Seeing Motherhood: Jasmine Pulley On Motherhood In 2020

Motherhood

Seeing Motherhood: 5 Moms Candidly Share Their 2020 Highs & Lows

Written by Katie Hintz-Zambrano

Dec 22, 2020

If the work you’ve put in in 2020—as a person, as a mother, and in your career—seems to have gone unnoticed, you are not alone. This feeling of invisibility was the impetus for photographer Jasmine Pulley’s portrait series, “Seeing Motherhood,” in which she asked a handful of fellow mothers in Chicago to get in front of her lens.

“Like most of us, I was given a lot of time to think when quarantine first began in spring,” explains Jasmine, now a mother of three. “All of a sudden, I was with my kids 24/7, and trying to rebuild the photography business I had built 10 years ago. Add to that the endless rotation of meals being made, and being in my third trimester with my third baby—I was juggling a lot. And the feeling that kept coming up for me was that I felt somewhat invisible in all that I was doing.”

“I had a lot of time to process the idea of motherhood being this invisible banner we carry,” she says. “We will never truly understand the depths of what one mother carries from the next, as we rarely have the opportunity to be a fly on the wall in their homes day in and day out, but I began to realize that I drew an immense amount of inspiration from mothers and the invisible work that they do, day in and day out. I found I wanted mothers to be at the front and center of my work going forward.”

Soon after these thoughts started brewing, the touching visual series “Seeing Motherhood” was born. “In drawing attention to the role of mothers in a family story, I felt I was giving myself that same gift of being seen which I hoped for,” says Jasmine. “I felt a certain desire to cast moms who I saw a bit of myself in. That form of visibility felt important to me.”

Below, we asked the five women whom Jasmine photographed to reveal their highs and lows of 2020, and what lessons they’re bringing with them into 2021. Read, and relate!

: The Mother:
Dominique Gaskin, Part-Time Community Center College Mentor, and Mother to August, 2.

: "Losing my mother while trying to define motherhood for myself and be present for my family. Also, trying to work from home while balancing motherhood and maintaining a home."

: "Spending more time with my sweet boy and seeing him develop daily! Every new phrase and dance move are evidence of growth and life in the midst of what feels like a stagnant and dark time."

: "I don’t have to do all of the things perfectly, it’s impossible. I just need to show up each day and take life one moment at a time."

: The Mother:
Lauren Fields, Stylist, and Mother to Liam, 12.

: "The biggest challenge for me as a mother and as a woman this year has been remaining present. Remaining present with not only my kid, but my husband and myself. So much changed with the pandemic, including time and space seemingly. All of our norms changed. I wasn’t going to work, my son wasn’t going to physical school. My husband works from home and I would normally have a quiet house for most of the day. But now we’re all home, all the time. Finding the balance of personal time, family time, couple time, and being present in those moments is the biggest hurdle."

: "The best thing about this year for me was being able to slow down. There were so many things that I wanted to do for myself and my family that I just didn’t have the capacity to do while working full-time. I was able to implement a diet change for myself and my family, which has made a huge impact."

: "A huge lesson I’ve learned this year is understanding that my productivity does not determine my worth. In the first few months of the pandemic, I was cleaning and cooking like a mad woman in hopes to prove myself productive. I went from working 40-50 hours a week to being home all day, every day. Everyone around me kept saying 'enjoy this time,' so I’m still trying to find a balance between being productive and not feeling guilty for sitting on the couch and watching Real Housewives all day."

: The Mother:
Supriya Rock, SAHM to Emery, 6, Ezra, 3, and Marigold, now 2 months.

: "I think my biggest challenge has been finding time for myself. With a newborn and one school-aged child and a 3-year-old, someone always needs me and someone is always waiting for me to help them."

: "The biggest highlight has been the sweet unexpected gift of extra time that my kids have gotten together. My 6-year-old and 3-year-old have become each other's best friend and they have gotten so much time at home to bond with their new baby sister."

: "I am a high extrovert and almost never valued quiet family time at home. I think 2020 taught me how to cultivate sweet rhythms and beauty of home and togetherness. It is something that I want to always have be a part of our lives."

: The Mother:
Jane Lee, Chicago Scholars Staffer, and Mother to Ayven, 5 months.

: "The biggest challenge for me this year were the mental battles in my head. There are days when there are a lot of lies I need to sift through, feel out, and then combat with truth. With the pandemic hitting months before our daughter was born, civic unrest, and a lot of heartache, I doubted a lot on whether or not it was a good time to bring someone into what felt like a dark, dark world. The transition into motherhood was also one that I feared a lot. I didn't really know what my relationship with my husband would look like, what my friendships would turn into, and how I would be able to manage all of this amidst the dual pandemic."

: "There are three main highlights and moments of pure joy. My first highlight is spending so much quality time with my husband at home and in nature, while preparing for Ayven to arrive in July. We spent many evenings talking through our dreams as a growing family, enjoyed cooking many meals together as I wobbled around, and went on endless walks by the beach and a forest preserve right by our little apartment. My second highlight was the day Ayven was born at 8:39 a.m. on a hot, bright, and sunny day. I'll never forget this moment. Finally, my third highlight is how much time I've been getting to spend with my little one during her first year. With both my husband and I working from home, and both grandmothers helping us throughout the work day, I just know I'll never get time like this to see our brightest spot grow in front of my very eyes."

: "There are two big lessons. The first is to be my authentic self. For a long time I believed that as I got older, I would reach a certain point where I didn't face the same insecurities or struggle with the same battles. However, what I'm taking away from this year is that the core of my heart will truly stay the same, but I'll become stronger, and learn much to embrace and challenge my authentic self. The second lesson is from a dear friend of ours—with 8 grandchildren of their own—who came to visit Ayven and two very tired new parents. They left us with a note saying, 'enjoy the every day.' And I hope I really do; time is a gift, and there is truly never too much of it."

: The Mother:
Keren Chookaszian, Wedding and Lifestyle Photographer, and Mother to Mateo, 9, Marco, 7, and Lucas, 4.

: "My biggest challenge as a woman and a mother this year has been finding time for myself. This year we shifted to e-learning at home and I also homeschool our preschooler. In a normal year, I would have a few hours to myself. Just enough time to recharge, get the creative juices flowing, and work on my business. This year has obviously been quite different. My days completely revolve around the boys and making sure they are learning, being fed, getting exercise, and that they each feel seen as individuals."

: "Despite the craziness of this year, we have had some very special moments together. I have had the privilege of seeing how my boys learn and I’ve seen how they interact with their classmates and teachers. I’ve had moments when I’m in tears watching how they show up. I see my kids doing P.E. on Zoom without complaining, they wear a mask when asked to, and they have shown me what it really means to be resilient. We’ve had more time to talk, laugh, and play and I will be forever grateful for the unexpected moments this year brought us. I can honestly say it will be bittersweet to send them back to school next year."