Motherhood
3 Inspiring Mothers On Life & Play At Home
Written by Katie Hintz-Zambrano
Photography by Photographed by Elexis Bronson
Oct 13, 2020
As one of our profile subjects recently remarked, in 2020 our homes are now “the office, school, restaurant, coffee shop, playground, and everything else you can think of.” And with sheltering in place showing no signs of stopping (especially with cooler weather on the horizon), it only makes sense to make your space as cozy and comfy as possible.
One mama who has been helping others do exactly this is Eli Yonas, a mother of three (Noam, 6, Shaya, 4, and Boaz, 4 months) and the founder of Toki Mats, a line of beautiful cushioned play mats and nursing pillow covers that blend seamlessly into one’s space. Founded in 2017, the San Francisco-based company consistently sells out of its plush, easy-to-clean, non-toxic designs, thanks to its seasonal patterns, which include modern graphics of rainbows, moons, foliage, and more.
To see how the latest collection of Toki Mats fits into the lives of mothers coast-to-coast, we recently caught up with Nebraska-based Ka’ala Byndon, Utah-based Elexis Bronson, and California-based Juvilynn Arbuthnot to talk about parenting and play during lockdown, finding time for themselves while juggling their broods (they have 10 children amongst them!), their 2020 takeaways, and more. Enjoy!
This article is brought to you by Mother x Toki Mats.
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What's your city's current situation regarding COVID and sheltering in place?
"We have a mask mandate, but cases are going up a lot. We are still staying at home as much as possible and we only see a few families."
Mega Mat in Grey Stripe, $275, Toki Mats.
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You are currently juggling four kids at home, in a variety of ages. What does a typical weekday look like, with virtual learning and taking care of a baby?
"We don’t have a set routine. I’m pretty open and flexible. Our boys' school has done a really amazing job of working with students virtually. I really just try to remember that this time is stressful for everyone, so just to take everything day by day."
Mega Mat in Grey Stripe, $275, Toki Mats.
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Did you always know you wanted to have a lot of children?
"I did not. I actually never wanted kids before I met my husband. He is the oldest of 5, so he’s used to big families. I have two older half siblings that were much older than me, so I was kind of like an only child. I wanted 2, we settled at 4."
Mega Mat in Grey Stripe, $275, Toki Mats.
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How has it been going from one child to two, two to three, and three to four?
"My hardest was going from 0-1, just because it’s not something I imagined for myself. We didn’t do anything special, we did wait a little bit of time between our second and third. I would say for anyone wanting to add more children or anyone already pregnant, just don’t compare your situation to someone else. Your kids are yours and no two situations are going to be the same. Just give everyone some time to adjust and you’ll make it through."
Mega Mat in Grey Stripe, $275, Toki Mats.
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How do you carve out "me time" for yourself and what does it usually consist of?
"What’s me time? Lol. But really right now just going to the store by myself is nice. I like to stay up and have a snack after everyone is asleep. I know that while I don’t get much time to myself, eventually the kids are going to be big and I’ll have all the time in the world."
Mega Mat in Grey Stripe, $275, Toki Mats.
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What does play time look like at your house?
"It’s a lot of playing outside, playing with Legos, coloring, reading. My big kids are very helpful with the baby, so they will sit on their Toki Mat and play with her. We are really loving her Lovevery box right now. Every single person sits and plays with it."
Rainbow Stamp Standard-Sized Play Mat in Rust, $165, Toki Mats.
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Do you have a parenting or play philosophy when it comes to raising your kids?
"I wouldn’t say I have one way of parenting that I like to go by. Each of my children are different and need different things from me. My husband grew up on a farm, so he’s very into allowing the kids to learn and grow doing all things, helping with chores big and little, and making mistakes to learn from them."
Rainbow Stamp Standard-Sized Play Mat in Rust, $165, Toki Mats.
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How has the concept of "home" changed for you in quarantine?
"Surprisingly for us, not much has changed. We’ve always been pretty tight knit and love to just hang out together. The biggest adjustment for everyone has been school, but they took to virtual and love it now."
Rainbow Stamp Standard-Sized Play Mat in Rust, $165, Toki Mats.
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What are some things you would personally like to take away from the experience of 2020 once it's all said and done?
"That family time is it. It’s so important. And material things are nice, but at the end of the day the love of those most important to you will get you through any hard time. To never take for granted the little moments, because time is not a guarantee. Just make sure that those close to you know how much you care."
Rainbow Stamp Standard-Sized Play Mat in Rust, $165, Toki Mats.
Be sure to follow Elexis and her beautiful family on Instagram at @elexisbronson.
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Tell us about your current at-home situation.
"We live in a suburb of Omaha, Nebraska, where my husband, Andile, is from. And, honestly, I can't keep up with how often the regulations change in regards to COVID, but we just always wear a mask. No matter what."
