
Natalie Bowen Brookshire On Motherhood, Adoption, Love, & Light
Written by Katie Hintz-Zambrano
Photography by Photographed by Vanessa Mona Hellmann
When one meets San Francisco-based floral designer Natalie Bowen Brookshire, the word “perfect” comes to mind. She hosts perfect parties (in her idyllic studio garden), creates perfect floral masterpieces (a little proof here and here), has a perfectly beautiful Instagram feed, and a picture-perfect home (seen in the slideshow below), occupied by an equally picture-perfect trio of herself, her husband Seth, and daughter, Friday, 1. But, as we all know, perfection is a myth. And Natalie’s road to her current life hasn’t been without tribulation and pain. Here, she shows us around her abode, whiling going deep on her lengthy journey to motherhood, which culminated in an emotional adoption just a year ago.
For more on Natalie, be sure to check out our touching video on her experience with adoption and fertility hardships.
- "My husband, Seth, is an architect and he designed it. He has lived here 14 years and I’ve lived here 6 years."
- "Our home is a modern courtyard house that is not typical of San Francisco homes. The decor is eclectic and natural and adds a softness to the clean design of our home."
- "We probably use the family room the most, as it is adjoined to the kitchen, however we use almost all the rooms equally since having Friday. She has allowed us to rediscover our home in a new way."
- "My philosophy is to bring in what I truly love and what reminds me of our travels and joint interests. And don’t forget to edit and rotate."
- "My philosophy is to only have what we love around and this goes for children's things, too. While I love the idea of a playroom, I like to have Friday with us in every room of the house enjoying her toys and things. We have her things in each major room and put them away at night. I know that as she gets older we’ll have more and more of her things in our home, however I would like it to look as if a child lives in our home, not that we live in a playroom."
- Natalie wears a Kamperett dress. Friday wears vintage.
- "I love that living in a city means that we have diversity and all sorts of different people around at all times. Also, there are so many different places to take Friday that are not even specifically for kids. We go to the museums often, as well as nature walks in the Presidio."
- "This year marked me living in San Francisco for 20 years. While I cannot imagine living any place else, you never know. I can see us staying close to San Francisco and moving slightly north. I have dreams of raising my daughter in the country and yet I love city life so much. I think of all the decisions that life brings us, and I’m not feeling pressed to make this one. Come back and ask me when it is time to think more about schools."
- "Friday goes most everywhere I go, which goes for eating, playing, and shopping, too. My favorite places have only slightly modified since having her, but I know they will more in the future. Our favorite haunts are Pizzetta 211 for family date night, The Podolls for shopping for both of us, The Mill for meeting a friend for tea, Souvla for a quick lunch, and The Presidio for a walk."
- "Friday’s room is my dream room. My dear friend Susan of Homework designed it for Friday. And Susan's love and adoration of my baby girl fills the space and I can feel her when I am in it. I showed Susan a wallpaper that I loved and she ran with it. I only told her that I wanted to use as many pieces that we already had and add what she thought we needed. What Susan created is truly a sanctuary of sweetness. I wanted it to feel feminine without being overly girly and I feel that the black backdrop of the wallpaper grounds it."
- "The wallpaper is my favorite element. When I walk into the room I see it and it makes me feel good every time. Friday was mesmerized by it as a baby. We used a couch and rocking chair that we already owned and the crib was a gift from my husband's client, which feels special in its own way. I have a tassel hanging and a beaded piece that I got from Evoke the Spirit in Sayuilta when we were on a trip a month before Friday’s birth. When I look at it I think of a time of anticipation and daydreaming. We also have a Frida Kahlo doll made by a friend and a baby blanket my husband's 99-year-old grandmother made for us before she passed away just moths before Friday was born. I feel as if every single thing we have in the room is connected to a place or a person dear to us. And, of course, I can feel Susan’s love and magical design touch all around us when we are in there."
- "The unknown. Overcoming challenges. Being dedicated to working on myself so that I can show up for my daughter in a way that I feel confident and proud of."
- Friday's collection includes some of our favorite kids' titles, too! Top shelf, left to right: When An Elephant Falls In Love, An Awesome Book of Love!, My Wild Family, and Everybody Needs A Rock. Bottom shelf, left to right: The Complete Book of Flower Fairies, Flora and the Flamingo, Up in the Garden and Down in the Dirt, Little People, Big Dreams: Maya Angelou, and Little People Big Dreams: Coco Chanel.
