took a trip to NY and spent a charming afternoon in Fort Greene Park with Talia and Rian, along with another donor family. We had a blast. Over the last few years we’ve visited numerous times."
TALIA: "At that first meet-up I got us a cake with the donor number on it. The woman at the bakery wondered why we were putting a zip code on the cake, ha. The kids got on great, and so did Mimi and I. At the time, they were really young and did not understand the connection, but I’ve always been honest with Rian and he has a pretty good understanding now. I feel very lucky to have Mimi and Logan in our donor group. Like any family, you don’t get to choose who is in it, but I’d always choose Mimi and Logan in our lives."
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TALIA: "They really love each other. They are quite similar, get on great, and enjoy similar things. They were very excited to refer to each other as brother and sister the last time we got together. Rian couldn’t wait to introduce his school friends to his sister."
MIMI: "And they bear an uncanny resemblance."
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MIMI: "Yes. Always."
TALIA: "I never thought about it either way when I was young."
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TALIA: "When I was about 35. I think."
MIMI: "After my 40th birthday, my dad brought up the idea of freezing my eggs. The idea had been rolling around in my mind for years, but something about that conversation shifted things. I froze my eggs a month later, not thinking I’d have a child on my own. Fast forward a year—a very fast year—and I’m sitting with my older brother listening to the dramas of his online dating life and it clicked. I started doing the math in my head: date (I was coming out of a dead-end relationship), meet potential guy, fall in love, start talking about having a kid, have the kid, live happily ever after...I was 41 and the scenario didn’t add up. I made the decision that afternoon, and never looked back."
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MIMI: "100 percent."
TALIA: "Yes, absolutely everyone was supportive. My dad had passed away by the time I started to try to have a kid, but he had written me a letter suggesting I do so a few years before he passed. My mom is ecstatic to have a grandson. They have a great time together. I got lots of love and support from my dad’s family—step-and-half siblings, my stepmom—and all our cousins, too."
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TALIA: "I worked with a reproductive endocrinologist and got pregnant on my second IUI. It was a pretty smooth process. I found buying sperm a surprisingly easy, commercial transaction, which was a bit weird. But it was pretty easy to choose a donor."
Mimi wears an Anthropologie sweater, Good American jeans, and Blundstone boots. Logan wears a Zara jumpsuit and Vans. Talia wears a Boden dress. Rian wears Dr. Martens boots and a MiniBoden X Harry Potter shirt.
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- MIMI: "Choosing the donor was a trip. I would come home, pour a glass of wine, and settle into viewing profiles. I narrowed it down to a few potential donors, and used the audio interviews to make my ultimate decision. Somehow hearing his voice gave me the insight I needed. I was able to get pregnant within six months of trying."
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TALIA: "Mine was an easy pregnancy. I worked up until the day I gave birth, did pilates till the week I was due, managed easily with my third floor walk up apartment and subway lifestyle...though I did need to pee all the time, so that wasn’t so fun."
MIMI: "I loved being pregnant. My biggest issue was fatigue—I became sort of narcoleptic. It was common practice for me to pull over and nap on my commute home. I would wake up a couple hours later feeling great and head on my way."
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TALIA: "I didn’t work much at all for six weeks, and then I worked half days for a while."
MIMI: "I took a couple months off before starting back part time. I was lucky that I could bring Logan to work with me some days."
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TALIA: "No, I don’t really read parenting books."
MIMI: "Ann Lamott’s book Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year, was a fun read. Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell was recommended to me by a high school friend who became a Montessori teacher. I respect and admire her, so I gave it a read. I found it valuable as an aspiring parent and now I'm thinking I might need to revisit it."
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- MIMI: "I pull inspiration from several mom friends in my life."
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MIMI: "I was born and raised on Oahu. My parents had my older brother and I in the ocean before we could walk, and some of my fondest memories took place in the back of my dad’s Chevy El Camino en route to and from the beach. We bodysurfed with McDonald’s trays, played outside year round, went barefoot everywhere, and learned where the best papaya, mango, lychee, and star fruit trees were. My grandparents lived nearby and were a big part of our family, our ohana. Sure, there were rough patches, but all in all I wouldn’t trade it for anything."
TALIA: "I grew up in Johannesburg, South Africa. We lived near my grandmother and cousins. It was a pretty regular upbringing."
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MIMI: "Natural instinct."
TALIA: "Common Sense. Just doing the best I can."
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MIMI: "Yes. I’m raising my daughter to be informed and involved with issues that are important to us and the world at large. One of my fondest memories is attending the SF Women's March together."
TALIA: "No."
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MIMI: "Everything. Her life makes me alive."
TALIA: "When the moments aren’t frustrating, it's all pretty fun."
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TALIA: "I’m not a very nervous person."
MIMI: "How fast time is flying."
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- TALIA: "I don’t think I parent differently than I would with a girl; Rian is going to be a great man and a great human."
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- MIMI: "The bathroom stays cleaner."
