Parenting In A Pandemic

Mother Stories

8 Moms Reflect On 2 Years Of Parenting In A Pandemic

Written by Katie Hintz-Zambrano

Photography by Photographed by Jillian Guyette

Mar 18, 2022

This week marks two full years since the U.S. first went into lockdown due to COVID-19, upending the lives of families all over the country and sending waves of devastation across the globe. Parents, especially, had (and still have) an incredibly heavy load to carry, as schools and daycares abruptly shut down and the work/life juggle became an often impossible balancing act.

To get perspective on what parenting in a pandemic has meant for mothers across the U.S., we asked eight inspiring women to open up to us about their experiences. From educators and doctors to entrepreneurs and even two who decided to move abroad—these resilient moms (of newborns to teens!) are sharing their pandemic highs and lows, as well as their personal breakthroughs and advice to fellow mamas going through it.

: On the biggest challenges of the past 2 years:

"It depends on the day. There’s just so much about this time that has rewired everything for me, and what I thought this time would look like for our family. I think overall the toughest part has been the lack of stability with childcare, while I juggle an incredibly unpredictable freelance schedule. As a commercial and editorial photographer, assignments come up last minute, and larger projects often involve travel."

"The anxiety that has come with having an unvaccinated baby, now toddler, has also been a constant source of stress and emotional depletion for me."

"Before the pandemic, I think I just assumed that a group of mothers with babies would magically appear in my peripheral after I gave birth. I’m now starting to realize that my physical isolation from friends and other moms feels impactful in a way that I haven’t fully processed."

"The relentless labor, and emotional weight of motherhood during a pandemic is so unbelievably real."

: On the silver linings:

"There has been so much beauty and joy during this time, despite the abundance of chaos and uncertainty. Those undisrupted early days at home with a newborn were incredibly special and cathartic for me. I felt that it bonded us in this cocoon that no other situation could."

"It also allowed my husband to spend such an incredible amount of time with our daughter that he would not have gotten to otherwise. He was on the road around 150 days for photoshoots in 2019, the year that I was pregnant. The beginning of the pandemic pretty much shut the photo industry down, and with that he experienced so much more time with her than we anticipated he would be able to."

"I think all of the babies that have come into this world over the past two years have been such an incredible balm for us all."

: On the breakthroughs:

"Giving birth and being a first-time mom at the very beginning of the pandemic was utterly surreal. The level of uncertainty, and the need to take things day by day really forced me to release many of my expectations about what our lives would look like."

"My viewpoint as an artist has also massively shifted since I stepped into motherhood. I began a personal project titled Breathing Room, which explores the liminal space between the pieces of myself that I lost as I became a mother, and also gained as I became one. The pictures from this series have been helping me to feel grounded and connect with this new version of myself, who teeters between feeling foreign, and familiar."

Follow along with Jillian and her family @jillianguyette on Instagram and at jillianguyette.com.

: On the biggest challenges of the past 2 years:

"Trying to shield my unvaccinated, unable-to-mask child from adults who are convinced they can't spread COVID, while also trying to prevent myself from bringing COVID home to my child as a healthcare worker."

: On the silver linings:

"Vaccines. Period."

: On the breakthroughs:

"I actually became a mother during the pandemic and chose motherhood during this time because I realized how short life is. Becoming a mother has been a breakthrough for both my life and career because it has helped me build more empathy as a woman, mother, and physician, which I will definitely take into the post-pandemic life that is to come."

Advice to pass along:

"Create rules and boundaries for how you will live in a pandemic. It makes your 'yes's more exciting and your 'no's less difficult to say."

Follow along with Joy at @thedrjoy on Instagram.

: On the biggest challenges of the past 2 years:

"Every aspect of parenting is hard in itself and with the pandemic it has amplified this. Not only has the journey been so lonely, we are also nurturing the hearts of our little ones who also have the same feelings, maybe more so than us."

"I think for me the hardest part was having to be that parent who was extra careful, extra protective, and extra worrisome of my child who is autoimmune during the pandemic. I felt isolated since the beginning but now I feel it even more so as we go into the endemic phase."

: On the silver linings:

"Being able to spend these moments together as a family at home more often, getting to truly understand and know each other through our ups and downs, challenges."

