Mom Talk: Six Moms Fed My Baby

Written by

Serenity Carr

10:00 am
09/20/19

Photographed by Chiara Doveri

While countless moms fight their breastfeeding battles on their own, today’s Mom Talk subject decided to enlist an army—and everybody won. After trying to be “superwoman,” Serenity Carr realized she had to find an alternative way to feed her daughter, who wasn’t gaining weight as quickly as she should. Serenity, who is the founder of Serenity Kids, a line of baby foods made from organic vegetables and ethical meats from small American family farms, shares an uplifting story about the generosity of her fellow motherhood community, and also her willingness to accept their offerings. As she says: We’re all in this together. 

Breastfeeding sounded so simple. Step 1: Pop out the boob. Step 2: Let baby eat.

Wrong. It was way harder than I could have ever imagined.

Our little Della was born two weeks early and was pretty tiny. She came home from the hospital at 5 pounds, 14 ounces. As a first-time mom, my nipples were not large enough for her to easily feed. For the first several days, it took four hands to get the nursing position just right. With one hand, my husband squeezed my nipple to make it stick out more and used his other hand to hold her head, while I held her little body with one hand and squeezed the top of my breast with the other—it was quite the production!

For months we struggled with getting a good latch. Della hated the nipple shield, but it was often the only way she could nurse without me feeling a ton of pain. I felt so much shame because breastfeeding hurt every time and usually ended with the small plastic barrier between me and my newborn.

Channeling my inherent super mom, I went to regular La Leche League meetings, hired two lactation consultants, and had several consultations with a local breastfeeding clinic. We saw some improvements, but nursing was still difficult and painful.

It’s still hard for me to write this next part, even though it happened months ago. But Della didn’t gain much weight in her fifth month of life. I blamed myself and felt so much grief and guilt because my body wasn’t easily supplying all the milk my daughter needed. In an effort to reduce the pain, we made an appointment for a frenectomy surgery to correct her lip tie, which wasn’t fun for anyone, especially dad who was in charge of stretching the surgery site three times each day.

While waiting through the holidays for our appointment date, we didn’t want to start her on formula because I hadn’t found a clean ingredient formula I absolutely loved. The worst ones use corn syrup or soy as the main ingredient—yuck—and I felt even the best formulas weren’t even that great because they include harmful industrial seed oils and synthetic vitamins. But I didn’t want to deprive her of milk, and I was starting to get desperate.

I immediately thought back to how my midwife had connected me with a milk donor just days after I had given birth. I had been exhausted and delirious from postpartum sleep apnea and she recommended calling in a stranger’s milk so that my mom could bottle feed Della at night, while I caught up on some desperately-needed sleep. Without hesitation, I immediately sent my sister to this stranger’s house in East Austin to collect it. She said the whole transaction felt like a back alley drug deal. But those six bags of milk were a godsend. Not just for my hungry baby but for me—I got to take a deep breath and refocus my sanity.

Recalling this generous stranger, I began considering milk donation again. I figured other mamas in my community might have excess milk, so I put out the call on social media to friends, family, and my fellow mommies.

Six moms fed my baby. Well, seven including me, which really brings a whole new meaning to the phrase: it takes a village. Six powerful, generous, and loving moms donated their milk so Della could grow healthy and strong. First was the stranger in East Austin. Second was our Serenity Kids’ affiliate manager with a ten-month-old. Third was our COO’s wife with an 18-month-old. Fourth was a church friend who donated over a hundred bags. Fifth was my cousin who overnight-shipped us two huge boxes from Kentucky. And sixth was a total stranger that heard my cry and generously offered her surplus.

It is such a massive relief to know my baby is getting this liquid gold, even if it isn’t always from me. I am so grateful to all the women who were willing to share their milk with my baby. I know all too well how tedious pumping can be, so their willingness to donate speaks volumes to how supportive moms are of each other.

Little Della is now 8 months old, latches very well, and has sipped down to the last bag of her donated breast milk, which we’ve been using alongside our baby food pouches. I can never express my gratitude enough to all the women who supported us and to the organizations out there like Mothers Milk Bank of Austin, La Leche League, or Human Milk 4 Human Babies and more, who continue to support struggling moms.

We’re all in this. Together.

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Leave a Comment

6 comments

Stephanie

Yes! I can relate to this entire story. My daughter also had a lip/tongue tie that we finally released when she was six months. I was/am so grateful to the mothers in my neighborhood who fed my baby. Another resource I used to interview the women about their medical history before accepting their donation – the Eats on Feets’ list of questions. http://www.eatsonfeetsresources.org/?page_id=97 (recommended by my lactation consultant).

    Veronica

    Stop the whining about the article. You don’t have to LOVE everything… disagree and move on. As an adult you should understand everyone is different and not everything will fit your preference.

    Serenity – great article. As a first time mother it’s good to know about milk donation and to be able to empathize with others’ struggles with breastfeeding. Thank you!

Annie

The anti-formula attitude in this article is really dangerous and damaging. The author describes formula as having “harmful” ingredients, which is fundamentally–scientifically–incorrect.

Breastfeeding is hard, and the pressure to succeed at it is intense. I can’t imagine being a mum struggling to breastfeed, considering formula, and reading an article like this that makes false claims about the inferiority and danger of using formula. Formula saves lives and is a miracle of science.

I exclusively breastfed my baby, but would never look down on a mother who chose to use formula for whatever reason. Shame on this site for publishing something like this.

    Holly

    Thank you Serenity for sharing your breastfeeding journey. I am so grateful that I read this, I struggled and gave up breast feeding my first son, but I’m really hoping in January my second breastfeeding journey will go better but now I know breastmilk donation is an actual option I feel a bit more empowered and definitely have more options!

    I also wrestled with the scary ingredients of formula (which truly can be harmful by any measure of science, but of course lifesaving in ‘failure to thrive’ situations like we had!) and came across Weston A Price for anyone interested…
    https://www.westonaprice.org/health-topics/childrens-health/formula-homemade-baby-formula/

    Serenity

    Thank you for your feedback, Annie. I’m so happy that you’re able to continue to breastfeed your baby, as I wasn’t able to do so with mine. I don’t judge any mother for her choices, especially for using formula. Rather, I wasn’t comfortable with feeding my own baby the formulas I was finding at the time. Eventually I did end up finding a formula that I liked, called Sammy’s Milk (https://www.sammysmilk.com) and gave (and still give) to my own baby. I encourage all mothers to trust their instinct and feed their baby the best that they can.

      Caitlin

      Agree with Annie it could have been written more sensitively. I definitely felt uncomfortable reading “yuck”, some people don’t have options and that comment even made me feel crummy. And sharing the formula you did find would have been nice in the article! I’d never heard of it, it’s really helpful info. All in all thanks for sharing.

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