- "The unknown. The certain challenges. Potential regrets. Feeling limited by finances in an incredibly expensive city."
- "I don’t have icons, but I do feel that I learn and am inspired by every mother I meet. I often gravitate to women who have older children than I do as I appreciate their broad perspective."
- "I avoided looking at anything connected to motherhood for so long, that I am only now really embracing and connecting to the world of resources out there. I love looking at Mother because the women on the site are relatable to me and a range of perspectives are addressed. I have a copy of The Danish Way of Parenting on my bedside but have not cracked it yet. My main resource has been to poll people that I know whose experiences and children I admire, and then do what they are doing."
- "I have a terrific support system with my family and my friends. My sister lives in the Bay Area and my mom in Northern California, and they both come often to spend time with Friday and lend extra support when I need it. My mother traveled with me this year when I had an event in another state, which was truly a wonderful gift. Friday happened to be born during a 6-week period when many of my peers had babies (mainly girls, too) at the same time. We have an unofficial mother’s group and I realize there may be some life-long friendships being formed already."
- "I came up with the name when my husband and I were on an unforgettable trip in Friday Harbor in the San Juan Islands outside of Seattle. We were on that trip when our connection to Friday’s biological mother became an official match, so the name connected us to a very sweet and tender time. The name also holds some of Friday’s birth mother’s name in it, which I found to be another layer of meaning. Her middle name, Viola, is a flower that we both agreed we liked the sound of. We have since found out that the meaning of 'Friday' is 'Freesia,' which is another flower that blooms in spring."
- The mini-est Mansur Gavriel bucket bag (!), a friend's gift to Friday to celebrate the finalization of her adoption.
- "I always knew I wanted to be a mother and this clarity helped guide me when I hit dead ends becoming one."
- A Petit Pehr pom pom hamper.
- White Sleepi Crib by Stokke.
- "My husband and I started to try to have a baby five years to the month before Friday was born. There immediately proved to be some road blocks. Over the next three years I went to several fertility doctors, acupuncture, naturopath, Mayan abdominal massage, initiatives of different types, and countless other forms of doctors and healers. Meanwhile, everyone I knew seemed to be getting pregnant whether trying or not. After finding out that an egg donor was our best chance at me conceiving, we decided to just sit with it all for a while. Adoption is something we both had interest in and my husband and I decided to move forward and learn more about adoption and went to a meeting at an agency and then had a meeting with an attorney we had heard of from several people. After those meetings we both knew so clearly that we were going to adopt and it was going to happen and we would be parents. It was exactly nine months between that meeting and the day our baby was born. I know that this process is not quick for many, so I see that as a gift we were given after waiting for what feels like a long time. I know others wait much longer, so it is not lost on me. I will always have my birth story, it just happens that I was not the one giving birth."
- "1. Take care of yourself. Do what you need to do to connect to the source that fulfills you. Search for or deepen that connection. 2. Find your someone or something to support you. 3. Find humor, find outlets, find fun. In hard times you need a relief here and there."
- "1. Don’t tell them about your cousin/sister/friend who went through it and what they did. Everyone’s experience is different and this can cause a person to feel more isolated and less understood. 2. Don’t tell them to relax. Or to stop thinking about it. Or just go away for the weekend with their partner. 3. Don’t feel hurt if they don’t come to your kid's birthday party or your baby shower. It’s hard to explain how painful events like these can be and what they can bring up. 4. Be mindful of child-centric and motherhood topics of conversation in their company, even if it is the only thing going on in your life." For more on this topic, check out Mother's piece on Helping A Friend Through Infertility.
- "Multiple people in my family were adopted, so it seemed like a great option to grow a family. I had always wanted to be pregnant and had to see that experience through and also mourn not becoming pregnant myself. I felt very rejected by my own body, yet that has nothing to do with how I relate to my daughter. After deciding that we were at the end of our path with infertility treatments, we took some time to just be and process and feel. After going to a meeting to learn more about adoption we both left invigorated and excited and never looked back after that day. When our fears came up we looked them straight in the eye and kept moving through them. We knew in our hearts that we were on the path to our daughter. And, we were. Adopting was not my plan B or my consolation prize. It has become clear that it is what was meant for me and I am so grateful to have had the honor of this experience."
