Motherhood
10+ Mothers Of Twins Sound Off On Their Experiences & Advice
Written by Sara Langer
Photography by Charmin Roundtree-Baaqee Photographed by Thompson Homonnay
Jul 25, 2018
Twins and multiples are becoming much more common these days. In fact, the birth rate for twins has risen by 76% since 1980! That being said, overall, twins still make up a small percentage of births each year, accounting for 5 of every 1,000 births in the United States. According to Multiples of America, increased use of fertility treatments, advancement in modern medicine, and older maternal age at conception all contribute to the rise of twin births. Women have elevated levels of FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) as they age, which can make it more likely to conceive multiples. And an estimated 1.6% of births in 2013 were the result of assisted reproductive technologies (ART) alone. Because of this rise in twin births, we know we have more and more readers who are new or soon-to-be twin mamas. Becoming a parent is overwhelming, but consider what it must feel like to know you are bringing two new babies into the world. Below, we tapped a group of twin moms from around the country to share their experience—from their initial reaction to finding out they were expecting x 2, the looming fears and concerns of raising twins, and the advice they have for other twin moms. Read on below to get to know these moms juggling the magic and joy of twins.
For more on this topic, check out three inspiring Mother profiles on “twin moms” Elaina Bellis, Alexa Wilding, and Mary Ford.
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- "Being a mother of twins gives me an even greater respect for the resilience of women and an awareness of how important we are to the world. We have a big job. It sounds like a cliché, but I am learning how not to sweat the small stuff. Being a mom has opened my eyes to the pure bliss and wonderment that children bring to the world. It’s harder to see the magic when we don’t allow children to guide you along the way. They see the world as it should be. Mingus and Phoenix are extremely close. They never fight. When they have disagreements, I tease that their arguments are fake because they can’t go more than 30 seconds without bursting into laughter. One really cute and interesting thing they do is create stories together. Sometimes they do it at home or in the backseat of the car. They take turns describing what happens next in the story. It’s the coolest thing to observe. They also often hold hands or give each other random hugs. I feel so lucky to witness such a pure love. I’ve been surprised how different people can be just because of their genders (however they identify). I feel like I have a much better understanding of my husband and other males, just from the experience of raising my son and also seeing how differently he and his sister react to things. Phoenix is very much like her namesake. She is a confident, resilient, and compassionate leader. She is a strong advocate for her family, friends, and the community as a whole. She is probably one of the most reliable and responsible people I know. She is my walking calendar and grocery list. Mingus has a heart of gold. He is a very playful, compassionate, and forgiving individual. He is a budding artist, scientist, and animal rights activist."
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- "Figure out a way to compensate for sleep. Sleep deprivation can really take its toll on you. Having an exercise regiment, a healthy diet, or a way to practice mindfulness is extremely important to maintain balance. Accept help in the ways that make sense for your family. Even if you are not comfortable with relinquishing care of your littles, accepting help with laundry, errands, etc. can really alleviate the feeling of being constantly overwhelmed. Don’t beat yourself up if you have to supplement nursing with formula. Nursing multiples is no easy task. Try your best not to give up but don’t feel bad if you need a little help. Take all of the hand-me-downs! Teach your twins early about traffic safety. Toddlers move very quickly. There are often times when you will have to run errands with your children alone. Identify a system for getting out of a parked car safely, holding hands when walking, holding the ends of a shopping cart on the way to a parked car, etc." Follow along with Charmin here and on Instagram here.
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- "Finding out I was pregnant with twins was the most out-of-body experience I've ever gone through. I was by myself at my 8-week scan and I had just made the joke to my OB, ‘Let's make sure there's only one in there.' Then, she and I saw two heartbeats and we were both totally shocked. I laughed maniacally. Then I called my husband in hysterics. Then I cried for about 2 weeks. There was the classic logistical fear of how could we handle, fit, and afford three kids under 2 1/2 years old. Then there was the paralyzing fear of how could we possibly take care of two newborns at the same time. Then there was constant fear knowing I was having a high-risk pregnancy: an amorphous term that seemed totally foreign. Despite being monitored almost weekly, I still went into each appointment with such a wave of terror and left with relief, gratitude, and pride. Our girls suffered an extremely uncommon form of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) called TAPS (Twin Anemia Polycythemia Sequence). If a woman finds out she is pregnant with mono-di (identical) twins, I highly encourage her to ask for a doppler scan to measure blood flow through the cerebral artery. Their sickness was not detected in standard ultrasounds because they never presented the classic signs of TTTS. This scan would have caught what they had. It wasn't until delivery that we realized the emergency we were in and, frankly, we are very very lucky they survived. I want to raise awareness around the rare but real possibility of TTTS and TAPS."