: On the breakthroughs:

"The last 2 years have been a heavy life lesson, we are all feeling overwhelmed/anxious with the feelings of uncertainty around the pandemic and global issues. At one point in all of this, you just suddenly realize the beauty in all the chaos. There were many days where I would sit in solitude and ground myself in gratitude. Humbled by how much we have accomplished during such challenging times, but also to even be here with my family (healthy and safe) gave me such inner strength. I plan to practice this daily because it has given me such a different perspective on what life had to offer during such unprecedented times."

Advice to pass along:

"I wish for others to be more patient and empathetic, we tend to get lost in the mix of life and the uncertainty around what is happening globally. The pandemic has taught me an enormous amount of empathy. Empathy towards others who are not as privileged as I am, those who need it the most, and really trying to live knowing I can make somewhat of a difference in another person's life. It takes so much patience to put yourself in another's position. Learning to be kind, gentle, and compassionate, especially now."

Follow along with Caroline at @shopmercimilo on Instagram

On the biggest challenges of the past 2 years:

"If finding balance was hard before the pandemic, it now feels impossible. Even as schools reopened, I seemed to have lost my muscle memory with the flow of the day, and how to juggle between the kids, work, and myself in a way that doesn't leave me feeling completely depleted. We also welcomed another baby to our family last year, so that probably has a lot to do with it, too!"

On the silver linings:

"Working from home has really been a blessing in many ways, and has helped me use the daytime hours to squeeze in housework in between meetings, which I couldn't do pre-COVID. Saving the commute hours also feels like time has been gifted to help with the never ending to-do list. But still, even with the easier logistics of being a working parent, the mental load feels so much heavier than I remember."

On the breakthroughs:

"To just surrender. The feeling of throwing your hands up and knowing you're not *really* in control of anything. It's been pretty freeing. I now have an attitude of 'I'm just trying my best' much more than I did before, and I kind of think that's what keeps me from spiraling. P.S. I'm writing this while COVID-positive, so..."

Advice to pass along:

"I'm sure none of us feel like we've figured this out, even two years in, but I know for me I would very likely be in a different headspace at this point if it wasn't for memes. Honestly. Finding humor in such heavy times was necessary, but even moreso, identifying with a meme really made me feel less alone. That there's a community of moms that can all relate to the struggle in some way that ties us all together in a laugh. I wouldn't qualify that as 'wisdom,' but it is the truth!"

Follow along with Eli at @tokimats and @eliyonas on Instagram.

On the biggest challenges of the past 2 years:

"Trying to homeschool my twins but then realizing that I didn't agree with any curriculums, so we went the unschooling route—that was hard! Trying to run a business and teach 4th grade to two extremely opinionated and very confused-by-the-pandemic 10-year-olds definitely got me. But I did learn how to trust myself more about how I'm raising them and what my children actually need as two kids of immigrant parents living in Iowa. Getting to this point wasn't easy and there was a lot of fear that I was failing my kids and there were so many tears by all of us! Also, my step daughter Isabella doing virtual learning for her junior year in her bedroom was so hard on her and both my partner and I also had no idea how to help her. Raising a teenager during the pandemic is not for the faint of heart."

"At the same time that we were all trying to just live day-by-day at home—doing all the things, baking bread, gardening, having so many movie nights—George Floyd was murdered. While most of our town stood up and took the streets, we couldn't! Neighbors, community members, and young activists were getting arrested left and right and with my immigration status or, better to say, my non-existent immigration status, we couldn't risk marching and for me to get arrested."

"Not being able to go in the streets to stand up with our Black and brown brothers and sisters after we had been teaching our kids since they were 2-years-old that that's what we do took a big piece of my heart. It made me so frustrated and like the worst mother on earth for not having a stupid paper that would allow to take them in the streets!"

"Even though my kids have been very aware of my immigration status since they are 5, they were also scared and frustrated. Us sitting at home made everything harder. We did at the end figure out that every movement needs money to run, that our community members, activists, and neighborhoods need to eat, and that a lot of people need to get bailed out. So we started raising money. Azul made earrings, Luca made paintings, I sold stuff from my closet, we sold food, we sold shaved ice, and our community showed up and we were able to help the revolution, like my Luca would say!"

