Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad

Written by

Will Georgantas

9:00 am
06/21/19

Photo Courtesy of Tosan and Katie Burroughs

Being confined to the house with no one to talk to but a non-verbal, babbling baby day after day is enough to make anyone go a little crazy. Women’s response to the isolation of motherhood has come in the form of Moms Groups. There are countless clans, both formal an informal, for every type of mom, in almost every city and town, where moms can get out, talk to other mothers, and commiserate about new parenthood. But what about the dads? In honor of Father’s Day this month, today’s Mom Dad Talk comes to you from Will Georgantas, a stay-at-home dad to Aristides, 11 months. He dreamt up his one-man Dad’s Club after he came across a listing on a popular parenting website of more than a dozen parent clubs in his area, only one of which claimed to be inclusive of dads. But even then, he found it had zero actual dad members. So, enjoy this humorous peek into the psyche of a stay-at-home dad in need of a little grown-up connection. And if you see him and his son at the record store, please invite him out for coffee.

Minutes for Will’s Best Dad Group EVER

Call to Order
A general meeting of Will’s Best Dad Group EVER was held on June 14 on the living room rug, near the overturned modem. It began at 7:54 a.m. and was presided over by Will, with Will as secretary.

Attendees
Voting members in attendance included Will. Guests in attendance included Aristides, who is ineligible for voting membership because he is not a dad and also because he is a baby. Guests of guests in attendance included the twenty-three-dollar baby doll that smells like strawberries on account of the phthalates, but that Will had to buy because the lady at the fancy toy store caught Aristides gnawing on it. Members not in attendance included Dave, but he definitely will try to make it sometime, it’s just been crazy lately LOL, next week is looking better though, he’ll hit us up.

Approval of Minutes
A motion to approve the minutes of the previous meeting (June 13, 11:47 p.m.) was made by Will and seconded by Will. An objection was raised by Aristides but was overruled because he is a baby, plus, honestly, on what grounds? An objection was then raised by Aristides to the overruling, which was also overruled, then objected to by Aristides, then overruled again, and then someone threw a maraca. A recess of one hour and thirty-five minutes was declared at this point.

Officers’ Reports
Upon resumption of the meeting, the treasurer’s report was presented by Will. He stated that funding has been requested for double the projected Little Swimmers Huggies because basically, you have to sign up for Baby and Me swim class on their super janky website? So he accidentally signed up for lessons forty miles away, but when he tried to correct it, he signed up for a second class nearby, which is at 6:30 Sunday mornings, but he’s lucky he got in at all, because we all know the moms around here do. not. play. when it comes to Baby and Me swim class. But now Aristides will be twice as good a swimmer as their kids.

The capital assets report was presented by Will. He said that coffee levels are critical because while his back was turned for he swears five seconds while he was flipping the Birds and Sounds of the British Countryside record, Aristides upended the thermos and coffee inundated the hospitality area, rendering everyone coffeeless and the last six pages of Little Blue Truck permanently brown.

The social secretary’s report was presented by Will. At 2:30 this afternoon there will be an outing to the record store and he will say hey to that one dude behind the counter who always says hey.

Main Motions
Motion: Moved by Cool Will and seconded by Cool Will that somebody get the modem back on the windowsill, fire that sucker up, and do a Buy It Now on that sweet OG vinyl copy of Motörhead’s Ace of Spades off eBay before some primrose-path non-dad wakes up from his second nap of the day in a sunbeam somewhere, stretches self-indulgently, takes a sip of delicious hot coffee, and filches it.

Counterargument by Lame Will claims that Cool Will will never listen to it because face it, man, those days are gone and now it’s pretty much nature sounds 24-7. The motion carried with 1 yea in favor and 0 nays against, because Lame Will can suck it. Aristides will totally dig that record in fifteen years.

Motion: Moved by Will and seconded by Will that Will’s Best Dad Group EVER merge with Dave’s Dads Starring Dave! The motion was tabled with 1 yea in favor and 0 nays against after Dave couldn’t make it out after all, we gotta make it happen soon though my friend ;-)

Announcements
Aristides has four teeth.

At 4:30 there will be a parenting class at O’Toole’s titled It’s OK to Bring the Kid If They Also Sell Fries: Six Ways to Distinguish a Bar from a Bar & Grill.

Don’t forget, at 6:55 there’s the special Goodwill dads-only night out! Come one, come all to “get down” on the floor by the electronics bins and dig around for a new remote to replace the one that just drowned in the toilet. Semiformal attire: no yoga pants, please!

Emergency Incidental Main Motion
Aristides moved that despite his status as Guest, he be allowed the floor. Request, however unorthodox, was allowed. Aristides petitioned for amendment of by-laws, stating that he should be allowed voting membership on the grounds that dada. Da-da. Daddy. A gasp rose through the gallery. Order was called for. Order, I say!

A recess was called while Will filled a bottle. Upon resumption of the meeting, the motion carried with 2 yeas in favor and 0 nays against.

Adjournment
Aristides moved that the meeting adjourn and reconvene under the slide at the playground where we found that worm last time. This was seconded at 9:52 a.m.

Respectfully submitted by
Will, Secretary
Will and Aristides’s Best Dad Group EVER
June 14, 2019

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Leave a Comment

4 comments

PM

HILARIOUS. Thank you.

Katie

Can’t wait for the next installment. See you never, Dave.

Helen DePrima

Of course, you qualify as Best Dad Ever. Enough every minute, including the spilled coffee. The years will fly by as you blink, but you won’t have missed the good times.

Aristides

Since my name is also Aristides I would love to join “Ever” and contribute to a more exciting, if possible, agenda. We need a more effective quorum 😂😂

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