"We are still cautious about going out, but not living that hermit life either. We do restaurants that practice social distancing, we go to parks when they are empty, and we recently started going back to church (which also practices social distancing and where masks are mandatory). Otherwise, it's grocery drive-up, drive-through coffee, and curbside takeout when we need something!"
Rainbow Stamp Mega Play Mat in Rust, $275, Toki Mats.
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You write such beautiful prose and advice that you share via Instagram. Tell us about your process.
"Thank you! I started sharing my writing in the fall of 2017, just after my miscarriage. It was my way of processing my feelings and moving through my grief. I was encouraged by the amount of other women who were touched by what I had to say. I went on to publish my poetry and as I further ventured into the avenue of writing and creating, my style and delivery evolved. Most of my current writing is less poetry, more prose, and to simply put it, words of encouragement. The inspiration behind so much of what I write is my father. He suffered a massive stroke in 2018 and has been on a long, slow healing journey ever since. I write for him. I write for my mother. I write for my sisters. I write for me. And then I write for you."
"As for the writing practice, oh goodness—as with most things in motherhood, it's basically 'I get what I can get when I get it.' But in all seriousness, I'll get random ideas throughout the day and I'll write them down. Then at night when the babies are fast asleep and the hubby is catching Z's, I explore the idea further and take my time playing with words. I also have to add—and I'm proud of myself for this—I just hired a (friend) sitter for the girls twice a week so that I can delve into finishing my next literary projects. And I'm so excited!"
Rainbow Stamp Mega Play Mat in Rust, $275, Toki Mats.
Peach Grid Nursing Pillow Cover, $45, Toki Mats.
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You've recently discussed your experience with so-called mom guilt. How long has this been an issue for you and how do you combat it when it arises?
"Eek! I get mom guilt over everything. Over not spending enough time with Mahina solo, over not being able to give her my attention when nursing her sister around the clock, for not having a home-cooked meal on the table 7 days a week, for not being able to exclusively breastfeed my first born, for giving her too many fruit snacks, for saying 'no' when she asks for more of said fruit snacks, for letting her watch TV more than she should, for not getting her off the paci when I wanted, for not getting her off the bottle when I wanted, for not potty training her by two, for not having all the cool things for her that the big influencers have...the list goes on and on. I also remember feeling guilty for getting pregnant again. Even though we planned it, I immediately felt like I was letting our bond go by inviting another into our space so soon. (I was obviously wrong. Love you, Yaya!) I combat it pretty quickly, though. I'm such a huge advocate for giving yourself grace. And I try to always go to bed without holding grudges against myself—or anyone else for that matter."
Rainbow Stamp Mega Play Mat in Rust, $275, Toki Mats.
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Did you always know you wanted to have kids close in age?
"Yes! We definitely wanted kids close in age. We want a whole grip of kids, so I pretty much have to pop 'em out back-to-back. We both come from big families. My dad is one of eight kids and my father-in-law is one of fourteen. So, we are excited to make a big family. Just not that big!"
Rainbow Stamp Mega Play Mat in Rust, $275, Toki Mats.
Peach Grid Nursing Pillow Cover, $45, Toki Mats.
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How has it been going from one child to two?
"Lots of highs and lows, but long story short—it's so worth it! They are finally getting to the point where they play together and it is seriously a dream come true. I envisioned this for years. My mama heart just leaps and weeps happy tears when I watch the two of them enjoying each other's company. I think the biggest struggle was Mahina adjusting to 'sharing' us. There was (and sometimes still is) a jealousy factor in the mix. And that can create some super moody two-nager-type emo moments in the home. But she's learning and processing and we create space for that here. My advice? Do it. Give your little one the gift of their first and forever friend. I can't wait to watch mine grow together."
Rainbow Stamp Mega Play Mat in Rust, $275, Toki Mats.
Peach Grid Nursing Pillow Cover, $45, Toki Mats.
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Tell us about the Toki Mats you have in your home.
"We use all three of our Toki Mats daily! They move around the apartment, but currently the Rust Rainbow Stamp mega mat is in the living room, being used as a landing pad for our Wiwiurka pikler triangle and slide. Mahina loves to climb, so having a large padded mat was super important to calm my mom fears. The Cream Rainbow Stamp mega mat is in Mahina's room. This one we roll up when not being used, but it's out often to use for playing with baby sister as well as a 'just in case of falls' mat for when she's jumping on her bed or sleeping (we don't use a rail). Lastly, our Peach Grid mat is used for under Yaya's play gym, diaper changes, and taking naps in mama's room."
Rainbow Stamp Mega Play Mat in Cream, $275, Toki Mats.
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What does play time look like at your home?