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- "Twin experience is hard to come by, but you need to learn from a twin expert until you become that expert. That could be in the form of a baby nurse, doula, nanny, or another twin mom a few months ahead. Even if you have a kid, this is an entirely new skill set. There's a major difference between one baby, two babies at once, and twins. Also, schedules and routine are the only way to function for the entire family. Gone are the days of leaving the house with my first born in a carrier and a few diapers playing the day by ear. This twin thing is no joke—it requires way more organization and thinking ahead than it did with one. Twins have to be on the same schedule for sanity. So, I proudly mastered the 'pillow prop' so they could 'feed themselves' and I could pump at the same time next to them. My first pregnancy was straightforward and enjoyable. My son was born in the U.K., went straight into nursery school at 5 months, and traveled to 9 countries before he turned 1! The twin pregnancy was so intense and they had a rough start. But finally they have a fabulous nanny and they've been to L.A. once! The biggest thing that's surprised me about being a twin mom is that I am a twin mom! I'm still in shock, it’s surreal. The other surprise is that even though this is not my first child(ren), I feel as though I totally started from scratch with the twins. I've also found myself to be a bit more spiritual. Everything about their existence is rare and special. From the fact that I was pregnant with twins, to the type of twins they are, to the timing of their delivery and the exact doctors on call at that moment, to the sickness they suffered, to their rocky beginning, to their amazing survival and continued strength. Not a day goes by that I take them for granted. They are already superhuman and they really have a purpose here. Of course, it's double the work and stress, but it's also double the love. Two sets of eyes that make your heart melt. Two toothless smiles beaming at you. That is so meaningful and gives me chills. It's surreal and amazing. 'Holy s#$t there are two!' We say that all the time." Follow along with Besse on Instagram here.
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- "The first moments after finding out that I was having twins was just surreal. I don't think I was quite able to absorb the information. Then that initial shock turned into fear. How were we going to manage two babies? Really, how? I barely knew how we were going to handle one baby, let alone two. And then there was a very real feeling of sadness and letting go of the experience I thought I was going to have as a first-time mom. I knew right away that this changed everything and that life would look a lot different than what I had first expected. And then, finally, the excitement. We joked that we were getting a two for one deal, and I was actually pretty thrilled at the idea of only having to be pregnant once to have two babies. My biggest fear was that I wouldn't have enough in me to give as much love and attention to each child as fully as I would want to. I think this is something that a lot of parents face when they're going from one child to two. But as soon as my twins were born I loved them each wholly and completely and it's never felt like I was splitting the love. The attention I could give both of my kids was something I had to work out and navigate. My son was a fussier baby than my daughter and so he tended to get more attention and I would end the day calculating in my mind. Did I hold them both enough? Did I spend enough time talking to both of them? Then I would feel so much guilt about not splitting my time equally. Another twin mom gave me wonderful advice early on that giving each child what they need isn't the same thing as treating them exactly the same way. Some days one child will need you more, and that's okay. The next day it might totally switch. One might want to be held, the other might want to be breastfed. You slowly begin to figure it out. Who needs what and responding to those needs without worrying so much about treating each baby the same. And now that my twins are older, at 4 years old, they're such different individual people that it comes pretty naturally to give them each the kind of attention they crave and need. I can honestly say that witnessing their relationship will be one of the greatest privileges of my life. They're each other's best friends, but they are also extremely different from each other, which I think has helped ward off a lot of sibling competitiveness since they each have very distinct interests. Starting from just a few months old, they would make each other giggle. I wish I could have bottled up that sound of little 6-month-old babies just laughing hysterically at each other's antics. They're always looking out for each other. Sharing everything they have, comforting each other when they're sad, feeding each other, and driving each other crazy. That relationship is the most rewarding part of twin parenthood because there's just nothing like it. They have always been each other's companion and go-to person and they've never known anything different. They're each other's constant. Hands down, witnessing the relationship between my son and daughter is the most extraordinary thing. There are moments every single day, even on the hardest days, when my twins will interact in ways that just burst your heart wide open. Some of the best moments come after bedtime when we can hear them just chatting and giggling to each other. Witnessing the love between the two of them is something I wouldn't trade for the world."