- "Friday’s birth mother lives in a different state, so we flew out close to the time we thought she would give birth. The day she was induced was earlier than expected and we called my husband and told him to get on the first flight he could get on. We got him on the last seat on the last flight that would get him here in time. He took a cab two hours from the airport directly to the hospital and arrived in time. I was with Friday’s birth mom through the entire labor and delivery. When the moment came that Friday would be born the nurse asked me where I wanted to stand and I said next to her birth mom, so I could be close to her. My baby was being born and I was there for that, yet I was also there for her birth mom. When Friday was born they let my husband cut the cord and I got to hold her first. She was then passed to my husband and then I handed her to C (Friday’s birth Mom). It was a moment we all shared and that is a bittersweet time. It is joy and loss and happiness and grief all together. What I felt most, was connected. Both to my baby, my husband, and C. Following the birth we spent every day with C until we flew home when Friday was 10 days old."
- "1. Learn more. Ask someone who adopted successfully and somewhat recently how they started the process. 2. Take inventory of your fears and work on those. Most likely those are about yourself and not about adoption itself. Be open to growing through the process and not getting stuck in fear. 3. Accept that it is a long and drawn out process full of paperwork and social workers and all sorts of reports and tests that people that get knocked up easily do not have to do. Accept that and don’t let your frustration with that get in your way. 4. Forget all of your ideas about an ideal pregnancy. This is your child, but it is not your pregnancy."
- "Like so many people, I struggle with control. In retrospect this experience has changed the way I look at what I have control of and how that affects outcomes. The process of adopting gave me a deep lesson in looking at my fears and realizing exactly that. They are my fears. I’ve been working on looking at what scares me and breaking that down, rather than running from them, and my world has changed. I also think that my husband and I have really grown together, even when times are hard. I feel like an adult, I’ll tell you that. The gift that adoption brought me is all the layers and relationships and beauty that becomes from this experience. I truly love Friday’s birth mother and wake up each day wanting to be the best person I can because she chose me to raise her child. I feel an intense connection to the idea that becoming a mother is not at all how I thought I would get there and yet when I reflect I think how perfect it is. I found my little angel and the people and experiences I collected along the road are an added bonus."
- "I was raised in a smallish town in Northern California mainly by my mother who was a single mom for much of my childhood. My sister is nearly ten years older, so now that I look back on it, a lot of my childhood was spent as a single child until my mother married my step-father and two of his five kids moved in with us. Some of my childhood was spent in the country where I learned how to have a strong imagination and enjoy nature, even though I yearned for city life."
- Jonathan Adler's iconic Georgia vase.
- "My mother seemed pretty relaxed, yet I know she was very intentional and not at all relaxed at the same time. She emphasized manners, which I hope to do, as well. We also grew up in a house that felt like my sister and I were part of the household but did not run it. We lived in an adult world, we were not the center of the universe. I think that was a great way of getting a taste of the real world."
- "Know that everything regarding sleep is going to change and be a struggle, so do what you can to take care of yourself and know that this time will pass. Ask for what you need, then receive it when it is given to you. Block out all advice, other than what you request. Everyone wants to tell you what you 'should' be doing, and if anything comes as a struggle, such as sleep or feeding, it seems to be an open door invite to have those unsolicited opinions that are well intended but often don’t feel supportive at the time. Get a house cleaner if you can. Get take-out. If you have a partner, don’t forget about them and look them in the eye once a day and tell them you love them."
- Beautiful trio.
- "We arrived home from the midwest, where Friday was born, less than 48 hours before the election. Like the rest of the country we were stunned and we dealt with the immediate days after by going into a baby bubble. We would invite friends over who were grieving after the election to hold our baby and get a little moment of respite. So much has come to the surface since the election and issues that were getting glossed over are now being talked about. Friday is a mixed race woman in America, it is our job as her parents to be outspoken about equality."
- "My approach to my life and my marriage is to never coast and to hold us to a standard of excellence. My husband and I prioritize our relationship and make time and take time for one another. We are good for one another and are different in ways that challenge us daily, yet working through those challenges is making us both more dynamic people. I have found that looking at it as 'one day at a time' really helps. If I had a good day...what did I do to make it good? If I had a bad day...tomorrow is another day! My husband and I were fortunate enough to remain connected and navigate each turn as a team. I feel like this was one of the silver linings in my darkest days as I know this is not the experience many couples have. My husband’s support helped me get through the rough road getting here and now it has helped me continue my business while raising our daughter."