On the silver linings:

"All the time we got to spend together as a family. Very cliché, I know! My biggest silver lining is my mom (Grandma) deciding to quit her job after she realized that she didn't want to miss so much of her grandkids' lives and, really, keep missing her own life. We lost my husband's mother last year and so having my mom around has been very important for us."

On the breakthroughs:

"As my business grew this past year, I also realized that my happiness is more important. So, if I learned anything, it was that working less and being more creative is where it's at. If I'm in a good place in life, I know my children are as well! The pandemic gave our family a new sense of the new normal. We don't want to go back to what it was before, we are looking forward even if it feels like our world is broken right now, we are just trying our best to live one day at a time and always using joy as an act of resistance."

Advice to pass along:

"I'm the first person to always say don't take advice from others, because I feel like it was the best advice my mother gave me when the twins were born! But something that has work for us is that we are very open with our children and we are always asking questions and opening difficult topics and discussing them as a family. It has been amazing to see their point of view and even the way they see our parenting."

"And don't even get me started with the government. In the last few years I have been completely disillusioned by our government. From the treatment of our Black and brown community, my own Latinx community! I have been in this country for 19 years without any hope of a path to citizenship. The pandemic taught me that my neighbors and my community would show up! Mutual aid is what I believe in now."

Follow along with Laura at @lauradrodriguez @undocumentedmomhood and @lauracleanshouses on Instagram.

On the biggest challenges of the past 2 years:

"Exactly two years ago, at the start of the pandemic, I became a single mom. I was still living in Los Angeles with my daughter, but I realized I needed to be closer to family for support, so I decided to move back to Netherlands after living 6 years in California. We flew back right in time, one day before the borders closed. We moved into a place in my hometown called Zaandijk and for the past two years we've been living in a safe and sweet bubble close to family and best friends."

"Transitioning into solo parent life throughout the pandemic must have been the hardest thing I experienced—the responsibility and anxiety has been overwhelming at times, finding my way back in the country I once lived. But it also made me so strong and determined to make sure my daughter lives a happy life with a happy mom, while the world was dealing with COVID."

On the silver linings:

"Being able to give my daughter my undivided attention for the last couple years has been such a gift. I now realize it was all supposed to happen this way—because of our journey I was able to nurse her until 3-years-old, co-sleep, share milestones together. A lot of time at home gave me time and space to heal, more self-love, and manifest what I truly desire in life."

On the breakthroughs:

"Because I’m a solo parent, I needed to find creative ways to work from home, so next to being a recording artist, I started a few businesses. One of them being a vintage shop, Phii. When I left from California, I returned to Netherlands with a suitcase of kids vintage that I collected in LA. I started selling vintage denim from California to moms here in Netherlands. Now two years later, I’m so proud how much Phii has grown. Another business I started is a digital marketing agency. One of my clients is Storq, which keeps me connected to my other home, California."

"I was still able to send Delphi to daycare (which is almost free here in Netherlands and one of the reasons I moved back!) consistently throughout the pandemic. In that way, I was able to focus on my career."

"And now that I’m not single anymore, I really want to make sure I will always keep that drive, passion, and determinacy that I discovered in the last years. It brought magic to dark times. At this moment, almost all COVID restrictions have been lifted in Netherlands. We’ll be moving in with my boyfriend in Amsterdam and Delphi will start school soon. I'm really excited for these changes and happy times in spring."

Advice to pass along:

"It can be hard to give advice about parenting in a pandemic because it’s hard to know where people stand, but in the end we’re all parents and we want to keep our kids happy and safe. Everyone does that in their own way. I can only speak for myself that we were grateful (for a safe place to live), never fearful, and respectful to our surroundings. And now that we’re entering another year, we’re making sure to have a bit more fun again and enjoy life."

Follow along with Angela at @angelamoyra and @phii.co on Instagram.

On the biggest challenges of the past 2 years:

"Being anything and everything to everyone is hard. I pride myself on being a support to my community and being a present mom. This pandemic showed me that I really can’t always be both. I had to lean on the women in my life—my mother and mother-in-law—for support. I had to ask them to take my older son to school, count on them to go to the park with my sons after school, and do reading and writing practice with them daily. They helped cook, they helped clean, and they took care of my sons everyday. I asked this of them, so I could do something that was near to my heart, support Black and brown families of the Bay Area to have everything they need and deserve."