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- "I’ve been surprised how much love people have for twins. I'm an introvert and one thing I never expected was to be so frequently approached because I had twins. And to be frank, sometimes these encounters might be awkward. Like when someone insists that boy/girl twins can be identical. But for the most part, it really seems like people light up when they see twins. And it surprised me how happy it made me talk to others about my twins and how excited others were to interact with my kids. Also, I think I surprised myself with how well we've managed to cope with twins. We've been able to travel pretty frequently with our twins and they do great on plane rides and long car trips. Throughout the week we're constantly going places and exploring. It's harder and the logistics are more complicated, but I think I mentally prepared myself for being stuck in the house all the time, and that really hasn't been the case at all. And now that my twins are 4, I'm so surprised by how much I really really miss those newborn days. People constantly told me it would get easier with twins, but I personally thought the newborn days were fairly easy and only got more difficult as toddlerhood hit. Two toddlers who can run in opposite directions, was to me, much more anxiety-inducing and frustrating than those newborn days. I just welcomed a new baby boy into our family 11 weeks ago, so I'm getting to experience first hand how different it is to have a singleton vs. twins! And it is an absolute mental trip realizing how much easier it is with just one baby. I think we've been blessed with a particularly easy going baby, but it's been astounding to me the difference with one vs. two. Everything is just simpler. The logistics are easier. Only one baby to nurse instead of two. Only one baby to wear instead of two. When the baby cries, I can just go to the baby and not have to evaluate, who is crying harder? Whose needs are more pressing right this second? Those were some of the hardest moments I experienced with my twins was when I would have to shuffle back and forth between two crying babies, both needing you and you feel like you're failing both. Or those moments when a baby would fall asleep on my chest but I wouldn't even be able to enjoy it, because I'd have to set that baby down to tend to the other baby. I also feel like having gone through all this with twins the first time around, everything just seems so much more manageable in comparison. Perspective is everything and having twins as your first babies really gives you an amazing perspective!" Follow along with Hannah on Instagram here. and here.
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- "After just over two years of infertility, my husband and I decided to pursue domestic infant adoption to grow our family. When going through the home study there is a list where you check a box if you are open to multiples. My husband had teased me that I was meant to have twins for years because I was a nanny to twin boys while we were dating. When it came time to check that box we laughed and joked that maybe I'd finally get our twins! Little did we know, just six days after becoming a waiting family we would get a message about preemie twin girls! I was floored. I felt like I'd won the lottery. Our girls were born at 31 weeks and needed to spend some time in the NICU. Our twin's names are Halle Ruth and Quinn Rose. My husband and I decided to ask our daughters' birth mom if she would choose their middle names and she gave them sweet, precious middle names that we love."
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- "Having twins has been challenging at times for sure, but as a whole, it's been the single greatest experience of my life! There's something so magical about twins. There are so many times in a normal, average day when I see them laughing at each other or playing and it just hits me all over again how blessed we are! If you're at the beginning of your twin parenting journey, don't be scared! There will be hard moments, but there will be so many more amazing ones! I think the hardest part of being a twin mom for me has been the loss of that one-on-one time most mothers have with their newborn. As an adoptive mom, I knew how important skin to skin and lots of one-on-one time would be to help establish our bond. I did as much skin to skin and babywearing as I could in those early days, but I felt guilty when I couldn't hold them both or when one was fussy and got more attention than the other. Now that they're 16 months old, I know without a doubt that we have a strong bond, but there's a part of me that still grieves not being able to give 100% of myself to each of them." Follow along with Katie on Instagram here.