"Playtime is open-ended at our home. I like to give the girls toys that foster creativity and encourage imagination. We use a lot of Montessori-style toys that I find on Amazon or from various small shops. I love all our BannorToys puzzles, stackers, and blocks. We also love rainbow stackers and cars (or other vehicles) that Mahina can play with on her Wiwiurka slide."
Rainbow Stamp Mega Play Mat in Cream, $275, Toki Mats.
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How would you describe your parenting philosophy?
"My parenting philosophy is simple: We can do this. But grace upon grace for the messy days. Personally, I had an incredible childhood. My parents filled our home with so much love. I never questioned it. We didn't always have the newest or coolest things, but we always had love. I just want to pass that on to my own kids. And their kids. And their kids."
Grid Standard-Sized Mat in Peach, $135, Toki Mats.
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How has the concept of home and family changed for you in quarantine?
"I had Yaya right when things started getting serious around COVID. So, honestly it didn't affect the home life much since I had planned to keep her home for awhile after birth anyway. However, something amazing that happened is that my husband—who works 80 hours a week away from home—was able to work from home with both of his jobs. It was the perfect timing. I had him home for only two days after Mahina was born. With Yaya, he was home for over two months! I couldn't have been more grateful for that time."
Peach Grid Nursing Pillow Cover, $45, Toki Mats.
Be sure to follow Ka'ala and her beautiful family on Instagram at @alohakaala. You can also scoop up her daily journals here.
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The last time we caught up with you was very early in the pandemic. How have things changed for you since then?
"Things have become tremendously more relaxed and routine in our home since March, but it took a lot of time and tinkering to get to this point. So much had been thrown into chaos for those first months of the pandemic shutdown; I often felt paralyzed, and the general climate of uncertainty made it difficult to plan farther than the current day ahead. Still, to this day, we remain in a sort of survival mode mentality."
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"I had to temporarily give up my busy career as a stenographer to be home each day and focus on the well-being and care of my children and household as we acclimated to our new realities with very little outside help. It still feels impossible to carve out the space and time to work from home when my husband is also working from home and my two school-aged children are attending school remotely and need some level of supervision, and daycare for the two younger children is not yet an option, given that we are still in the middle of a pandemic. We do have the occasional help of grandparents again, which has been an incredible relief for me."
Mega Mat in Mudcloth, $275, Toki Mats.
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"Everything else has pretty much opened up where we live, but of course strictly adhering to state-mandated protocols like social distancing and mask-wearing. We regularly get takeout and have even dined al fresco at restaurants. I also usually get our groceries delivered. Luckily, where we live, the options for delivery are abundant."
"Aside for one big camping trip over the summer, we have not traveled more than three hours away from home. We decided early on that we would postpone major traveling until this pandemic has some semblance of being under control, which probably will take us well into 2021."
Mega Mat in Mudcloth, $275, Toki Mats.
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You've also been settling into your new place.
"Yes. We originally weren’t planning to buy a house in 2019, but are now so thankful that we did before 'quarantine life.' We moved from a barely 1,000 square-foot second-floor apartment into a 2,500 square-foot house on a half-acre property."
"All of our outings with the kids are outdoors; we especially enjoy our daily walks and trips to the beach and pool time in the cousins’ backyard. We have also recently opened up our 'quarantine bubble' to include close family and select close friends, and it has been so wonderful and necessary for everyone."
Leaf-Print Standard-Sized Mat, $165, Toki Mats.
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What does play time typically look like at your home?
"Play time looks like four kids running laps, chasing each other around our house, squealing and screaming at the top of their lungs (our neighbors totally love it). We also have a large collection of vintage natural blocks that they inherited from their grandmother’s house; they all enjoy building impressively complex 'cities' with the blocks in our reading room. The girls are very into independent imaginative play, which usually involves all their dolls and pretending to be little mamas. We also just got a Nintendo Switch for our eldest boy, and he’s been obsessed with it. We're still trying to figure out a healthy way to regulate it, but it has greatly reduced the level of chaos when he joins us every other week."
"Our basic philosophy with toys is having a collection of one type and/or being of high quality, preferably wooden, locally sourced or handed down from friends and cousins, and pleasant to see strewn about the house. Don’t get me wrong, we have plenty of the plastic colorful toys too–they're just well hidden!"
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Tell us about the Toki Mats you own.
"A very important, loved, and constant fixture in our home for many years now have been our Toki Mats, which we have in several key places, with changeable covers, and which are used by all the children daily. It has been so great for our kids from birth to the present and for the foreseeable future. With all hardwood floors, it provides a soft landing for them, without being bulky or obtrusive or unsightly; they fit right in with our décor."
Leaf-Print Standard-Sized Mat, $165, Toki Mats.
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You are currently juggling 3-4 kids at home, ranging in ages. What does a typical weekday look like, with work, virtual learning, and taking care of a baby?