"During the pandemic, so many of the families in the Bay Area community were confused on who to even go to for support and resources. My goal was to provide answers for the Black and brown community and offer them hope in a very trying time. From writing grants to PG&E, to contacting the city for housing support, to going grocery shopping for families who had to quarantine, to even filing paperwork for eviction extensions, I made it a personal mission to help my community and put resources into the hands of our families and friends. My goal was to ensure everyone had a safe space, nourishment, and someone to confide in. Everyday I went home with a heavy heart as I dealt with the ongoing turmoil our brown families had to endure during this pandemic. My one saving grace was knowing I had my mom and mother-in-law there for help, because the hardest part of this pandemic was missing my sons while working."

On the silver linings:

"I love what I do. I love being an educator that my kids and the kids I teach can look up to. Growing up, I never had a Black teacher, let alone a Black principal! I want to show youth that we can succeed in all things, especially educational spaces. For me, knowing I have support from my mother and mother-in-law in helping me raise two Black boys in San Francisco and knowing that my family is proud of the work I do, gets me through the trying times."

On the breakthroughs:

"I gained confidence in myself to know that I am good enough. Prior to the pandemic, I was really hard on myself and fought myself internally for things that I could achieve. I had an inner voice telling me 'I am not good enough.' Now, at 38-years-old, I am finally saying to myself I AM ENOUGH. It really took a whole ass pandemic to make me realize how short life is and if you’re not satisfied with the work you are doing, quit and try something new."

Advice to pass along:

"Find a tribe of moms who get you. Work with them on anything and everything that interests you and make sure you feel comfortable with yourself. Being a mom is hard, but being a full-time working mom in a pandemic is insane. Remember that there are women out there who have your back and will support you through anything. Lean on your friends and family and remember you cannot do everything!"

Follow along with Jasmine at @jazzymcdancy on Instagram.

On the biggest challenges of the past 2 years:

"Leave it to being pregnant during a pandemic to find out how truly extroverted you are! My husband and I found out I was pregnant in March of 2021–year 2 of the pandemic. And because there wasn’t enough research on pregnant women getting vaccinated at the time, I decided to hold off on COVID vaccinations until my second trimester. What this meant was a major lifestyle change and lots of isolation during a time when I really could’ve used the company."

"This was my first pregnancy, and everything felt very new and exciting, but also disorienting at times. Soumya was born this past November. I’m Indian and my husband is Black and both of our cultures are very community-oriented. Big families, lots of celebrations. There are formalized rituals as part of Indian culture, particularly, to welcome new life and celebrate specific milestones as a baby grows. We’ve had to pare down some of these traditional celebrations already, and just had to be very selective about who we’re around. And at times I feel like my daughter and my family and friends are missing out on some very special moments to bond that we won’t get back."

"Also just learning how to be a parent for the first time without lots of in-person support! I just moved back to L.A. after 15 years (I was most recently in the Bay Area for 7 years). I have amazing support from my parents and my brother and husband, but most of my girlfriends with children are still up in Oakland and San Francisco or in other parts of the world entirely. So much of my support system has had to be—like everything else—remote. And while I’m incredibly thankful for how my friends and chosen family have shown up, FaceTime and virtual cuddles and cheek nibbles are just not the same as being in the same room as someone, feeling their energy, having your child sense a person’s joy and love for them."

On the silver linings:

"Seeing how truly loved we are by a community that truly spans the globe. Our baby shower was virtual, which meant that friends and family from all over the world could join in and shower our baby girl with love. It’s also meant that friends in places like Germany and France and India have had a chance to virtually meet Soumya when perhaps pre-pandemic we might not have prioritized this or made the time to do so because we would’ve thought—well, we’ll get to travel and see you in person some time. Ironically, I’ve become so much closer to so many of my mama friends because we more actively make the time to make connections remotely, given the uncertainty of COVID restrictions and travel."