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TALIA: "In Jewish tradition, you often use the first letter of the name of someone meaningful who died as the first letter of your child’s name. My dad, Brian, died a few years before Rian was born, but I couldn’t settle on a B name I liked; then it occurred to me to literally drop the B…and so Rian got his name. His middle name is also a contraction of an important name, Aron, for my maternal grandfather Aaron."
MIMI: "Logan is the maiden name of my great grandmother, the first name of my paternal grandfather, and the first name of a paternal uncle. I always knew I’d use it if I had a child. Ray is my middle name, but I changed the spelling for Logan’s to Rae—I'm not sure why, but it made sense at the time."
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MIMI: "Logan turned 6 a couple of weeks ago. She loves to build, create, draw, and invent. Her imagination is off the hook. She adores playing family with her baby doll, Maimee. She’s a nature girl: camping, biking, hiking, swimming, bouldering, repeat."
TALIA: "Rian is also 6. He loves to make things, sketch and build things from scratch, as well as build with toys like LEGOS; he’s enjoying skateboarding and chess, and loves reading and being read to."
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MIMI: "Don’t wait. If you’re thinking about it, do it."
TALIA: "I’d say it's been great for me, and if you have any doubts, talk to people who have done it."
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MIMI: "No."
TALIA: "No."
Mimi wears an Ilana Kahn jumpsuit and Dansko clogs.
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- TALIA: "My business partner and his wife and I purchased this four-story, three-family brownstone in BedStuy, Brooklyn, about 12 years ago. The intention was that I’d live in the duplex and we’d rent the upper two units; but by the time we finished paying for the renovation I was so broke and needed to maximize the rental income, so I moved into the 650-square-foot third-floor apartment with a roommate, and lived in a room that would be called a closet if it were anywhere but New York City. When Rian was about 2 years old, we moved downstairs into the duplex. I wanted a little more space to entertain and a garden for him to run around in. It feels insanely luxurious."
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TALIA: "Colorful, eclectic, welcoming."
Talia wears a Gitas Portal dress.
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- TALIA: "We renovated the whole building. It had been an illegal SRO (single-room-occupancy) and was not in good shape when we bought it. When I moved downstairs, I did a few minor things to make it more personal: wallpaper in the bathroom, new light fixture in the dining room, lots of new paint colors."
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- Happy family: Rian, Talia, Logan, and Mimi.
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- TALIA: "Mostly I just acquire things I love and find ways for them to work together. Sometimes the whole room ends up focusing around one painting. Often the things I love come with stories—about the people who made them, or the places I found them, etc."
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- Rian is an accomplished ukulele player, and has even performed at the famous Knitting Factory.
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- TALIA: "There are a lot of pieces I love: The chicken photos in my dining room are by a friend, Tamara Staples. I went with her to help 'fluff' the chickens for the shoots and she gifted me two prints as a thank you. I have other art works by friends that I also love—it's always special to have things made by people you know. Also, I have a bit of a chair fetish. The chairs in my living room are Wagner Shell Chairs with special-edition Maharam fabric that I bought against my better judgement, because I just loved them. Fortunately, the cats haven’t destroyed those—my couch is a disaster! And then I love things I’ve collected on travels: some from South Africa, where I grew up, like the tapestry and Ndebele dolls in my dining room, others from vacations, like the Vietnamese water dragon in my kitchen."
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- TALIA: "Rian and his friends play in the living room and his room, but that's most of the house. Neither of us are much good at keeping things neat…my dad had a sign in his home that said 'Happy enough to be healthy, messy enough to be happy,' and that's us!"
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TALIA: "I’m an architect. I have a small business with a partner called Braude Pankiewicz Architects. We do residential work of all kinds. It's a great job and I’m lucky to have a fantastic business partner."
MIMI: "I am a horticulturist and run my own business, Fiddle Fern Landscaping."
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TALIA: "I grew up in Johannesburg, South Africa, and came to the U.S. for college. I went to University of Pennsylvania for undergrad and then MIT. After I got my Masters of Architecture degree, I moved to New York and worked here, first for a small boutique design firm, and then a bigger more corporate company. Then I went off on my own."
MIMI: "I was born and raised in Hawaii and I moved to California—Marin County—a week before my freshman year of high school. I was a serious soccer player throughout childhood and high school. It was my everything. After graduating, I was antsy for travel and not ready for college, so I traveled extensively through Central America and Mexico. It wasn’t until my mid 20s, when I was living in Guerneville, CA, that I got serious about school. I went to Santa Rosa Junior College and then transferred to California Polytechnic in San Luis Obispo, where I got a BS in Horticulture. Directly after school, I moved back up to the Bay Area for a job at Filoli Gardens in Woodside. I spent nine years working with the garden staff and developing the groundwork for Fiddle Fern. I’ve been running my own business since 2007. I manage gardens for private residences, grow food, tend apiaries, design and install gardens, and teach horticulture classes. It’s my dream job."