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- "I was overjoyed to see two little heartbeats on that first ultrasound! My husband, Dirk, and I had endured so many years of disappointments up until that point that we were ecstatic! My doctor’s office is a few blocks from Central Park in New York and I remember it was a bright, crisp, spring day and we took a long stroll through the park just to savor the moment. It felt like the whole city was shining with delight in our glorious news. But soon I realized I had so many fears. Truly too many to count. In fact, it got so bad toward the end of my pregnancy that I had to write down what was worrying me that day just to get to sleep. Then throw the paper out to release it. I spent so long trying to get pregnant that I had tons of time to try to optimize every single decision. Would my babies be premature and have to spend weeks in the NICU? Would I be able to breastfeed exclusively? Would the babies feel abandoned if I let them sleep in their nursery and not at my bedside? I even remember reaching out to one of my favorite bloggers for advice on finding the best organic preemie diapers! It makes me cringe now, especially since my babies never even needed preemie anything! They weighed 6lbs 9oz and 7lbs 1 oz at birth! But my biggest fear that I kept in the deepest, darkest place was that my precious little ones were not really here to stay. I had so much trauma in my journey to becoming a mother that two years later I still pinch myself that this is real. I am working on shifting those moments from fear to pure gratitude. I had always planned to go right back to work after having a child. But when I gave birth, I was overwhelmed by the tidal wave of relief and love I felt. I was blown away by the intense almost primal need to spend most of my time mothering Dean and Vivienne. My harrowing journey to motherhood coupled with giving birth to twins just left me a bit, I don’t know any other way to describe it but, unraveled or undone. At one point I thought I wanted to run off to the country with my babies to focus on the huge physical, emotional, and spiritual undertaking I had been given to guide these precious little ones. That was a complete surprise and completely out of character. That first year was intense. After our exceptional nanny started working with us, it took me a year to start working on part-time projects and it’s only now that Dean and Vivi are turning three in the fall, I feel ready to go back to work full time. I feel extremely lucky to even have a choice in the matter when too many mothers do not."
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- "Take it a few weeks at a time. I am a planner at heart, but life, and especially babies, are unpredictable. So yes, follow the advice in the books that encourage you to establish a routine. That being said, don’t be afraid to break free every once and awhile. For instance, I had my heart set on breastfeeding exclusively. My son latched immediately and went to work bringing down the milk like a little worker bee. My daughter took almost a week to latch so we ended up supplementing with formula and she started nursing a few days later in her own time. To my surprise, there was no nipple confusion and the three of us got quite good at the rhythm of tandem breastfeeding during the day for a full year and used formula at night. After all of my rigid expectations and anxiety, it was actually a gift that I ended up giving them some formula because it allowed me to rest while my baby nurse (who I was very lucky to have) bottle fed during the night. This approach may not be right for everyone, but it was the healthiest option for me and my little ones. Be empowered to listen to your intuition. That experience is a gentle reminder to me to try my best not to judge other parents. You usually have no idea what they are dealing with! My parents live seven floors above us and my sister and her family live thirteen floors below us in the same building. I cannot imagine life without them. I also made friends with a group of twin moms in my neighborhood. I know that sounds daunting—figuring out motherhood, juggling two babies at once, and now making new friends?! But remember, they are just as eager to form authentic connections in this new life phase as you are. I made one friend after she spotted my husband at the farmers market with our double stroller and they arranged for us to meet on a blind date in the park! I spotted another friend’s double stroller at my pediatrician's office and introduced myself when I saw her a few weeks later. Between those chance encounters and a parent-child music class, we formed what one of the dads calls the 5&10 Club: Five moms and ten kids! They are my cherished circle of mamas and it is a privilege to travel this life-changing road with them." Follow along with Nerissa on Instagram here.
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- “In all honesty, finding out I was having twins put me into a panic attack for almost a month. I grew up as an identical twin and my older sister had fraternal twins, so I knew there was a possibility I could have them. When we decided to get pregnant again for the third and final time, and I went in for that first ultrasound, I asked the question I always did, ‘How many are there?’ The response, ‘One.’ It wasn’t until my second visit a month later that I was told there were two. I laughed because I thought it was a joke, but when I looked at the screen it was clear; there were two babies! I had so many fears because I knew how hard a single baby can be and all I could think was double everything! However, the way I’ve explained it to others is that before you even have one, you wonder how am I going to do this and weeks after the baby comes, you look around and say, ‘Wow, I’m doing it! I may be in a million pieces, but I’m doing it!’ It’s the same situation for me and the twins, ‘Holy crap, I’m doing this!’ I’ve been surprised by how many other moms there are of multiples! I guess I just wasn’t paying attention before. The community of mother’s raising twins/multiples has been such a good source of comfort for me when I’ve doubted myself. It has been so rewarding to look at these two identical human beings and think they are mine. I have been given them as a gift to raise them, to love each other and support each other. While I am early on in my journey of being a twin mom, my heart bursts when they turn in to each other to find each other. My hope is that they always look to the other and take care of each other.”