"Also, having to parent Soumya with a smaller in-person support group who isn’t always around has actually helped me build more confidence in being a mama. I’m still on maternity leave from my full-time role (though I teach as part-time faculty at Parsons School of Design), so I’m often alone with baby girl. While I know that the juggle isn’t as complex as it will be as Soumya gets older, it’s made me realize that I can actually handle more than I initially thought possible. And I’m building an instinct for the kind of mother I hope to evolve into for my daughter."

On the breakthroughs:

"I was pregnant for most of 2021, and Soumya was born in November, so I haven’t been a mama for too long. Having a child has completely shifted how I think about my career and my life and work. I work in Future Studies and Speculative Design or what is also referred to as Foresight. The field focuses on helping governments, organizations, and individuals think about and design for our preferred futures. And while it might sound cliché, having Soumya has made that work feel more urgent and more important. Something that isn’t simply a thought exercise."

"I’ve also come to the realization that sometimes giving up control is the healthiest way to move forward. Soumya grows and changes every day, and every day I feel like I’m having to reacquaint myself with my beautiful baby girl. I like to say—I have goals, but I don’t make plans, and Soumya has very much tested this mindset of mine in the best of ways. We have some semblance of a routine, but she’s also a tiny human who’s learning how to be a person. That has to be a wild experience!"

"Our goals are to be happy, to be healthy, to get lots of time to play and laugh, to get to bath time at 6pm with some sense of our sanities intact. Most days we manage, but some days just aren’t on our side. Some days just feel like life is what I’m rushing to squeeze in during Soumya’s naps. And I’m learning more and more that that’s absolutely ok. I really struggled with breastfeeding and at 3 months Soumya decided she was done with the boobs and we transitioned fully onto baby formula. I felt so guilty, as though I’d let my daughter down. Like my body wasn’t doing what it was designed to do. But, I’m learning to be more gentle with myself, to work to emulate a model of motherhood that isn’t steeped in martyrdom, as I’ve often witnessed in my Indian culture."

Advice to pass along:

"Embrace, build, or find community. I would be a shell of myself if it weren’t for close friends and family who have really helped to put things into perspective, given me a moment to exhale, or just provided a much-needed laugh here and there. These don’t have to always be lengthy exchanges either. My friends and I will exchange voice notes, WhatsApp messages, videos of our little ones, silly internet memes. Small gestures that keep us tethered to one another in thoughtful ways."

"Find pockets of time for yourself. Again, these don’t have to be major escapes, just a moment to find yourself again. I realize that everyone’s family dynamic looks very different, and I can only speak from my personal experience. But I’m giving myself permission to create new rituals for myself. That means that my husband takes care of Soumya after her bathtime every evening and I have uninterrupted time to get a workout in. Or on Saturday mornings I take a bath while my husband spends time with baby girl for the morning before we do something together as a family. Or Soumya and I will take a walk to the coffee shop down the street, and mama gets some caffeine while baby girl gets some fresh air and sunshine. Or I’ll forego doing the laundry during naptime one afternoon and instead opt to get some yoga in while Soumya sleeps soundly via the baby monitor. I used to feel guilty for not crossing everything off my to-do list every day. But I’m realizing that we’re literally raising tiny happy humans, during a pandemic, when the world sometimes feels like it’s on fire. The fact that my child wakes up with a huge smile on her face every morning is a good enough accomplishment for me most days."

"A few weeks ago I read that Canada has now made it legal for physicians to prescribe time outdoors in national parks as treatment for patients. I don’t think we speak enough about mental health in general, let alone mental health for mothers. Often times the social infrastructure isn’t easily accessible (i.e. health insurance, access to therapists, access to child care). It’s so hard to navigate the systems that are currently in place. I had a consultant provided to me by my company to help me navigate parental leave and I still found it challenging. I’m not optimistic, but I’m hoping that this pandemic really sheds light on the mental health epidemic that many parents grapple with daily, and the fact that we need better networks of support from a public policy standpoint to address these issues."

"And finally, my sweet friend Kalkidan always reminds me, 'It’s not what the universe is doing to you, it’s what the universe is doing for you.' In times like these it sometimes helps to reframe and readjust our expectations of how things are supposed to go. We’ve got to be gentle with ourselves."

Follow along with Radha at @radha_mistry on Instagram.