- "The future holds the answer to this question."
- "I am a floral designer. I started my business 14 years ago and have never looked back since."
- "I feel a strong invigoration around my business right now. I just started putting time in my calendar to work on the business, which feels so good. I don’t check my email or look at Instagram or do anything until that hour is over. I find that it is a very productive, juicy time. I’m inspired by knowing something new and big is around the corner."
- Natalie wears a Reformation dress. Friday wears vintage.
- "I see my use of time in a whole new way. Many mothers will tell you that they are much more efficient and I agree. Like so many others, I can feel guilt when I am away from Friday and then when I am not at work. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m trying to combat it by reminding myself that Friday seeing me creating and connecting and contributing has a great deal of positive impact."
- Baby anklet. And velvet bloomers. We die.
- "Now that I am a mother I want to give more back, as I want to show my daughter how to use her profession to help others when you can. My mother has always volunteered throughout her lifetime and I feel like it is my time to, as well. I can always use the excuse of time, but I also believe we make time for the things most important to us."
- "I did not take a maternity leave. I have my own business and without me, it does not run. My intensity shifted immediately, but I’m pretty sure I was checking email from the hospital."
- A leafy, light-soaked corner in the upstairs hallway.
- "Absolutely! I had hoped that having a child would help me gain clarity around prioritizing and how I worked and it most certainly has."
- Natalie wears a Free People top and Oak and Fort skirt.
- "My dream is to make my business become a brand. I’m putting energy into making connections with businesses and people I love right now. Flowers will always be my life, yet I am headed towards a pivot. I feel more invigorated about my business now than I have in a very long time and I see this 100% due to being a mother. I’ve just completed my first year of doing both and I feel that I did not just survive, I thrived."
- Peek-a-boo time.
- Cactus-print teepee by Minted.
- "My personal style is refined boho. I am a fourth generation Californian and I have the love of this state and lifestyle in my blood. I can’t get away from it and I also have not tried. Since having Friday I have tried harder with my style by not trying as hard. I grab a pretty dress rather than put together a perfect outfit. It’s about simplicity but it’s also about pattern. My go-to for a tired day is red lipstick, which I hope never goes out of style."
- "For shoes, my Converse high-tops or my my Freda Salvadors. For clothes, I love a jumpsuit and a white pair of jeans."
- "I am all about my skin. I am lucky enough to have regular facials with Sarah Becker. I am currently loving the Laurel products along with Vintner’s Daughter oil. For makeup I love the Ilia Cheek, which was a gift from my sister-in-law, and a saturated lipstick. I love natural products and reserve my non-natural lip love for Tom Ford and NARS. I’m also a fan of the doTERRA oils, especially now that I have a baby, and a mid-day spritz of Tata Harper Hydrating Floral Essence."
- "Without self-care I unravel. I see each time I do something for me as if I am doing it for the family, because I am. Twice a week I go to an outdoor bar class taught at the Lyon Street Stairs. I try and not miss those classes and on a good and very rare week I’ll get one more class in. I go early in the morning when my husband is in bed and can snuggle Friday, so it is the least impact on him and does not require a sitter to do so. I meditate daily and in this season of life I only sit for 10 minutes a day. Lately, I’ll get up early before everyone in the house is up to guarantee that I get that time. If I don’t do it then, it will not happen. I make dinner most nights, but our dinners have become very simple. Nutrition is very important to me, so making our food is something that I prioritize."
- "I’ve always prioritized my 'me time,' so now that Friday is here and my time is always with her, I realized how much time I did and still do take for myself. In fact, I often want much more even though I take more time than a lot of women I know. I have decided to feel proud of the time and not selfish. I struggle to see how women, especially mothers, can function without nurturing themselves. Once a week, and sometimes more, I do something for myself whether it is acupuncture or a session with my life coach. Lately, once a week I will go out in the evening, sometimes when Friday is asleep and sometimes before. I manage to take this time by having a husband who has always spent time with our baby and also having a sitter about 12-ish hours a week."
- For more on Natalie, check out her Instagram feed and website.
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