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- "My parents were always amazing at celebrating the differences between my twin and I. Growing up an identical twin, you are constantly being compared by others to your twin, with the best intentions, I’m sure. But knowing that we really are different, I appreciated that I may not be as good in one thing as my twin but there were other things that made me who I am. I would also reassure her that if she’s feeling any uncertainty and/or fears about having twins that it’s all a moment in time. We all eventually sleep again and we emerge from our cave being holed up in the house. I feel like I’m still figuring out this twin thing but one piece of advice I got before they came and now that they are here, is if there are older siblings, to have a plan to get them out of the house for a little bit each day, even if it’s not with you. This way you truly can try and nap when the babies nap and your older kids don’t go stir crazy." Follow along with Sara on Instagram here.
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- "When we found out we were pregnant with twins we were shocked! This is particularly funny because during IVF the doctor asked if we wanted to transfer one or two embryos. We laughed and answered ‘Only one! We don't want to risk having twins!’ And then, surprise! The embryo split and we found out we were having identical twins! We had an ‘Oh shit!’ moment. But, after the initial shock died down, we were thrilled! As far as our conception, we did IVF with Janice being the 'donor egg’ and Brandi carrying and being the birth mother. Another ironic part of our story is that Brandi has identical twin brothers that are two years younger than her, so she has experience with twins since she grew up with them. I (Brandi) was very afraid of having a c-section due to the twin pregnancy. It consumed my thoughts when I first found out that I was having twins. I had hoped for a pregnancy with little to no monitoring and dreamt of a birth with no interventions and in a birthing center. Suddenly, I was at the hospital once a week being monitored by an MFM (Maternal-Fetal Medicine) Specialist. This became even more intense when we found out that our daughters had unequal placenta share. It was a scary time, with our little one's fate being uncertain, but we felt that we were in wonderful hands at UCSF in San Francisco, where teams of doctors specialized in this particular type of twin pregnancy. That being said, around the 34-week mark we found out our little one had stopped growing and this mama developed preeclampsia. It was time to get those babies out! With the help of a doula, my own spiritual work leading up to the birth, and the amazing team at UCSF, I was able to have a birth that was better than I imagined. I felt empowered and supported! I wouldn't have wished for anything else. I (Janice) was worried about the financial stresses of having twins. But I realize now, especially in the early years, it's not about how much money you make or how much you have. It's about the time you spend with them and the moments you share. You really find a way to make due with what you have. I did realize that we would need a bigger car!"
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- "The girls are identical, but we say ‘identical, but not identical.' Because Phoenix is so much smaller, they don't look totally identical. They are just beginning to play with each other and it's so cute. We can hear them giggling in their room sometimes when they should be napping. We also see ways that they take care of each other like when one is crying, the other will come to give her a smooch or a back rub. Or if one is in time out, her sister will try to rescue her. Because they've had each other all their lives, they are so generous and good at sharing. Snuggling one baby is so lovely, but being able to snuggle two babies at once is such a special gift. And hallelujah, they are beginning to entertain each other! We also feel like having our twins already makes our family feel complete. Like we have our own little gang. And everyone ALWAYS wants to say something. You can barely walk down the street without being stopped twenty times. We call it the ‘Baby Circus.' Now that we have our twins girls, we couldn't picture it any other way. It's super important to try to get them on the same schedule. If one wakes, just wake the other one up or you'd be never resting.That whole 'never wake a sleeping baby' goes out the window with twins. Pretty much anything that works for a singleton parent goes out the window. Our girls were sleep trained at 7 months, we really wish we would have started earlier. Once they got used to it, it was the best thing for all four of us. They now sleep 10-12 hours a night at 17 months. When you're planning to leave the house, give yourself way more time than you expect. And it may feel daunting to get out of the house with twins, but encourage yourself to go. This is your new normal, and eventually, you'll get into a flow and it'll be a breeze. Take a deep breath. You're going to be okay. Be easy on yourself. All the magic moments that twins share by far makeup for the difficult ones. When people offer to help, take FULL advantage. Get them to watch the babies and so you can take a nap. The first three months are a whirlwind. Cash in on any support you can." Follow along with Brandi and Janice on Instagram here and here.
