Mother Stories
Latinx Mothers Sound Off On Parenting, Heritage & More!
Written by Katie Hintz-Zambrano
Photography by Photo courtesy of Denise Silva
Oct 14, 2021
Tomorrow marks the last day of Hispanic Heritage Month (September 15 to October 15). And while we believe celebrating the rich cultural diversity and achievements of Latinx people should happen all year round (here are dozens of kids books to help with that!), it’s also a wonderful time to shine a spotlight on mothers of Latinx heritage right now.
Recently, HBO Max Pa’lante—the Latinx social hub for HBO Max—debuted the second installament of the “Are You Listening?” series, highlighting 5 mothers (including a mother-daughter duo), who discussed a variety of topics, from growing up Latinx to how they are carrying on cultural traditions with their own children.
You can watch the beautiful and poignant video on YouTube, and meet some of the mamas featured—as well as some of their quotes from the cutting-room floor—in our slideshow below!
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On Something People Don’t Tell You About Motherhood:
“People don't tell you that parenting is not just about your children, it's about you. It's about your own inner healing and how capable you are of handling difficult situations. I've learned that a lot of the times the way that I react to my kids when they're doing something they're not supposed to, or anything, has so much to do with the things that I needed to take care of myself from when I was a child.”
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On Passing on Cultural Traditions:
“The way I do my best to pass on culture to my kids is through food. I've been able to make tortillas from scratch with them and they love that, and through language as well."
"I know speaking Spanish isn't the thing that makes someone a Latinx, But to me, I feel Spanish has so much of your culture embedded into it. The way we speak it in Mexico, there's a lot of nahuatl words, so my kids are able to learn about their indigenous ancestry through their language, and they're able to communicate with their elders and help people in their community. So for me, language has probably been one of the most important ways to instill culture in them."
"Growing up with my mom being an immigrant, she was shamed for speaking to us in Spanish. And there was just constant fear of La Migra or anything like that, so I think it was more common to assimilate and to want to assimilate. And so, as I got older, I really held onto the things that were hidden about my culture from the outward community, but that were very much embedded at home."
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"My parents were kind of surprised that I liked learning about our indigenous history or learning about where our food comes from. And I'm like, 'Yeah, we should be proud of that.' And I think that they've really appreciated that, and it's made them feel prideful of the fact that they did what they could despite feeling shamed or being embarrassed as immigrants."
"I want my children to feel that sense of pride and I want them to be grounded in their roots, in who they are, and where they come from. So much of our culture has been hidden because of colonization. It's more than hidden–taken away from us—and so any way that my children can access that, can tap into their culture, Mexican indigenous ancestry, I know it will help them in the future in really being able to live out their virtues to the fullest. I want my children to be grounded in their culture and where they come from.”
Follow Perla @xicana_mama and @perlafariasphoto on Instagram.
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On What Makes A Good Mother:
“I definitely think that surrendering—just the whole act of surrendering—makes a good mother. Putting aside love, dedication, a commitment to raising decent, loving, human beings, and knowing that this is going to be your role til you're no longer in this earthly realm. You're always going to have this role as mother."
"And definitely follow your heart, listen to your own inner knowing. Your inner knowing is going to lead you on that path to be the mother that you should be, and you shouldn't care about any other opinions on how you're a mom.”
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On Balancing Being a Mother and a Woman:
“For any mother that's really struggling with just being a mom, my advice would be to be gentle with yourself. Be tender with yourself. A lot of us weren't raised to value ourselves. And I feel like when you become a mother, you face those shadows. Those shadows come to you really, really quickly. And you begin to see where you're lacking in your own healing journey."
"The first step would be to be gentle with yourself, to love yourself, to create a safe space for yourself. And in that way of you being tender and gentle with yourself, you'll be able to kind of step into that role of being a mom, because you're also mothering yourself. That's what I really feel moms need. While we are mothering our children, we also need to mother ourselves.”
Follow Denise at @pearmama on Instagram.
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On Lessons From Her Mom:
“One of the lessons that my mother has taught me about motherhood, and just life in general, is that time is the great neutralizer. Nothing lasts forever, essentially, and so even when I feel totally imbalanced, mom guilting to the max, like I am either excelling in parenthood and failing in entrepreneurship or vice versa, I always try to remember that and that everything will eventually balance out."
"Another thing is what my grandfather, Papa, passed on to her, and which she's passed on to me as well. It's to never make a decision when you're confused, because people will always try to force you to make a choice, make a decision. 'What kindergarten is she going to go to? We have to make a decision right now!' There's so many decisions that moms have to make, and sometimes it's just about stepping back and taking your time, breathing.”
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On Celebrating Herself Through Motherhood:
“The way I celebrate myself is a few different ways. One of the ways that helps me be a better mom is taking time away from my kid. I do have the luxury—I say luxury because single parenting is really difficult—but I do have the option to leave when I need to."
"And I have a tribe and I have support and I'm very, very lucky. And I know that it's a question that I'm sure so many moms can relate to, whether you're a single mom or not, people asking you, 'Where's your kid at?' when you're out and about, or just taking time for yourself, like, 'Where's your kid?' And I'm like, 'Oh, I don't know. With the other parent that also made her. Or with the auntie that promised to be her tía.'"
"Taking time for myself is crucial because I am a single parent, because I'm with my daughter so much. I have to recharge, and sometimes that recharge looks like me being alone, or it looks like me connecting back with my friends or doing things that moms aren't supposed to do anymore. And getting back to myself because, yes, I am a mom, but I am also Erica. And I think it's important for me, as a parent, to not lose that part of myself.”
Follow Erica at @watcherica and @goodmoms_badchoices on Instagram.
You can follow her mother, BeautyBlender founder Rea Ann Silva, who was also featured in the film, at @reaannsilva on Instagram.
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On Latinidad:
“I think the most significant aspect of Latinidad in my experience that I look forward to and I am passing onto my child is our connection to spirit. My son and I, we pray every night and although he doesn't speak Spanish fluently, I have taught him a few prayers in Spanish. Though I was raised Catholic, my mother was very much rooted in Afro-Indigenous traditions of Dominican Republic. So I learned about God outside the parameters or boundaries of a church. That's something that I am excited to expose my son to. My mother prays for everything. My mother is like that, and I see myself turning into that. I'm really happy to expose my son to this very profound connection to spirit, to God.”
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On Balancing Being a Mother and a Woman:
"Moms, moms, moms. I love ya. I love us. The struggle seems to be pervasive, where guilt is very central in how much we give to our kids and how much we give to ourselves. One thing that I learned from spiritual elders, teachers of sorts, is that you have to give from an overflowing cup. Even if it's a half full cup, it's still half empty, and that breeds a lot of resentment that unfortunately we sometimes take out on our children."
"So it's important that we fill our cup in any way. Taking a bath, taking a walk, having a drink, having a conversation with your girlfriends, spending time with your partner, watching train wreck TV. That's one of the ways I fill my cup, Real Housewives of Atlanta. We have to make sure that we fill our cups up guiltlessly because if not, that's going to be transferred to our kids. Then the therapy is going to be very expensive when they get older."
Follow Griselda at @doctorgri and @brujasofbrooklyn on Instagram.
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