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TALIA: "Having my own business has worked really well with being a mom."
MIMI: "Working for myself has been essential to motherhood."
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TALIA: "Yes! I have been super lucky. My friend Lauren who is also an single mom by choice (SMC) lives upstairs in my building. Our kids are very close, go to the same school, act like siblings, etc., and Lauren and I help each other out a lot: babysitting, sharing school and camp pick up and drop off, having dinner together several times a week, movie nights, and more. I also have a great extended friend group, a number of SMCs I met through an online group, and parents of Rian’s school friends."
MIMI: "We have an extensive support system. My mom moved to San Francisco after I had Logan and she’s my wingman. Logan and her Nana have such love for each other. It makes me happy. My brother lives in the city and takes Logan on numerous adventures, and we have a vast network of dear friends we consider family."
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TALIA: "I think having a business partner is critical, otherwise you can never take a vacation. Find someone you work well with and team up."
MIMI: "Juggle sure is the right word. There are constantly balls in the air, and I try not to be too hard on myself."
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TALIA: "No."
MIMI: "Yes. It ebbs and flows. I know my work makes me a better mom. It makes me feel like a more well-rounded person, and keeps me grounded. That being said, I have days where I feel so stressed and stretched that it seems I don’t do anything well. I lose my patience with Logan, play catch-up with work, and feel all-around depleted. I’m trying more and more to stop comparing myself with others and focus on my accomplishments."
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- TALIA: "Brooklyn is fantastic. There is so much to do, but where we live, it still has a fairly calm, residential feel. We are always exploring—shows, museums, festivals, activities, classes, parks—it's a special city. We are also part of a wonderful community through Rian’s school and our neighborhood. Plus, I love that there are families of every description in NYC. I never have to be concerned that Rian will feel like our family isn’t 'right.'"
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- MIMI: "Exploring San Francisco with Logan has allowed me to fall in love with the city all over again. After living here for 23 years, I am constantly discovering new places I would never have known about without a child in tow. San Francisco provides the perfect blend of nature and urban stimulation."
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TALIA: "I have no plans to do so. Though one day I hope to be able to travel for long periods. But that may be when I retire and Rian is off at college..."
MIMI: "New York. I dream about doing a year-long house swap with someone. Hawaii is always calling to me."
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MIMI: "We are situated 3 blocks from Golden Gate Park and 6 blocks from Ocean Beach, and visit them both regularly. To eat, we like Hook Fish Co., Pizzetta 211, The Pizza Place, and Marufuku for ramen in Japantown. We’re regulars at the de Young Museum and SFMOMA."
TALIA: "We tend to have a lot of places we visit, rather than a few favorites."
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TALIA: "I like colors and patterns and comfortable dresses."
MIMI: "Casual and colorful."
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TALIA: "Not really, I’m probably a little less thoughtful about what I wear and I have less to spend on clothing—probably because of the too expensive chairs as much as because of the kid!"
MIMI: "No, but pockets have new meaning."
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TALIA: "I think Uniqlo leggings are life altering. Currently my favorite place to 'shop' is in the Community Closet at Rian’s school: We get second-hand clothing donations from the community and offer them free to anyone to take. I’ve gotten several great dresses there, and Logan got a pretty dress too, when she was visiting Ri at school."
MIMI: "I am a jumpsuit junkie. I love Ilana Kohn. Her pieces are classic. I can’t get enough of the limited edition vibrant textiles from Nooworks. It’s a woman-owned business and the clothes are made in California. Whether it be a jumpsuit, dress, pants, or shirt, the fit is perfect."
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TALIA: "It's drugstore chic… I don’t pay much attention to products."
MIMI: "I’m low maintenance with my beauty routine. Due to a lifetime of sun and a melanoma scare in my early 40s, sunscreen is essential. I love TIZO 3 Mineral Sunscreen SPF 40. Eyebrows and mascara are the extent of my makeup regime, and I love R + Co hair products."
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TALIA: "I’ve gotten into rock climbing—inside, at the gym—and I love it. It's a great workout—cardio, strength and lots of brain exercise, too—and I can climb alone, with friends, or with Rian. I have aspirations to do regular pilates again, but for now it's very infrequent."
MIMI: "Still under reconstruction. I just spent the day at The Fairmont Sonoma Mission Inn with two of my best friends. We lounged at the spa and did a water yoga class. I could get used to that."
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TALIA: "I have a very flexible schedule since I work for myself, so I’m able to do things like go climbing in the afternoons occasionally. We get a sitter about once a month and go out at night as well."
MIMI: "Having a flexible schedule and family close allows me to carve out little windows of time. It can be any number of things: dinner with friends, seeing live music, reading a book, or getting outside."
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As a 33 year old woman who is starting the process of single mom by choice i’d love MORE of these stories. I am starting IUI last week and just a picked a sperm donor. I cannot find much on the internet sharing this stories. Women are not letting a relationship define when and how they get pregnant. Please and thank you more of this.