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- "When we found out we were having twins at our 12 week scan, we were in total shock. Looking back I think there were definitely signs that I was carrying two babies. My belly grew quickly and my sickness was through the roof. I have 3 sets of twins in my family, so there was always a higher chance of me having twins, so maybe we should have expected it. I think when you’re pregnant you will always have fears, but this is heightened when carrying twins, as they refer to you as 'high risk.' I was so worried that the girls would come early and need special care. Unfortunately, my fear became reality when my water broke at 32 weeks. Luckily the girls were okay and they only needed to stay in special care for two weeks. One of my twins has Down Syndrome, which we didn’t know until she was born, so there have been extra challenges in the last few months. But seeing both girls achieve their milestones, thriving, and beaming with big smiles in the morning are some of the most rewarding things. The girls are DI-DI twins, which means there were two placentas and two sacks. They are fraternal twins. Harper has a mass of dark brown hair while Quinn has blonde fuzz. They are starting to show more interest in each other now, at five months old. They coo at each other and reach out holding hands all the time. It’s very cute to watch."
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- "I think what has surprised me the most is despite it being hard work and long days, I am actually okay. I thought I would really struggle to manage two babies at the same time, but you learn tips and tricks that are so helpful, like how to hold and feed two babies at the same time. When you have twins you get so much attention when you're out and about and this made me nervous at first, but I have learned to embrace this and go with the flow and no two days are the same when you have twins. I have a four year old son, but he was three years old when the girls were born. It was definitely hard on him, as he was used to having all of my attention. Having twins is so much harder and needs a lot more planning than having one baby. Just getting a double shopping trolly at the supermarket can be difficult. You spend a lot more time doing the basics like feeding and changing, and less time going to classes and groups. Although now that the girls are getting bigger and have a more consistent routine, it is becoming a bit easier." Follow along with Nicola on Instagram here.
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- "The oddest thing about finding out that I was having twins was that I was strangely not surprised about it. My husband and I say that I had a sixth sense about it from the moment I found I was pregnant. Twins don't run in our families, but for some reason, I just had this feeling; a feeling I didn't have during my first pregnancy with my older daughter. My husband technically found out first as I was laying on the table in my OBGYN's office and the screen was facing him. We'd done it once before so when the doctor looked at him and said, ‘Are you seeing what I'm seeing?’ I just knew. I think our first thoughts were, ‘Portland or Seattle, here we come!’ We knew we wouldn't be staying in one apartment in San Francisco. I was terrified of everything: the birth, the breastfeeding, the relationship with my older daughter, and of course, our finances. I wondered if life as I knew it would be over forever, and I definitely experienced strong mourning periods. Some things went surprisingly smoother than I feared, like the birth, but other things have been challenging. I never planned on having three children, so the last couple of years have really challenged me to reimagine who I am as a person and what my future looks like. It's been a period of intense personal growth and a lot of exhaustion. I can't say that I know all the answers and that my fears have all been eliminated. But I can say that my life feels richer than it was before. My relationship with my husband is stronger. The lesson has been that you can adapt, and there is lots of magic to be found. My fear of not being able to love these two people fiercely and equally as much as I love my older daughter definitely dissipated immediately after they were born."
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- "We have boy/girl twins: Noah and Mila. When they were born, Noah was teeny tiny (Mila got the better placenta!). From day one they were unique little individuals: Noah is mischievous but also super calm and mellow, while Mila is really loud and opinionated—she is bubbly and bossy. He's more social than her, though! Their relationship is one of the most magical things about them: they really and truly take care of each other. They'll spontaneously hold hands, and give each other snacks. And when one is crying, the other will often offer comfort. They're like an old married couple! I think it's great just being privy to their incredible experience, one that I will never fully understand, as I am an only child. It's rewarding to know that we unintentionally gave them this gift of living life side by side. There are also so many times that we are incredibly overwhelmed, and we lose our tempers, or we feel like we'll never rest/sleep again, but then we do a giant 'family pile' and all feels right in the world. There is a lot of love with twins, but take it one day at a time. Also, self-care is critical: figure out what your support network will look like and make sure to prioritize yourself, and your relationship with your partner. My pediatrician told me that a happy mom = a happy child. I try to remind myself of this often whenever I find myself trapped in a cycle of guilt. Remember that all of your feelings are valid and normal. Acknowledge them!" Follow along with Kasey here and on Instagram here.