"A typical weekday consists of constant cleaning, preparing all meals, getting the school-aged kids through their remote schooling hours, maybe fitting in a short job for myself via Zoom, making sure the 3-year-old is entertained, and tending to our now walking baby who constantly wants to be held by me or nursing. I’ve only had short increments of time to squeeze in other tasks. So many hours have been spent just sitting on the couch with this little dude, which, looking back, how can I regret with him being my last baby?"
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Do you have a set daily schedule?
"We have a basic outline for our day during the week; but aside for the kids’ school schedule, I prefer to protect my sanity by keeping things fluid and flexible, relinquishing all need to get everything crossed off my daily to-do list. I was a workaholic, schedule- and goal-oriented mom pre-pandemic, so it’s definitely been a huge adjustment for me to have my biggest accomplishments for most days be simpler things like just getting the kids to 6 p.m. (fed, bathed, schooled, alive!), when Dada gets off work and joins us, or being able to take a shower, or having deep cleaned one corner of the house. I aim for one important big task completed each day, and that’s it. If I can do more, great!"
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How do you carve out "me time" and what does it usually consist of?
"Even before the pandemic changed our world, from the start of our relationship, my husband and I agreed we would always provide the other with 'me time,' usually cashed in on the weekends, but, really, whenever the other needs it. That has been especially important this year. Self-care for me usually involves a break from the children, taking an uninterrupted long shower, putting on a dress, one-on-one time with my husband, indulging in a Starbucks Frappuccino during errands, tending to our yard and home, meeting up with mama friends for leisurely shopping, calling close family and friends on the phone and venting to each other for hours, using my camera, or even just sitting alone in the car in the driveway and mindlessly scrolling in silence."
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Do you have a parenting or play philosophy?
"I feel like my parenting philosophy has been greatly influenced by both my late mother-in-law, who was, in my eyes, magical and free-spirited, and my own mother, who was more of a 'tiger mom,' authoritarian and regimented. I guess I find myself in between. I am very playful and affectionate with my children, while still enforcing basic rules and some modicum of structure and expectation, reining in unruly behavior as needed. Also, while I do a lot for my children, I don’t do everything for them. I place a strong emphasis on encouraging self-sufficiency and independence."
"Basically, we sing, we dance, we play, we explore, and we get our bodies outdoors. I don’t deem myself to be the perfect parent or to be doing everything right. There is plenty of fighting and yelling and melting down happening in our home, too. But this year, I’ve been making a conscious effort to be more patient and present, and much less strict in my expectations, and it has made a big difference."
"With everything going on, and being outnumbered by these kids, I don’t have the bandwidth to read all the parenting books to inform my parenting, though I do occasionally peruse parenting tips on Instagram and Pinterest to improve on areas I’m struggling with. At the end of the day, whether I feel I’ve killed it or bombed as a parent, all I have to do is look at my kids to know that I am doing something right. They are all so happy and healthy and thriving and confident."
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What things are you doing to keep your kids engaged right now?
"My kids are 10 (stepson, with us half time), 5, 3, and 1. Aside from school stuff, we keep them engaged by providing a constant flow of new books, allowing more toys around than usual, doing art projects, sending snail mail to friends and family, growing our first veggie garden together, playing video games, watching movies, and going on 'field trips' almost every day. Field trips are basically any excursion outside of our home, and we have a rotation of places, drivable or walkable, that we cycle through. We hype up all outings, even as mundane as picking up Mexican food at our favorite spot or dropping off mail at the post office two blocks away. I feel, after months of being home, the kids need that, and they definitely do get excited."
Mega Mat in Mudcloth, $275, Toki Mats.
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How has the concept of home changed for you in quarantine?
"The concept of home for us has changed in that it’s become the epicenter of our lives, being the place where we not only live, but also where my husband and I work and my children learn. It became an urgent priority for us to make it as comfortable and inviting to us as possible, especially since we plan to hunker down even tighter during winter/flu season. All of us being home most of the time has resulted in lots of wear and tear on furniture, but it also means the house is generally cleaner. I may be in the minority, but vacuuming is very therapeutic for me; I sometimes do it several times a day. Home has become the one, last place in these turbulent times where I feel any sense of control."
Leaf-Print Standard-Sized Mat, $165, Toki Mats.
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What are some things you would personally like to take away from the experience of 2020 once it's all said and done?
"This is such a great question, something I’ve been thinking about a lot throughout this year, and I could probably write a novel about it because there are so many layers to it. But since there isn’t time for that here, I’d say, in short, in general, that it’s been an incredibly clarifying year for every aspect of life and our society. I take nothing and no one for granted, and family/community have mattered more to me than ever."
Be sure to follow Juvilynn and her beautiful family on Instagram at @jaeveberries and read her "Day in the Life" profile here.
For all play mats featured in this story, head over to TokiMats.com.
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