PICTURE PERFECT? Navigating TEENS, MEDIA, AND SOCIAL COMPARISON
Written by Children and Screens
Photography by Photographed by Ivan Gener
Every day, young people are bombarded with digitally altered ads of celebrities, and paid influencers with impossibly perfect bodies disguised as “living the dream.” While we’re all guilty of comparison, teenagers are particularly vulnerable to its damaging effects—and eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and dysmorphia can be the unfortunate results. It’s not all doom and gloom, though. During the pandemic, when used mindfully, social media can help your teens stay connected and at times even boost their feelings of self-worth and acceptance.
Children and Screens recently convened a panel of leading experts to share information about why we compare ourselves to others, and how to help your teens to avoid falling prey to forming unhealthy expectations about themselves, their social status, and how they should look, especially while engaging with social media. Read the key takeaways below!
It is important to remind young people that social media reflects a cherry-picked highlight reel of the best parts of peoples’ lives. Instead of viewing social media posts as competition, reframe them as a source of information. When seeing an Instagram picture featuring a friend receiving a scholarship, for example, instead of concluding, “I’m not as good as the friend,” a teen can take it as an opportunity to learn more about the scholarship. In the digital age, learning how to approach texts and images on social media in an adaptive manner is crucial for positive development. –Chia-chen Yang, PhD, Oklahoma State University Assistant Professor of Educational Psychology
It’s important to talk to your kids about how they choose to curate their own feeds. I’m struck by the amount of articles online that say something along the lines of, “Life is about creating yourself; be more interesting, be funnier, achieve more, be better.” At first glance, that sounds really great, but the problem is that the goal is infinite, and the result is that people can feel like they’re constantly failing. –Emily Downe, MA, film director and animator
People should choose accounts to follow as selectively as they choose their close friends. Even though social media doesn’t portray “real life,” it can have real life consequences. Instead of following people who trigger you or ignite unhealthy mindsets, follow people who inspire you and motivate you to be the best version of yourself. –Brittani Lancaster, body positive TikTok star
Adding body-positive accounts to kids’ feeds will provide visual reminders of size- and shape-diversity, which can go a long way. Ultimately, it’s up to parents to talk with their kids about the ways social media makes them feel and to encourage adolescents to think critically about the costs of getting too invested in it as a reflection of their self-worth. –Zoë Bisbing, licensed clinical social worker and founder of The Full Bloom Project
Parents can play a vital role in this process by fostering self-esteem that’s separate from appearance and by modeling their own positive body image. I recommend that parents take a non-dieting approach to eating, encourage physical activity for enjoyment rather than calorie burning, and eliminate any “fat talk” around the house. Talk to your teens about what they like about themselves (and what you like about them that has nothing to do with how they look), and remind them of the importance of balancing social media with “real life.” It may be impossible to get them away from their phones entirely, but you can encourage creativity through photography of things other than themselves and their friends. –Jennifer Mills, PhD, York University Associate Professor of Psychology
When I think about parenting challenges related to social media, I always come back to that quote from the movie Mean Girls: “I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.” It’s the “regular” mom that kids need most, the one who can model healthy behavior and set appropriate limits even when it might not be the popular choice. The desire to look and act like others is only magnified by the constant presence of social media, and rules and boundaries at home are essential for developing teens. –Allison Chase, PhD, Regional Clinical Director for the Eating Recovery Center and Pathlight Mood & Anxiety Center
It’s important for parents to have open communication with their teens, encouraging them to honor their individual existence and not an idealized social media version. Teens are particularly susceptible to peer pressure, and having a parent there to help them navigate the lines between the virtual world and reality can make all the difference. –Roma Khetarpal, Certified Mindfulness Educator and award-winning author
Parents can do more than just talk with their kids. You might even go through your teen’s social media feed together with them, pointing out when depictions of others’ lives or bodies are realistic, and when they are not. Encourage them to reflect on their strengths, and on the things that are important to them outside of social media. Keeping things in perspective can help make those comparisons a little easier to manage. –Brown University Professor Jacqueline Nesi, PhD; UNC Chapel Hill Professors/Co-Directors of the Winston Family Initiative on Technology and Adolescent Brain Development Eva Telzer, PhD, and Mitch Prinstein, PhD
One way to help teens be more mindful about their social media activity is to encourage them to get in touch with any feelings that arise from it. Even seemingly healthy content such as fitness accounts can leave adolescents feeling “less than” their peers. Teens should unfollow or take a break from content that makes them feel bad about themselves and seek out body positive influencers who promote a healthy sense of well-being instead. –Elizabeth Behm-Morawitz, PhD, University of Missouri Associate Professor of Communication
Digital media, and particularly social media, are highly-visual and interactive environments, in which the distinctions between user-created and commercially-created content are increasingly blurred. Limiting the amount that youths engage with appearance and photo-based activities on social media is one of the best ways to minimize any negative effects. –Rachel Rodgers, PhD, Northeastern University Associate Professor of Applied Psychology and Director of the Applied Psychology Program for Appearance and Eating
Part of the equation of helping young people have healthier relationships to social media is media literacy. I believe that in order to teach media literacy well, adults must engage with young people in conversations where young people feel that they can fully express their feelings, ideas, and opinions. Lecturing is ineffective while listening is the opposite. Getting teens to have these critical conversations lay the groundwork for questioning information that they previously accepted and internalized without hesitation. –Amanda Mozea, Education Outreach Manager at MEDIAGIRLS.
For teens and adolescents, it’s particularly easy to get lost in someone else’s fantasy world. When you find yourself saying how beautiful and cool and amazing some of these social media celebrities are, try to stop yourself. You’re basking in their glory when you’ve got so much more to contribute to the world. Probe, explore, and nurture yourself instead. –Richard M. Perloff, PhD, Cleveland State University Professor of Communication, Psychology, and Political Science
While social comparison existed long before the internet, the 24/7, in-your-face nature of digital media has without a doubt exacerbated its effects. With the right attitude and open lines of communication, parents can help their children avoid the myriad dangers of social media and learn to use it as a healthy source of inspiration and education.
Since its inception in 2013, Children and Screens: Institute of Digital Media and Child Development, has become one of the nation’s leading non-profit organizations dedicated to advancing and supporting interdisciplinary scientific research, enhancing human capital in the field, informing and educating the public, and advocating for sound public policy for child health and wellness. For more information, head over to childrenandscreens.com.
Share this story