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- "When my husband and I spoke of starting a family, we only planned on having one child. Being a family of three would still allow us to raise a child and maintain a lifestyle where we could still travel, have nice dinners, and treat ourselves to a little somethin' somethin'. So, we bought the house, SUV, and even a bike rack with this in mind. Finding out we were having twins felt like we were saying goodbye to maintaining that comfortable lifestyle. And oh damn! How are we going to pay for their university? To be honest, that fear still looms over my head. However, from the get-go we opened up a Registered Education Savings plan, cash gifts that we get from birthdays and Christmas are put away and indirectly the work I do with blogging and social media is a bonus. I’m crossing my fingers that one or both get a scholarship!"
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- "When it comes to kid stuff, take the hand-me-downs, buy gently used items, your baby registry should mostly be diapers, and find a double stroller that you really love. When it comes to yourself, I really found it helpful to connect with other twin moms. I joined online forums and read blogs which provided me with a lot of support. Go on ‘mommy and me’ dates and let them take the lead. With twins, it's easy to get into the habit of just doing things one way and hoping that they'll both enjoy it. The mommy and me dates allow me to hear one voice and to give my undivided attention. There is definitely an unbreakable bond between Maxwell and Brandon. They are extremely protective of each other. That it makes it difficult to discipline them at times. One could be bawling his eyes out and I'll turn to look at the other guy and his eyes are welling up with the tears and then I start crying and we go into this group hug. While other times, one is getting in trouble and the other guy comes in to mediate, but really he's just taking his brother's side." Follow along with Sunshine here and on Instagram here.
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- "My boys are fraternal. They are super different from one another in appearance and personality, but they enjoy each other so much. They often spend the first half of ‘naptime’ cracking up and passing pacifiers back and forth between the crib rails. They hold hands while nursing sometimes, and it pretty much breaks my heart, it’s so sweet. For me, the best part of being a twin mom is witnessing their relationship with one another grow and watching as their distinct and completely unique identities and interests form. My boys are so different from one another already. They delight in different skills, different toys, and different books. They often find humor in very different things. They are both cuddly, but at different times and in different ways. While they eat the same foods, they make their distinct preferences known. They live a very shared life, but already showcase their sweet independent natures. It’s just such a joy to watch them grow into their unique selves side-by-side. One of the the most challenging differences in raising twins versus a singleton is not having the same amount of dedicated one-on-one time. With my daughter it was just she and I for over a year and half, so we had a lot of intentional bonding time. The early months with twins are consumed with a lot of demanding care-providing and learning how to keep two (and in our case, three) tiny humans alive. It took me longer to get to know them and bond on a one-on-one level. It has certainly made me cherish the rare times that I get either of the boys alone and also made me certain that I want to prioritize individualized time with each of my children as they grow. I always want them to feel like they are seen and loved and known as unique individuals."
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- "My husband, daughter, and I lived in Brooklyn and thought we were going to live life there for the long haul. When we found out we were expecting twins, it immediately threw that life plan into question. Could we really raise three babes under two in New York City without more family support? Ultimately, we decided to move to Philadelphia to be closer to family, so there was a lot of life change all at once. It was emotionally complicated for me. While there was definitely excitement, I also felt quite overwhelmed! I had a lot of fear about how I was going to be able to handle all three babies. My daughter was not yet two years old when the boys were born, so that’s a lot of needy humans and a lot of diapers! While it has definitely been the hardest year of my life, I also learned that I am capable of so much more than I would have predicted. And I am continually learning to find and inhabit joy even amidst hard seasons because there has certainly been a lot of joy and beauty in this year as well. I know some women who were immediately ecstatic to find out they were having twins and I think that is an incredible blessing, but on the off chance you feel overwhelmed or scared, or less than thrilled, I’d say it is absolutely okay and valid to feel that way. And those feelings have no bearing on how much you are going to love your tiny humans! It’s hard, but you can do hard things, mama. Don’t be afraid to express your anxieties with your partner and friends honestly. In fact, it’s a must. There will be tough days, but it truly does get easier and there is an immeasurable joy seeing these two lives interact with one another and develop into their own unique selves! It’s a wild, but truly beautiful ride. Accept and ask for help! And I’d definitely recommend finding a support network of other women who can relate or who will make space to hold your fears and joys alike." Follow along with Bethany on Instagram here.
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